does anyone know how to manage triggers?

Hi
I am returning to this forum after a couple of years.

I have complex PTSD. I was severely abused as a child beginning before age two. I managed to get through my life relatively intact but a few years ago I suffered another trauma and have been struggling since then.

I have gotten better very slowly over the years but I still become very out of control when triggered. If I experience something that makes me feel as if "it" is happening again, I have a very hard time being rational. I can become lost for days.

Anyone have any grounding exercises or ways of coming back to reality?

Thanks for listening.

fancy

Stroking a pet's fur always helped me. Sometimes even a stuffed animal.

For me it depends on what the trigger is, and where I am. If I'm around other people I will NOT do anything that would visibly look like I'm distressed. So I might breathe slowly and shallowly. I might grip my fist and focus on the feeling of that. Or I might fidget with an object near me, and focus on it.

One of my triggers is feeling like I'm trapped somewhere (and yet, I am not claustrophobic!). I'm in a small, very isolated town which reminds me of my hometown. This makes me feel incredibly trapped and is a constant trigger whenever it hits my thoughts. I tend to remind myself in my thoughts that it is NOT going to hurt me - I'm not with my family, I'm in fact an entire day away from them. I remind myself that I chose to be there for work, that I love my job, that I am earning good money and can go on a vacation, etc. I talk myself down from the trigger.

Hi fancy, welcome back to the forums. I can experience that too, being badly triggered and struggling for a day or two. I find that I have to take some time to figure out "how the trigger happened and what it means", and once I take time to sit and think it over and talk about it with my T, I begin to feel better.

If something triggers me and I have a bad day feeling "anxiety", I take some time out to go lay down and just allow myself to relax and I just let my mind relax. Usually, after about 1/2 hour, I am calm again. What I am doing when I do that is I am signaling my brain to realize there is no emergency and so my brain stops producing the cortisol that gets me more and more anxious to where I can't think. After a while, the cortisol dissipates and I don't feel all wound up.

It all depends on what happens to you when you are triggered. If I get a flashback, which could be without seeing things, but just the memory of how I felt when I was younger, I realize that it comes in like a wave and then eases up. So I make sure I "relax" and allow it to pass. Usually once I am able to figure what happened in my mind on a conscious level, I can talk it out and remind myself that I am "ok now" and I "self sooth and make sure I self comfort too".

You need to realize that these "triggers" are reminding you of an experience and what you "felt" at the time. These triggers are not meant to say, "you need to feel this way now" too. That is what "confuses" people who struggle with PTSD. They begin to think about triggers as "how they have to keep feeling and responding to certain situations". No, that is not the case, instead, what you need to do is "talk them out with a good T who can "validate that "yes" something wrong happened and comfort you and help you to finally get the "attention and help you needed before but did not get". You can also come here and talk out your triggers too, that way you will have access to others who can "validate you, how the trigger feels, and also comfort you and help you get to a point where you can finally do "now" what you were not able to do "then". You need to help that "part of you, or child in you" to finally be able to "express whatever is needed and this time see that you "get what you need from others and even yourself".

It may take time for you to slowly "gain" on finally being able to "quiet and sooth that child in you", so that means "talking out the triggers as much as you need with people who can "validate and comfort and give you the right feedback". It is important that you do not "hide out or be alone with your challenges, all that does is re-enforce that sense of abandonment". This is why people who struggle get very angry with the "just get over it and deal comments" because that is " a dismissive and unsupportive response that is "not nurturing".

People are often very afraid to discuss their past or childhood, this is because they feel they will be poorly thought of, or worse, that whomever they tell will "again" abandon them. That is why a therapist needs to establish "safety" with patients, first and foremost. It is "important" to develop the right support when challenged with complex PTSD, and that means having people who will "listen and comfort and validate as much as you need them to".

This is why it is very difficult to be around "family members" who never "validated the person who struggles" or "anyone else that is dismissive and says things that mean you are "left alone again to "just".

(((Comforting Hugs))))
OE

I find it helps to touch an object that I didn't have back then - in my case my wedding ring. I also talk to myself out loud and remind myself of when and where I am. Counting helps, and so does listening to current sounds if you can hear any.

I do the same things. Current sounds, yes, I now listen to contemporary Country, which was part of my post trauma "expanding my horizons".

grounding is one of those things that is subjective meaning each person has their own things that trigger them (example being alone out on a stormy night triggers me but my wife loves walking in the rain/thunder storms/lightening storms alone) because triggers are subjective so is the managing of triggers. each person has their own things that calm/self nurture their self during times of anxiety/stress from their triggers..

my way is by doing physical activities....rowing my canoe on the lake, going to the shooting range with my gun, putting on a rousting /bold, quick beat song and dancing around the room. ...

The thing is to really listen to the sound, pay attention to it, and think about it - you have to focus on it to do that.

Wow! Thanks to everyone who responded! it feels good to know that people care.

I will try some of your ideas.

My problem is that I get argumentative and my thoughts start racing when I am triggered. Like I will say to myself "See, I told you that no one or he or she does not care about you!" condemning myself for having let down my guard. I am very hard on myself and I have convinced myself that allowing others "in" is folly and I must stay detached and alone. So if I let someone in and they disappoint me in the slightest then I become angry with myself.

I cannot seem to stop this from happening as it happens very quickly. I could however go somewhere and listen to music or tell myself that I am only human and needing to have people in my life is ok. Touching an object is a good idea and I will identify one to keep close by.

Animals are a trigger for me unfortunately and the feel of fur is frightening, even stuffed animals sometimes but thanks, I know it helps some.

Open Eyes wrote:

Yes, I have been telling myself that I need to feel this way in order to feel safe! That if I am not always on guard I will be taken advantage of. Being on guard is helpful if in imminent danger but I am not ALWAYS in danger. Thanks.

Red Panda you are correct that thoughts cannot hurt me.

So, although I still do not have all of the answers...I have some ideas.

Thanks again

If I am inside when triggered, I go outside and watch the rest of the world and other people, maybe touch a tree, watch a bird, and get the rest of my brain working again, wondering where that person in the red car is going, why one edge of the parking area is slanted while the opposite side is straight and how the cars start parked at an angle but gradually get T straight instead, etc.