[birdpumpkin]

It's mid-July. Soon it will be August. August, September, October, November, then hello December 3rd... Coming upon the anniversaries of the last months in my home before it burned. The anniversaries of the last months of my cats' lives. August I took Lily to the vet. September took James. October needed to have some of Winston's tail amputated because he had dug it down to the bone because of fleas. His Elizabethan collar from that was still laying behind the couch. November was good. End of November took Tabitha to vet for ear infection. 3 days later fire and they are all gone - plus the others as well. So - I'm not looking forward to this fall, as you can imagine...

[JaneC]

Hi birdpumpkin. I know what it is like to approach an anniversary, so I am sorry that you are facing this, and had so much loss.

What plans have you thought to put in place to take care of yourself and get through this with as little discomfort as possible? I hope you have some good support, but also know you can always find some here.

[birdpumpkin]

Thanks JaneC. I actually don't have any plans right now. Have just been dreading the upcoming months. And my husband doesn't give me any emotional support, and my son will be going back to school in mid-August, which I'm dreading because I will be totally alone all day again. I think I'll be starting therapy soon with my parents' help because we have no insurance, so I'm hoping that will help something. This morning is cool and sunny and already seems to have that August angle to the sun. It's going to be really hard. Any suggestions for plans are welcome. Even the months after when we stayed with my parents and a rental house and I came to our house site daily for 3 months looking for my 2 cats that ran off. Not really looking forward to the winter, either...

[Teacake]

You are mourning, birdpumpkin. It may help to formalize your mourning. Last October I was impressed by day of the dead alters in a local museum and decided to make one for my dad. It was more powerful an experience than I was prepared for, just contemplating getting his brand of coffee and cigarettes and his favorite soap and things together, or the small objects he used to carry. I concluded that people of my culture shun our dead for good reason, lol! But maybe I will try again. I don't have to die a cultural WASP because I was born one.

Perhaps you could collect photos others may have of your house, and cats, and buy the brand of cat food, cat shampoo etc, and consider making a little memorial. Friends and relatives could send you images to make a little virtual memorial. Be warned, the smells will get you more than the images. Go slow.

[Parley]

Birdpumpkin~ I can't believe I am going to share this because I know you won't know the significance. I'm not sure there is one to your story. I just wondered what I could say and was surprised I didn't think about this the first time I read your story. I guess I was looking for something to say about the f*cked up situation. All I have is a child hood memory.

When I was in middle school~ My parents decided to move out of the country into what I considered the city. They rented an apartment and we were only there a week or two before we came home one night after some freak threw a molotov cocktail on his girlfriends balcony.

We didn't lose everything to the fire~ it was water damage that hurt my parents. They were freaking out because they kept being told no one was in the building but we couldn't find my brother and sister. It took us a couple hours to find them because they got bored and walked to the carnival. They weren't much older than me and had about as much concern as I did. Teens!

I ended up missing a few days from school and when I returned my history teacher made the girl next to me share her notes. We were both pissed. I could have borrowed them from someone on my own but I couldn't read her writing and she didn't want me reading what she wrote.

I don't really recall why we didn't like each other because we had just met but we were clear on where we stood. we kept our attitude towards one another a bit longer but we ended up being best friends all through high school and a few years after.

I don't know if that would have happened without the fire. I miss her.

I am so sorry for your losses. Hopefully, You and your family will create more happy memories in your new home. I know it seems like you will never forget but you might want to put your memories about Winston, Tabitha, lily, james, and ... in a journal so you can have them later. It was a terrible loss and understandable that you are still dealing with the pain.

I do hope you can find a way to attend therapy but until then ~ we are here. Best of luck to you.