[sweepy62]

First my h instills alot of guilt in me , for the most part our marriage has been emotionally abusivive on his part, but we do have good times.

Tonite was not good. I have lots of CSa and physical mistreAtment in my past. Anyway my h sometimes resents I go to therapy.

He is basically overwieght lazy, anyway I also have med problems but I don't let him exert himself too much because he tells me he will die, he decided to do some gardening by himself, he said I took too long napping.

The next night his body ached and he ran a fever of 100 degree farenheight which is low grade. That's tonite , he yells at me and tells me if I have the same fever tomorrow you can kiss your therapy goodbye.

I suggested he drop me of early and go to gp since its not an emergency , but if its high we would go to Er.

The verbal assault was so horrible that I went emotionally numb, I sat in the den, suddenly I felt punished , I felt like a stranger in the house, I could not move, broke out in hives felt like a child, and for a couple of minutes did not recognize my surroundings. What was that?

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[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

First my h instills alot of guilt in me , for the most part our marriage has been emotionally abusivive on his part, but we do have good times.

Tonite was not good. I have lots of CSa and physical mistreAtment in my past. Anyway my h sometimes resents I go to therapy.

He is basically overwieght lazy, anyway I also have med problems but I don't let him exert himself too much because he tells me he will die, he decided to do some gardening by himself, he said I took too long napping.

The next night his body ached and he ran a fever of 100 degree farenheight which is low grade. That's tonite , he yells at me and tells me if I have the same fever tomorrow you can kiss your therapy goodbye.

I suggested he drop me of early and go to gp since its not an emergency , but if its high we would go to Er.

The verbal assault was so horrible that I went emotionally numb, I sat in the den, suddenly I felt punished , I felt like a stranger in the house, I could not move, broke out in hives felt like a child, and for a couple of minutes did not recognize my surroundings. What was that?

Sounds to me like your husband is behaving like an overgrown child and needs to grow up. His out bursts, laziness, and resentment of your therapy is selfish and abusive. All of this will take its toll on you eventually. As for his "medical emergency," it sounds like he wants to manipulate you into dropping therapy.

I'm going to be brutally honest here and suggest that if this guy doesn't get off his fat arse and be a better husband to you, you may want to start planning an exit strategy.

You are saying that your marriage is emotionally abusive, so why are you staying with him? All marriages have good parts, but are they worth this kind of abuse.

[Open Eyes]

((sweepy)),

It is a kind of flashback but it is also because you have developed an emotional and physical reaction to being abused or blamed for how someone else is unhappy and chooses to direct their anger at you. And your husband is threatening whatever is helping "you" and nurturing "you" because he needs to find some way of having "control" of whatever is in his environment. He went out to make an effort to "control" that garden to gain a sense of having some kind of control and when he was punished by then feeling sick he got angry and went into his childish way of "if I can't have it neither can you".

sweepy, this is how human beings often treat other human beings and is expressed throughout our human history. Your house can represent an entire country where some selfish leader who needs to control can punish and threaten many to feel powerless and frightened to a point of "submission to be taken over and controlled". This is coming from a very primitive instinct where a male ape would intimidate others in a group so that he could control that group, and this is expressed in other mammals too. It was originally meant to take place so that the strongest male could end up being the main breeder so that the offspring would end up having a better chance of also being strong to ensure the survival of the species.

A lot of how you are feeling is due to how others in a species are designed to react when this takes place to where they submit to this program of "survival of the fittest" so that a species can continue to produce a stronger offspring that has a better chance of surviving as a species.

The reason why you react so strongly is so that you will be triggered to find ways to protect yourself that may actually not only help you, but also your offspring or even others so that they can learn how to "survive and thrive" better too. This is actually how any species learns to adapt and survive, including human beings however human beings are the most complex.

The truth is that with human beings, and even other mammals, it isn't only "physical" strength that is important, it is also how the brain can be encouraged to create a better programed way of surviving better too.

