[Lily5473]

I've been in therapy for a couple months now. After starting to dig up very painful and traumatic memories I started to feel very very painful and intense emotions. I don't know why I have them or with what they are associated with. Last week I just couldn't cope and I emotionally shut down. I feel like my T is kind of dissapointed in me for doing this. I want to feel my feelings I do, but I just can't. I decided to sit with my feelings if they come up and just feel them. This is when they go away and I just feel physical sensations. When I try to find the source of my pain I get very defensive with myself, and I think this is so stupid and it's like a voice is saying to me what the hell are you trying to do. Its like there is a barrier blocking my emotions. And I just cant get past it. I will discuss this with my T in my next session. But I was wondering if any of you experience such defensiveness, and a barrier that you can't get past? How did you deal with it? Sometimes I feel like I'm terrified of my emotions.

[kaliope]

Lily
I want to say what you are feeling is perfectly normal but I am really not qualified to do so...hehe. all I can say is that it sounds like you were describing me to a t. and you know what? I made it through just fine. the feelings worked them selves out. I was too terrified to feel them so my mind and body protected me from the pain, but I kept working at it and I healed at my own pace. the body knows what it can handle and it is going to pace you. just don't give up. keep up the good work and your body will process the trauma. hang in there.

[DePressMe]

Yes, Lily, I have experienced the same feeling. I hate to say this...but it took time for my brain to let go and let the feelings come out. I had to be patient with myself and not force things. Forcing things just drove them further away from me. In the end they came out and I then had a chance to experience them and deal with them. Your T should understand this...talk to her about your blocked feelings and about how you think she might be disappointed in you. It's likely that she is really not disappointed in you--it's you feeling that way about yourself. Take some time, try to relax, maybe meditate on relaxing but don't try to force something that is not ready to come out--I know how it feels........D.

[tinyrabbit]

I have the same feelings. I very much doubt your T is disappointed with you - I imagine your T cares and is concerned.