[beauflow]

idk about many others but this can be a hard time..

I am struggling right now, have been for a month or so with other things....

Now, the holidays are coming up and with how my days have been flying by-- i am sure it will approach quickly.

anyone have any good things about this season

I am crocheting hats, i am going to donate some.....

that is about the only thing I like about this season is that i focuses on being kind to one another.

i think i will be spending the holidays alone, even though I am "with" my S/O.... i have no family-- that has been established.

[(JD)]

It's a high stress time of year for the average person to begin with... and is often overwhelming for those of us who suffer....

You've picked a good task imo of giving to others.

There are some days I just want to get away from myself- really, but I can not get away from myself- I am stuck with me..... and only me am I truly stuck with through this life of mine

Exactly.

Try not to look at the big picture, too far ahead. Take today, tomorrow and maybe scan the rest of the week as to what you want or need to do. "Live" each day the best you can...and soon we'll be through this.

[beauflow]

(((JD)))

Thank you,
Taking little things a time, little chucks...
that's a great reminder I do need.
I will try

(((beauflow))) ...

I also have a difficult time during holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

,
Pfrog!

[shezbut]

(((Beauflow and Pfrog)))

All holidays and birthdays leave me with a sour taste in my mouth, and a queasy feeling in my belly. Just the thought of them coming up stirs a lot of anxiety and stress. For me, these times were never easy or fun. I suppose that's how I've gotten on this whipping merry-go-round that just won't stop! I hate it.

[skeksi]

This time of year is very hard for me, too. I have family but seeing them is upsetting because one of them abused me.

Being in public makes things worse for me. There are more crowds, which I find very stressful, and lots of families, which brings up complicated emotions for me. I have a job with required holiday leave, which sounds great but makes me miserable. It means the routine and distraction of my days is gone. Over the years I have found that setting up a schedule helps--I make a list of things I "have to" do and that keeps my mind away from how upset I feel.

I love the lights and the music if I don't hear it too much (I will tho lol) but I don't like what Christmas seems to be. A shop-a-thon and buying frenzy mostly. It will come quickly but it will also pass quickly. Take care

I love the holiday season and the beautiful weather...the little white lights, the cold air, the music, just the season in general. I love the snow, too, but we dont get much here

The drama, crowds, traffic, shopping frenzies, pressure, though, I can definitely do without. It is complete overload of my senses. And then the whole family thing. *sigh* I finally gathered the strength to just not attend any gatherings. I would much prefer to be alone than have to spend several hours with people pretending everything is ok when it clearly is not. It takes too much energy to fake it....and I lose a little piece of my soul every time I am around them.

Also, I have to get all drugged up so I can simply be around the lot of them. It is not worth hurting myself simply to live up to expectations of others....and to put on appearances.

[beauflow]

(((Thank you all for posts and hugs and well thoughts)))



(((Shezbut and Pfrog))) many many hugs, I hope some of what others have posted have helped you out too

(((Skeski)))
I really like your idea of "to do list" -- sort of keeping one busy and occupied to not seep down...
The hats are keeping me busy at the moment, but the weekend after thankgiving i have a plan to reorganize our (my S/O and mine) Storage area-- It is something i keep putting off and since he is not going thankgiving day but the weekend to see his parents, it will keep me occupied with doing something and not just waiting for him to come back from his family.

(((George)))
I hope it does pass by and not with time stopping as it has for me in the past-- Well in literal meaning it does not stop but it sure does feel like it some times.
I am trying to find some good things- and reminding myself- I don;t have to participate in anything if I don't truly feel as if I want to.

(((Rose Panachee))
you hit something with me right on the darn head:

The drama, crowds, traffic, shopping frenzies, pressure, though, I can definitely do without. It is complete overload of my senses. And then the whole family thing. *sigh* I finally gathered the strength to just not attend any gatherings. I would much prefer to be alone than have to spend several hours with people pretending everything is ok when it clearly is not. It takes too much energy to fake it....and I lose a little piece of my soul every time I am around them.

If you remember, last August I had worries with the holidays with things.. and my S/O's family I just don't want to do exactly as you describe with your family
"pretend everything is fine and no issues and be fake"... there are issues, and I think with me staying away from what triggers me is a good idea this year with all that has been going on.
My own family is rather distressing and I really don't need their added stress, weather it be of competition as they do, with how their life is so much worse and that I have no issues and that I have no "rights" to complain in a sense. or just grumpy attitudes or drinking.

-------
I know when I posted this I was feeling rather low-- I felt as if the fact that I have no family was thrown in my face for some reason.....

I did talk to my s/o a little, explained to him that he has his "real" family and then just me which who's knows what category i am in for him... He keeps reassuring me that he considers me family and that even if it is just him and I-- we are a family.... He has his "blood family" not "real family".....

