[skeksi]

The holidays are always difficult for me--I have to see the person who hurt me and my PTSD symptoms always go way up between Thanksgiving (first "family visit") and Christmas (second "family visit").

Usually I take respite in work, but that environment is triggering to me right now, too. Something big is going on and everyone is stressed, on edge, and angry about it. My #1 trigger is anger so I am spending a lot of time afraid, feeling like something awful is about to happen.

All the great coping things T and I have been working on feel out of my reach. I try to think of what we've done together and it's like it keeps slipping out of my grasp. I can't quite figure out what I am supposed to do to feel better when it gets this bad.

[mazing]

I'm sorry I don't really have any answers but wanted to say I'm thinking of you. This time will pass and it will get easier again. Hang in there.

[Open Eyes]

((skeksi)),

I struggle too, especially around the holidays, I think alot of us struggle who are challenged with PTSD. I even talked to my T about it today, I do get times where I fall behind and struggle just like you are discribing.

Have you talked to your T about how the abuser affects you? This probably has a lot to do with boundaries, and it opens up some troubling things from your past. I have that challenge myself. The only way I can work through it right now is to find ways to take time outs and have the least amount of exposure as possible. Sometimes I am just not ready to handle certain things, that is probably what you are experiencing as well.

I don't know your "specific" challenges so I don't have detailed ways for you to work through this challenge. I have found ways that I am gaining on addressing the exposures that I have to people who have hurt me in my past. I find I am doing better. A lot depends on what you have to be around when these holidays come up.

I will say, if it involves someone who abused you sexually, I recommend you either stay away completely or keep your exposure to the extreme minimum.

((((Caring and understanding Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by mazing

This time will pass and it will get easier again.

This is true. In about two weeks I can start the upswing and return to my life as I know it. That feels a long long way away.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Have you talked to your T about how the abuser affects you? This probably has a lot to do with boundaries, and it opens up some troubling things from your past. I have that challenge myself. The only way I can work through it right now is to find ways to take time outs and have the least amount of exposure as possible. Sometimes I am just not ready to handle certain things, that is probably what you are experiencing as well.

Thanks, Open Eyes. I appreciate your input. T does know how seeing the person affects me; we've got a long relationship that is pretty much centered on trying to work through the abuse and its effects. Seeing him this week helped me calm down an eensy bit. You reminded me that sometimes making a "to do list" can be helpful for me after seeing him--like, "at 10:00, watch X movie and clean up the living room. At 1:00, go to the market." So thanks, maybe I will do that when I find myself with free/anxious time in the next couple of weeks.

[skeksi]

I also asked my T to help me make something that I know will be helpful during the worst moments, when I can't remember how to get through it on my own. Asking for it was killer, but I'm glad I did.