[DarlaKat]

So, I went through a very traumatic year back in 2009. I was in a very abusive relationship and had lost many friends and also feel to this day that I can't seem to connect with my family anymore...

Before the trauma, I was extremely outgoing, funny, eccentric...and now, it seems that I just don't know what to say anymore. I keep to myself...I'm quiet. And, though being quiet isn't neccessarily an issue, it just isn't me. I used to ALWAYS have something to say!

Now, I haven't been quiet like this for all 4 of these years. It's off and on. For a few months I'll be back to normal me--talkative, silly, hyper...but then I'll look back on how I've been acting and feel insecure about myself, feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot and should just keep my mouth shut. So for the following 6 months or so, I'll be really quiet, anxious, and depressed. Right now I'm back in that stage and it's really getting old because now I feel like I'm boring and am getting completely ignored because when I do actually choose to talk, everyone just talks over me or interrupts me.

I just really want to get back to my crazy fun old self, but I don't know how to stay in that mindset when I finally feel like I'm back to it! I feel the real me coming back again now and I'm really worried it isn't going to last again what can I do to stay in that state of mind? How can I get myself to open up around people and not care whether they think I'm stupid or conceited??? Please help me. It's been a really rough 4 years.

I miss the real me

[Open Eyes]

Hi Darlakat,

Sorry, I didn't see your thread right away. Are you seeing a therapist?

If you were in an abusive relationship it is common to struggle for a while to regain your self esteem. Sometimes the lows or self doubt can come from having someone put you down alot.

You say that you are trying to get "sober" too, are you active with AA groups? It takes time for that program to really sink in, give it time though, my husband gained sooo much from that, has been sober for over 20 years now and still goes to meetings every week. Its a great program, good place to meet others for support too.

Keep working at it, you do deserve it, just keep "growing" and enjoying the arts and music and letting yourself develope creatively.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[skeksi]

I know what you are describing. It's frustrating to not be the way we know we can be, to be more unhappy and unsure than we would ever like to be.

I second Open Eyes' suggestion about therapy. One way that talking about my traumas and the PTSD has helped me socially is that I am more compassionate with myself. So, when I do not behave as I think I "should," I don't get so down on myself. I cut myself a break. and the end result is, I have fewer times like that. Being understood by someone else has helped me understand and be myself more. I am not sure if that makes sense.

I suspect one reason you worry what others think of you now is because during your abusive relationship, it mattered VERY much what that person thought of you. It was crucial that you be "good"--so your worrying now is a leftover of that. A survival system that served you well, because you are here, a survivor who made it through. Knowing why we do things, how it's connected to the trauma, can help, too.

[yeliab12]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

So, I went through a very traumatic year back in 2009. I was in a very abusive relationship and had lost many friends and also feel to this day that I can't seem to connect with my family anymore...

Before the trauma, I was extremely outgoing, funny, eccentric...and now, it seems that I just don't know what to say anymore. I keep to myself...I'm quiet. And, though being quiet isn't neccessarily an issue, it just isn't me. I used to ALWAYS have something to say!

Now, I haven't been quiet like this for all 4 of these years. It's off and on. For a few months I'll be back to normal me--talkative, silly, hyper...but then I'll look back on how I've been acting and feel insecure about myself, feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot and should just keep my mouth shut. So for the following 6 months or so, I'll be really quiet, anxious, and depressed. Right now I'm back in that stage and it's really getting old because now I feel like I'm boring and am getting completely ignored because when I do actually choose to talk, everyone just talks over me or interrupts me.

I just really want to get back to my crazy fun old self, but I don't know how to stay in that mindset when I finally feel like I'm back to it! I feel the real me coming back again now and I'm really worried it isn't going to last again what can I do to stay in that state of mind? How can I get myself to open up around people and not care whether they think I'm stupid or conceited??? Please help me. It's been a really rough 4 years.

I miss the real me

I know exactly how you feel. I was in an abusive relationship, sexually & emotionally more than a year and a half ago. It's difficult, especially if you get into another relationship. You have to learn to trust yourself again and gain your confidence back. Because you were in an abusive relationship, it was embedded in your head that you're "nothing". So what you're doing now is doubting yourself. You need to stay positive. That's something I'm struggling with now. You also need to find either a close friend, relative, or someone on here to talk to. I can help you! I know exactly what you're going through and I'm here!