Guilt

I have so much guilt over things that had nothing to do with me, and guilt over the way I have to respond to my sister. A little bit of the story is the day my mom tried to kill my sister and i with bleach and my guilt because I was the one who got us in trouble by sneaking food because we were both starving literely. I feel guilty for that and because the police came before my mom got me. Guilt also because i told the police that my sister did it to herself. So she had no charges filed on her and we went back home for a while. Just guilt guilt guilt. I know it had nothing to do with me my therapists tell me that, but I feel bad. I feel guilt for everything that happened to my sister even though she is older, she had no clue. I feel guilt. Now because my sister is severely ill mentally. last friday she was in the back of a cop car and I was talking to her through the bars of the window telling her she was safe it was ok, blah blah blah, but usually i cant have much to do with her. She had a severe breakdown in front of her kids for the 100th time. I cant have much to do with her becasue she lies she had told people she had cancer got hit by a drunk driver faked MS and lupus throat cancer, she has a severe addiction to pain pills and has thrown herself down stairs to get them. She goes to the hospital in an ambulance atleast 4-5 times a week. The hospitals just send her out the door after a brief check up because she is red flagged. She cries to me she is in pain she is this or that, and i cant do it its all fake. This is the sister I was kidnapped with, and have so many conflicting emtions. I always am there for her kids who are 17 and 10, the 10 year old has been removed by cps and she has visits that usually end up with the ambulance and he comes to my house or stays with his brother. I try to get her into therapy but she wont go. She went to rehab and got kicked out. They couldnt deal with her games. Its hard to hear her cry and turn my back but I have to, i cant feed her fire by buying into her stuff. I dont understand why she is like this. My mom though is the same way in a lot of ways. But my mom is way way way way worse. I dont talk to her either. I just have so much guilt and people in her life turn to me for answers and they never stay, no one can she burns them out. Like today she went to the hospital again in a ambulance three times this week already today it was because she couldnt walk or feel her legs. Her room mate told me she was walking fine this AM. She has used this issue alot of times, and she pees in her pants and when she gets to the hospital they see her and the same issue and they send her away or confront her and then she refuses to see a dr and walks out. Yes walks out. She has used my insurance behind my back to go to hospitals and for a while I was redflagged before it was fixed. Like one time I went to the er for chest pains and I have a pre exisiting heart problem and they ignored me for hours until a dr came in and asked me about the red flag and it was good i had people to back up my story. How do I let her fall and suffer? I have such a hard time but I know its best. My heart is broken. SORRY ABOUT THE SPELLING i AM TO TIRED TO CARE AT THIS POINT

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((minime)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm guessing it's not enough to say you don't have to feel guilty for things that were out of your control. I don't have any suggestions; I wouldn't even know where to begin. All I wanted to do was let you know that I read your post and am listening to you. And I feel very sad, for the child that you were. No person deserves that.

Xylia, thanks. Your post made me stop. I think that i have so much work to do so much to fix in the world and what u said wasnt what I was expecting, your right I was a kid and all the stuff my mom did to me makes me feel like if i close my eyes for a second the world will fall apart. i have always felt resonisiable for everyone and everything. My therapists tell me I was a kid but when a stranger tells u it makes u think. I always believe that if only I did this then this wouldnt have happend. I told my t that it makes it lss scary to feel like u had something to do with it because why would your mom want to kill u for no one real reason??? I need to memorize your post. Thanks

Minime, I think you are an amazingly insightful and caring person.

I think feeling guilt is nothing more than the expectation of punishment. At least that is the conclusion I have come to for now. See if it makes any sense to you.

(((((minime and sister -- and I guess mom too)))))

[quote=pachyderm;797460]Minime, I think you are an amazingly insightful and caring person.

Thanks pach..... I am working on this in therapy. I have temp custody of her 17 year old son as of yesterday....so I am tired I gave birth to a 17 year old yesterday......wow. I have adopted two of my other sisters children and have custody of my other sister 17 year old three kids no labor pains how did that happen?

My T calls that false guilt. False guilt is when we feel responsible for something we did not do. Something we are not responsible for.

Real guilt is when our conscience tells us we did something wrong and we deserve punishment for it.

You have no reason to feel guilty. You may feel bad because of what happened because you care, not because you are guilty.

Keep working in therapy. I hope this helped.

Race

[quote=RACEKA;801447]My T calls that false guilt. False guilt is when we feel responsible for something we did not do. Something we are not responsible for.
Thanks for your reply. I think I am the poster child for false guilt. I got so much of it it can start its own community. The funny thing is even if I know this is false guilt I have to talk to my therapists about every single thing every angle or thought that could be my fault or else I just feel like I am swallowing pscyhobabble. i know its weird but my mind is very tricky.

Your not alone. Why do you think I know about false guilt? I'm full of it too!