What so many human beings don't realize is that even though we have evolved so much, we still have these very primitive ways that continue to challenge us that was always meant to help us adapt and thrive better.

When you go to therapy you are learning how to defend yourself better so that your brain can slowly learn how to overcome the threats that you have endured throughout your life. As you slowly are encouraged to sort through your history you begin to learn things "intellectually" and as you do that you begin to make "gains" and when you achieve that you are compelled to "share your gains" with others who also struggle. sweepy, this is also significant to our survival too, especially with females who have very complex emotions that drive women to pick up on the needs of their offspring so they can offer the nurturing to help that offspring survive and thrive.

Our brains are designed to "store" anything that might threaten our survival too. We don't really know this on a conscious level, however, the reason our brains do this is so that when our lives or survival is threatened we feel an alarm to encourage us to "pay attention" so we find a way to figure out whatever that danger is because if we can do that, we not only learn something important ourselves, but we are driven to share it with others.

Now, you just experienced something that you had a profound reaction to right? That compelled you to come here and "ask others if they have had that happen too and what does it mean". When you do that, you are using your conscious mind to question and learn so you can figure out how to do something more to help yourself. What that means in reality is that you experienced something that is suppose to happen in you so that you
are compelled to "ask and learn so you can survive better". The more someone is threatened and confused the more they are compelled to find a solution and when someone develops PTSD, they struggle in a magnified way and their mind becomes somewhat divided with feeling threatened and hurt, but also a growing desire to find some way to "fix" it too. As that takes place the person gets very self absorbed and doesn't interact as much so they can really focus on "solving that deep injury". Often people who suffer are actually pretty smart too sweepy and that intelligence tends to kick into high gear and over our human history has given mankind some significant messages to retain intellectually so that we continue to be inspired to think and learn even more.

We have so many books and records of messages that have been shared to ponder and learn from. We are attracted to visual role playing stories and actions in movies, theater, and sports competitions and even politics that all play a role in providing us knowledge to keep learning and gaining. Human beings push each other around to create situations that present emotions that compel us to keep learning.

So what takes place in your environment "is" challenging you sweepy, and you are actually doing the right thing by seeking help and asking questions and talking about how you are challenged. However, as you do that more and more, your husband feels threatened, and that is because he worries about his very primitive need to feel he is in control somehow. He has threatened something that is helping "you" and sustaining you and unfortunately this is something many practice not realizing that how they are feeding into a very primitive drive, they themselves only learn that instead of actually recognizing it and growing themselves in a more intellectual "productive" way.

And so the human saga continues in hopes of the intellectual to recognize this and be more productive instead of destructive.

Something to ponder for you sweepy.

OE

[tinyrabbit]

I have nothing to better the excellent posts above but I want to say I'm sorry to hear this. You deserve much better care and support.

[Bolivar83]

Dear Sweepy62: to echo tinyrabbit, I am sorry to hear this is going on...Sending you hugs and support.

Please forgive me for being intrusive (not expecting an answer), but I wonder if this relationship is a repeat of childhood conditions.

Growing up with a controlling and abusive father, it's taken me years to stop the damaging but comfortable cycle of being with people who want to control me totally - thoughts, actions, beliefs, boundaries, etc. I also have PTSD, and have had several flashbacks where I was frozen with fear, and confused about where I was (was expecting to be back in that house, or the abuser to come home).

I believe what I've read says that flashbacks can occur if something about the situation harkens back to when the abuse/trauma occurred - even if it's a shaft of light, or a certain smell, or even sounds. It's happened to me enough that I can intellectually understand what's triggering me when it occurs, but it's still scary/confusing.

Take care of yourself. So glad you reached out here.

[Bolivar83]

Dear SkyWhite: just wanted to say how helpful I found your response to Sweepy62. am finding the forums are a great place to learn more/exchange information.

[sweepy62]

Bolivar you are not being intrusive thx for responding , yes it's coming from my horrible past.

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[Bolivar83]

Hope you are doing well, Sweepy! Glad to see you here....