On a bright side the hats, i am almost done with the "quota" that I wanted to make as I type I have two more girl hats to make and then I will go to the local food bank (well it is not a food bank in the strictest since because anyone can go get food, they don't have to meet any standards as far as the government places to be on food stamps-- the only requirement to get food from this place, is they do have live in my town that i live in - if that makes any sense-- i think the idea is a great idea with what they have). but they take clothing donations too-- I think I will draw up some scarfs that i made last year when I got into the hot idea with that with the knitting board that either i wore once and tossed in a bag or that i simply do not wear any more, and also some bears that I tried to sell and give them to the center too.

On another bright side-- So far that F word for work has not came out yet, (Furlough) and we were asked if we wanted to work this Thanksgiving Holiday.... I signed up for sure- I need the money any ways.
I thought my S/O was going down to his parents as he does for Thanksgiving but he actually told me he was just taking the day off for a "me day" for him, due to it is "too much work to go down to his parents"--- he emphasized that it was the drive, when I made a joke- yeah they are a lot of work...
I feel a little bad, due to if i knew he was going to just take the day off--- i may had reconsidered with weather working or not. but oh well. As I told him- I wanted something to do or some where to be instead of waiting at home for him to return from his family's dinner.

He did mention that he will go down the weekend after, that is where i plan to reorganize the storage closet, it probably will take a day to just do- so i am ok with this-- and it is something that really does need to be done.. I'll probably find some more things to donate the the ARC or something too... ARC Is a used clothing and good store that "promotes and protects the human rights of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities".. i actually buy clothes there a lot- it is a good cause and i get good clothing-- but donating some things too.. i have a bag of clothes i want to donate already to them. but at any rate -- I should be busy as he is gone..

and it will be the good type of busy.... no one in my way, i can go at my own pace and get things done too-- with feeling accomplished.

I hope that that they don't furlough us in December around that other holiday ...i hope to work then too and will if they give us the opportunity to

I know it has been mentioned to me to go volunteer with meals on wheels but that is a no, seeing that the program seems to base itself out of the capital and simple fact that i don't own a car right now (but am looking into that recently here too) and also don't like driving in the snow.
Or a soup kitchen, but I have been sleeping alot here lately which I know is not good. and i get anxiety just in general with new things-- It is something that i still do think of though. It is not a "no" like the driving around to give meals due to other factors right now.

I am trying to remind myself that usually around this time of the year i do start to cook more, it is like something with me-- but that i will bring in goodies for people on my shift that is always a nice thing to do even if some people i work with aren't the best

I also remember that before i was with my s/o and one year that we were together i used to always do the "Giving tree" which is you pick a name from a tree that is of a child or teenager that is in a program, get what they ask for on the card, and give it back to the organization.
Last year I could not do this due to funds, i will have to see this year- but it is also sort of why making hats and then planning on donating the bears i made, due to at least it is just a little.

I trying to remind myself that I don't have to participate in anything that i don't feel is right for me right now.

That also-- I don't mean to sound like a Grinch but that I don't have to get presents for any one that i don't want to.

even on that note, I think card making will be what i will do this year again as usual with making my own cards and sending them out to people, but as far as gifts go-- making them and/or buying-- i think it will be a small list this year.

Course I am still upset that I made pumpkin hats for the kids of my S/O's side-- two were returned to me for unknown reasons, and the other two got theirs but their parent can't seem to say thanks or even acknowledge to me that her kids got the hats, my S/o had to ask her a few times before she answered about it... IDK i just get upset that basically I don't get to know if the kids liked the things or not-- it is not that i want praise just the simple fact with knowing weather or not the kids liked what i made. i could careless right now with the adults on what they think.

at least with making things and giving them to the center for donating- I know - or at least do believe- they will take the items in, they will give them to a child... and that child will appreciate what ever they are given.

I used to be one of those kids that got things from a program-- i always was happy and grateful for what ever i did get.....

I know a co-worker i talked to, and I mentioned a few months back I was not celebrating the holidays and they made the comment- well you better not expect anything.
the saddest part is that for years I have given something little to people, and i get nothing back from a lot of them- so yeah I am expecting nothing back. Some I do understand- My Sister and Brother have little to no funds, i don't expect anything from them but yet I still give them either a home made bear or scarf or something- My other sister, well- i don't expect much due to the whole world owes her during these tough times. and as far as everyone else- i don't care due to i feel as if they don't really know me... and lets face it-- I am upset with people this year with things, I would not expect them to get me anything to begin with due to I am upset with them and they disagree with why I am upset.

I think the most i can give myself is time..... patients... and yets
and letting myself know I am valued even if not to others.

sorry this is rambling...

but thank you all for your replies and good thoughts