[Butterfly_Faerie]

I've been dealing with this for so long.
Even before I was abused etc, even as a small kid I remember having the same intusive thoughts as I do now, why is that?

What causes them, does anyone know? Other then Trauma?
As far as I know I was never traumatized as a child, bullied perhaps, but at a young age I knew what r@pe etc was.

Wtf is wrong with me?
And I alone here?

Does it ever go away?
It happens daily with me, there is never a day or night that goes buy that I don't think of someone trying to break in and hurting me etc. Not one day.

[jennie]

your past trauma or secondary traumatization (results from being exposed to the stories of trauma victims) may be a reason. but you could just be watching too much tv news or just be paranoid or have obsessive thoughts.

do you have a therapist to talk this over with? i hope you do. (((((((safe huggs))))))))

i'm scared of strangers. i've just started putting up a barracade in front of our front door at night to feel safe. i think getting an alarm would help.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

If I had to suggest any thing it would be to..... seek professional with a T - get on some medicine if needed and then seek out CBT with the T that will help you retrain your thoughts / re-action to stimuli's.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

(((safe hugs)))) You posted under PTSD and that, to me, means you know this is trauma related. . PTSD doesn't go away by itself...sorry. Triggers happen. Anything that your brain relates to whatever it was that upset you so when young, will elicit a response. TC.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I do have a psychiarist that i've been with for 10+ yrs now...

I dealt with alot of trauma from the years of 1996-2001.

What do you mean by secondary traumatization?

I do have help for the trauma, actually we don't speak about it anymore unless i'm really triggered by something, mainly all I do in sessions is try to get my anxiety down with fear of working.

I just tend not to bring this up, she just tells me that when I have these thoughts "daydreams" to make me allow it to go all the way through to me being safe at the end of it. I tend to cut it off at some point and not allow myself to run away, escape etc.

I'm on meds as well, Effexor XR even though I don't believe it's for symptoms of PTSD. I've been on meds since 1996.

I've done CBT for anxiety, never used it for this though, dunno where to begin with it for this stuff.

It's got to be PTSD related, because it became really bad after the abuse, rape etc. But then again it happened before this too, before my bad relationship and the "others"... So I am not really sure what triggered these thoughts.

No you are right PTSD just doesn't vanish, I suffer from remnants of it, still get triggers, body memories, and of course the constant intrusive thinking, I don't think i'll ever be rid of those...

I have no idea what it could have been that upset me when I was young, I was never abused when I was a child. Well, 3 times or so I have had a slap, or the spanked behind. Never had any stranger dangers etc, but I do recall when I was younger waking up to banging on the front door. I ran to my parent's room too look out their window and there was a weird small car painted poka dots... Freaked me out.

Odd thing like that cause intrusive thinking? Or perhaps a movie when you're young?

No idea.

But definatly the most recent ones that replay themsevles over and over again ( and it's always a few different scenerios but they are repeated ) never change...

[Rhapsody]

Secondary Traumatization would be any thing that has been added to the wound pile, or a similar events to the first trauma that took place. (example: I was sexually abused as a child and then as an adult when I was 30).

I do not believe that we can just make a thought go away..... for its roots are deep with in us. What I think you have to do is to HEAL the WOUND that the thoughts are connected to and then cut the ropes that bind them to you..... the victim status that many of us hold onto for it is familiar.

Please check out the book that I posted in the Rate & Review section called: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die (I think it can help).


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

intrusive thinking happens with all kinds of things not just trauma related for example OCD people have intrusive thoughts of for example things having to be a set way, schizophrenia people experience intrusive thoughts that are related to hallucinations and delusions, people who have bipolor also have intrusive thoughts.

Talk with your therapy professional maybe there is something they can do to help, if you are on medication and the thoughts are increasing it could mean you need medication adjustment and or a change in type of medication. Talking to your treatment professionals will help them to make the right medication decisions with you.

If it is not trauma related but is related to a chemical imballance of the brain disorder like bipolor, schizophrenia and so on yes the thoughts will lessen and can go away once you are on the correct medication and dosage.

hang in there.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Myself- I've been diagnosed and have been on meds, also have a pdoc who knows that I get this all the time.

I've been diagnosed with GAD, SAD, clicnical depression and PTSD.

Thanks

Rhapsody- Yeah that would be me then in terms of secodary traumatization, I've dealt with sexual assaults/ sexual harrassment etc after the abuse/rape etc occured... hense the dates between 1996-2001 something happened a few times a year until my current bf came along. So I guess that makes more sense. Never thought of it that way before.

[jennie]

sundance . . .

secondary traumatization can result from being exposed to the stories of trauma from trauma victims. if you repeatedly hear detailed trauma stories and you visualize and feel the horror, then it's possible you could be indirectly traumatized.

i think it's unlikely you were a child and heard stories of trauma over and over. but, if you did, you could be indirectly traumatized.

as a child, i had a friend who was scared of everything because her mom was traumatized and would scare her daughter by telling her too much of bad things that could happen. i don't think my friend was traumatized from the stories because she functioned well, but she was taught to be paranoid, for sure.

witnessing trauma is a criteria of PTSD . . . as a child maybe you were exposed to horrifying tv, sex video, parents doing stuff, or kids doing stuff . . . ?

there are other possibilities . . . like i mentioned in my first post.

i suggest exploring your past with a trusted counselor. maybe hypnotherapy may be a good option?

[boxturtle]

sundance, there is a book on trauma. Expert with lots of experience. the book is Waking the tiger. by Dr. Peter Levine. It explains the reasons for intrusive thoughts. might be a guy book., don't know for sure.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Thank you for the replies.
I've read so much about PTSD, Trauma and intrusive thoughts. Mostly on the internet, I'm going to look up that boo though boxturtle.

I think it's just one of those things that I'll never get rid of ... and it SUCKS!

(((((Jennie))))) Thank you as aalways honey.

my therapist says that neurofeedback and help lessen the intrusive thoughts. I may try and and i'l let you know.

[(JD)]

If you're referring to the same thing as biofeedback, yes I think it's a good thing to try! Nothing ventured, nothing gained? (((esthersvirtue))))

[Butterfly_Faerie]

(((esthersvirtue))))

Let me know if it works hon... if you do it.