[gmt915]

Hello all,

I am new to this site, so I do apologize if this has been discussed before. Just looking for some support and guidance.

I was diagnosed last winter with PTSD after a former client attacked me (I was a mental health therapist for children in an inner city school). I actually had to quit my job as a result and have been struggling internally ever since. I worked so hard to get my master's degree, and here I am barely surviving and not using what I earned. I'm getting married in three weeks, and my fiancé is wonderful. He has been so patient with me, especially since I seem to have developed some depression after everything happened.

Lately, my anger has been my biggest concern. I never used to get angry. I have always been an anxious person and have been diagnosed and treated for GAD since the age of 10. But, my anxiety was always internalized. I never took it out on others, only myself. Recently, including today, I will get so angry that I throw things and don't care. I broke a salad bowl today and it didn't even phase me. I get so mad that I feel like I'm shaking inside and outside and I don't know how to calm down. I can't even identify a trigger for the anger, a lot of times things will be going great and I just snap.

I feel so awful because I know my fiancé gets the brunt of this behavior, and I have an appointment this week to get back into therapy and on medication again (I had lost both when I quit my job because I lost my health insurance and didn't qualify for Medicaid). I guess what I'm asking is if other people have experienced this kind of anger with anxiety disorders before? I feel like I should know the answer to this, but a lot of mental health professionals have a hard time knowing the answers when it comes to themselves. I know I'll find out more at my appointment this coming week, but I guess I'm just looking for some support. Thanks in advance, sorry for the length!

[splitimage]

Hi,

I can really relate to what you're saying. I have a terrible time with anger. I have PTSD, MDD, and GAD, all of which I'm in treatment for as well as being a recovering alcoholic.

The first year I was sober I had 2 emotions, despair and blinding rage. It's calmed down somewhat since then.

My problem is I don't know how to express anger in a healthy way - I internalize it, and usually wind up doing something self destructive.

I'm taking an anger management program through my hospital starting this Sept. which I'm really looking forward to. You might consider looking for something similar.

splitimage

[MotownJohnny]

Boy, it sounds so familiar in so many ways. I think that you have every right to be angry over your situation, you just need to, as you already know, find appropriate ways to get it out.

[MotownJohnny]

I wanted to come back to this when I had more time. I lost it over death threats, not an actual attack. My initial response was panic/anxiety/terror. So, I presented with those symptoms, no prior psychiatric history, and ... was declared bipolar. It took me a couple of months to be able to keep my head above water long enough to even realize just how royally screwed over I had been. Talk about flying into a rage, I spent a weekend seething, breaking things, and generally in a rage. I am not a angry or violent man at all, never have been. Since then, I find I can actually admit anger rather than burying it. I actually have tried to find more positive ways to get it out, such as taking boxing lessons. However, I have had this epic fail in my self-confidence, telling myself I am the scum of the earth ( I'm really not), and I think a component of that is anger at myself for getting myself into the position to be misdiagnosed and mistreated.

[Open Eyes]

(((gmt)),

What you are describing are "symptoms" of PTSD. Here is how it progresses. First the trauma and shock, then being hyper vigilant, then depression begins to set in, then the anxiety attacks can begin and then the bouts of anger. With PTSD, emotions are "magnified" and pretty much everything is "magnified" because the person is so "sensitive" as one would be with "any" injury.

Just curious, you had developed some "anxiety" and GAD at such an early age, did you have a stressful childhood?

I definitely suggest you get into therapy and consider medication for a while. Try not to worry about "losing out on your education" either. Your challenge with PTSD may end up with you wanting to work in a different field now that you are experiencing PTSD first hand.

Your goal right now is to "take care of "you".

We are here if you need to vent, ask, or just need some support.

Welcome to PC .

OE

[fancy]

I also am dealing with anger since I was traumatized for a second time a few years ago. I had always been very calm and almost irrationally anger avoidant. Just speaking about it to my daughter tonight in fact. My tolerance was "too high" but now I get angry with little provocation and like you my husband receives the brunt of it.

I too am looking for ways to "derail" the anger. But I wanted you to know you are not alone.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

What you are describing are "symptoms" of PTSD. Here is how it progresses. First the trauma and shock, then being hyper vigilant, then depression begins to set in, then the anxiety attacks can begin and then the bouts of anger. With PTSD, emotions are "magnified" and pretty much everything is "magnified" because the person is so "sensitive" as one would be with "any" injury.

That is essentially how my adolescent and teenage years went! Being hypervigilant definitely started first, when I was still a kid really. Depression set in by age 11. Anxiety and panic attacks set in maybe at age 13, but definitely by age 14/15. Anger started showing up, directed at my family, shortly after that. I got the anger back under control as soon as I left their house, but if I get triggered while at home again I will flip right out just like I did as a teen.

GMT: Is there any way that you could try to just visualize throwing something? I do that a lot. Picture throwing it, imagine the sound, but I don't actually do it. I also at times have instead gotten a piece of paper and torn it into tiny little shreds at a table. I found it relieved the urge to destroy something, and actually would focus and calm me down. What about strategically placing pillows or stuffies around the house? Get mad, grab the nearest one and chuck it at the wall or the person you're mad at. At least it won't break and it won't hurt anyone!

I'm really sorry that you had that happen to you though

[HealingNSuffering]

Sorry to hear that gmt hope you enjoy these forums. Yes irritability, anger is a common manifestation of anxiety, many times when we get angry it is out of defense because something is making us feel "icky" inside aka anxiety or pain. The healthiest way to express your anger is to get to the root feeling and address the cause of the anger. For me this involves calming myself down first, through exercise to use the energy from the fight or flight response, then I address whatever it was that hurt me whenever possible. Verbally telling the offending person(s) that they hurt me or triggered panicky feelings inside of me. The visualizing thing Red Panda talks about helps me control my impulses, the stuff I visualize is pretty dark stuff, I even killed several people in separate dreams. They were so realistic to, it makes me feel like "justice has been served"