Does stopping doing something one once enjoyed doing (until an incident) make me a coward? Thats how I feel now. I force myself somedays to do it, but I don't enjoy it. But I feel if I don't force myself, then I am failure. But its a catch 22 because if I force myself too do it, I dont enjoy it. Is it best to just accept how I feel because of what happened and allow myself to avoid future reminders?? I hope this makes sense, I dont feel like going into details.

[Perna]

I fall back and regroup and figure out exactly what it was about the activity I enjoyed and try to find another way to "get" that enjoyment. We are changing constantly so no, if you no longer enjoy an activity for whatever reason, by no means do you have to continue! But don't give up on a "larger" activity like "art" or "writing," just re-invent it so you do hands-on collages instead of painting or reading/writing poetry or personal essays instead of working in your journal.

When I was in college back in 1970 I was a history major but the required thesis course came up and I was terrified (had to "discuss with a group of peers") so totally changed my major in my senior year and "moved on." I got to thinking about my life now in my 50s and trying to imagine how I'd feel when I'm 85 or so, looking over my life, and realized I "missed" history and still loved it. Well, I was in a better place and the course was still being offered only in a different way (online and only between you and the professor) so I took it and loved it and got an A and decided to get a second degree in history (I had more credits in history than in my degree subject back when I graduated in 1972) and will get that this coming May.

Let whatever it is "go" for awhile; if it's important to you, it will come back.

Thanks Perna! I forget there is always "another time" :-)

[Perna]

I know how you feel though. I was having a hard time with courses in college 5-10 years ago, would sign up then withdraw because I'd get scared of something or another. I started feeling bad about myself, that I would never be able to finish what I started or stick with things. It made me afraid I'd fail other things too that were especially important to me like therapy and life :-) I use to start a whole lot of projects, get lots of ideas of things to do (gardens, courses, book writing, cleaning/organizing) and then not follow-through. I can't tell you how many "fresh starts" at what I was going to do or "be" I've made. Very discouraging.

It worked its way out through therapy though; as hard as it was to "see" with the seemingly slow snails pace I was going at I did eventually coalesce into "me" and my plans got more practical and to my liking and I know what I'm "doing" now and am good for another 5+ years :-)

[almostangela]

I used to be a career sculptor and had numerous showings at galleries and successfully sold original works. I even wrote a novel and just loved the process of creativity. It has been over 5 years since I've created anything worth showing, infact, I have stored my stuff away. In the past, I had used creation as a way to escape depression and an abusive relationship, but once the abuse and depression have gone, I get depressed whenever I try to do what I used to because it triggers dispairing emotions that I never want to feel again. Life without my art is like I am missing my arms and until your post, I thought I was alone. I have since directed my energies to formal acedemic study and gave myself permission to leave art alone. I realize that it will always be inside of me and the talent does not go away, so one day, maybe when my life isn't so hectic, I will try and try again. I wish I could give you a happy ending, but I'm still in the middle.

[Perna]

almostangela, have you tried art other than sculpture or writing fiction? I'm glad you're doing academic study, that's what I'm doing, and enjoyed reading about your experience as I use to write fiction too but have not been able to since getting "better" but haven't analyzed it to the extent you have. I am slowly getting back to old things, was looking at this program "combining" a few things of old http://raven.ubalt.edu/programs/mfacreativewriting.html for awhile and letting my thoughts roam.

I'm curious. What would you do with something like this (another interest of mine)? http://www.lesley.edu/gsass/inds_ma.html

[(JD)]

Since you posted this in PTSD Forum, I would say generally, NO. You aren't a coward. AND if it relates to the PTSD, forcing yourself won't help and might make things worse, until you work through whatever it is. IMO

TC

[Fuzzybear]

[almostangela]

Hi Perna

It was fiction that I used to write and when I realized that it triggered stuff, I tried other things like editing, and then working on a journal (which I can't seem to do more than a couple times a year now) . I tried comedy and then a type of self help tihng and it was all the same. (you may not have this problem so please don't let what I say mean that is it so for your) In sculpting, I went from my skill in realistic to trying more abstract stuff and that failed also. I also transferred from wood and clay and moved toward glass and that didn't work either. HOwever, after reading the link you sent, I do believe that if you let someone else take the reigns and direct you, then it might just break the block. I haven't done that but I think that is very viable. What other experiences has you had?

[almostangela]

A thought just occured to me while I was in the bookstore. Even though my sculpting and writing has been blocked, my creativity hasn't. I've taken up an interest in cooking and plants and my new budgies to keep the creativeness flowing through me. These seem to be less committal and possibly temporary, but no less important. Maybe your creativity has taken on another form that you haven't recognized (like I just did).

[Rapunzel]

I often stop doing something that I enjoyed after I have an incident. Such as, there was a book of Norwegian jokes that my husband gave me for Christmas a few years ago. I read one out loud each night as he was going to bed. I had been doing that for almost two months, and there was still a lot I hadn't read yet. The day that I hurt myself and landed in jail, I stopped reading jokes and never picked up the book again. I'm not sure where it even is now. I'm not sure if stopping was some kind of punishment, or maybe symbolic that some part of me died.

Being cowardly doesn't seem to fit, and there is nothing wrong with losing interest in something or changing your interests and moving on to something else. We can't keep up with everything that we ever liked to do all the time. But you might want to think about what it means to you and why, and whether you have replaced the thing you stopped doing with anything else, or whether you feel empty about it or are satisfied with your current activities.