[Rhapsody]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (again)

I really do HATE this PTSD some times, for once again I was triggered by some thing that I saw on TV and hubby did not react fast enough for my liking (in changing the channel) and then he made a smart comment out of self defense and now we are not talking to each other...... MY FAULT!!!

Sad & Lonely
Rhapsody -

[hurt]

Rapsody, hi. It is not exactly your fault. You have a right to be upset, but also he probably did not know exactly what to do. I think you both share responsibility in a way. (he should not be making smart comments). Maybe, you could begin the conversation, so you won't be adding extra stress to your relationship and to your life, but do not blame yourself!!
As for PTSD, I hate it too, ALL THE TIMES!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
I am with you on that.

I got this sometimes with my sons father.

It got to the point where he would ask me if I was in the right mood to watch tv before turning on the tv. My having flashbacks and so on and having so many triggers were interferring with his tv time.

then one day he did something different. instead of turning the channel allowing my problems to become his problems. He stood up for himself and his choice of unwinding and entertainment.

He looked at me and said. Im not turning the channel again because I live here too and have every right to engage in activities that I like just like you do.

Im sorry that you are having a problem but it is your problem from things that went on before you and I met. I can't fix it for you and I can't make those things not to have happened.

What I can offer you is support in helping you through this by helping you to leave the room so that you can do something calming like taking a bath, listen to your music when something I am watching upsets you and then when you are ready I can hold you, give you a back massage whtever you need.

When he did that I realized I was being unfare to him by expecting him to just put his forms of entertainment and ways of unwinding on hold because I couldnt handle them. When I am watching a movie and he comes home in a bad mood or gets upset about something I don't turn off the movie.

I talked with my therapist and with her help I learned other ways to handle the situation instead of expecting him to give up his shows and so on.

I learned to call my therapist, call friends, listen to my music with my headphones so that he could hear and watch his show while I calmed myself, I read the tv guide so that I always had a general idea of the movies content so if it contained any of my known triggers I did dishes, took a bath, did laundry and so on instead of watching tv.

Just because we were living together didn't mean we had to like the same things and do the same things all the time. He had shows he liked and I had shows that I liked and we both had shows that we both liked.

From then on his choice in tv and my getting triggered never was a source of problems between us any more. We no longer went through the silent anger treatment of each other, his missing out on his shows and so on.

I know you can't help it that this is happening to you and as you have figured out you can't change him. All a person in this type of situation can do is change their own self and behavior so maybe you can do what I did and it will or may help you -

talk with your therapist and build an emergency list of things you can do other than having him turn off the tv show.

Hang in there

[Perna]

Being triggered is not the end of the world. You've been triggered in the past and will be triggered in the future! I'd make up with hubby and thank him for trying.

[Rhapsody]

YES..... I can understand what you are saying, and it was not so much about what was on the TV (for he was going to change it any ways) it was more the smart comment he made...... for he knows my wounds and hurts (heck he created this particular one) and therefore he should not have said what he did in the first place - that is what upset me the most.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

It's tough to live with someone who suffers with PTSD. No one fully understands it, not even us who have it. Patch things up. IT's NO ONE'S FAULT!!! It just happens. He's learning, you're adapting... so slowly that you can't tell, but you are. I'm sorry these things happen.

Me? I KNOW I hate PTSD ALL the time! And to me, hate is a really strong word.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:
It's tough to live with someone who suffers with PTSD. No one fully understands it, not even us who have it. Patch things up. IT's NO ONE'S FAULT!!! It just happens. He's learning, you're adapting... so slowly that you can't tell, but you are. I'm sorry these things happen.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT!!!
- it just hurts so much when you are the one being resonated from within....... I HATE inner wounds and PTSD.


Rhapsody -

[EJ711]

Hi Rhapsody,

My husband and I get into arguments over the remote control also.

In my case, I believe I either have unrealistic expectations as far as he is concerned, or he doesn't meet my expectations, when it comes to sensitivity to my TV viewing needs.

In my house, my husband hogs the remote control. He also leaves the room a lot for various and sundry reasons, and doesn't hand me the remote when he leaves. This leaves me unable to reach it, unless I get up, which is getting harder and harder, with foot pain, etc.

Then when he is in the room, he doesn't react very quickly to mute the annoying commercials, which also seem to be at a higher volume than the rest of the programming.

I feel so much better now that I have vented about this stupid issue.

BTW, I also got triggered by something I saw on TV last week. In this case, my husband was not responsible.

Remember, Rhapsody, you're the best.

Hugs,

EJ

[hillbunnyb]

myself , whew talk about making a plan when you're thinking clearly!!!! cudo's. it's kinda like creating rituals to take care of ourselves. we prepare for earthquake and fire out here. i hope i never have to use my plan, but, pretending nothieng is gonna happen is self defeating.same with relationships.

it's like all of this living life stuff is about doing maintanance: on ourselves, on ourstuffs, and on our relationships. ya know?

do you gyz have a code to bring up hard stuff for discussion? i used to preface sticking my big toe into the waters of discussion with the phrase, "Honey Baby Sweetie Pie" so they would know i was coming from love and not trying to set them up or attack or blame. it helped some. . .

((((((((Rhapsody)))))))

thanks

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rhapsody said:
it was more the smart comment he made...... for he knows my wounds and hurts (heck he created this particular one) and therefore he should not have said what he did in the first place - that is what upset me the most.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Ah! That needs more righteous indignation rather than straight anger. I had a boss who humiliated me publicly when I was trying to help him! I figured out a "speech" to give if he ever did it again, about how I was working hard and doing well at correcting my faults and I would not tolerate pot shots at me. If he ever did it again, ___________ (whatever the promise is -- in the work case, I would quit). But be clear that his behavior is not going to be tolerated in the future. Either that, or shrug. It's not the first or last time there will be unpleasant comments about your behavior but they don't have any bearing on the wonderful work you are doing with yourself. Translate it into a comment like, "Your mother wears combat boots" which you don't care about -- sometimes I picture the adults in the Charlie Brown TV shows with their "wah, wah wah wah wah" noise It's just nonsense, background noise to your actual, wonderful, worthwhile struggle.