It's friday. Can I just go home and get stupid drunk?

If I were the kind of guy to do that sort of thing, I would.

Fortunately, I don't drink alcohol ... at all. Never. As in ... I've never even tasted hard liquor. I've tasted beer and wine (blech!!!!)

But honestly, I feel like that ... I just want to numb myself emotionally. It was kind of an intense week, and it wasn't even a BAD week. I had a big, big project at work to finish ... and it is DONE. That's the good news. The bad news is ... the recipient is going to look at my work, nitpick it, and complain about every little thing. Not because of anything I did ... because that is how that person is ... a charming personality, half cobra, half dead fish. So, I will try NOT to take it personally, but I know if nothing else, it will mean a lot of frustration, wasted time, and back and forth next week.

So, yes, I want to just go emotionally dead. I don't know if that is healthy or not. Probably not.

There was a time in my life when I would have had the worst craving to binge out on something along the lines of lasagna, and chase it down with a big bowl of Stroh's Mackinac Island Moose Tracks ice cream.

I have to do a family errand tonight. But with luck, I'll be in bed by 9 PM. Then I can get up at like 2 AM and hit the road on my bike.

THAT is what saves me - I spoke of this in another thread today. I would truly have offed myself by now if I didn't have that.

So, I guess I am actually using that as an alternative addiction. Is that healthy? Well ... I gotta say ... get addicted to booze or drugs, you cause a lot of trouble for yourself, legally, mentally. Get addicted to food, you F up your physical health, and have to be treated like a pariah because you are "fat". Get addicted to exercise, and, while the "average American" might not get it, if you fall in with the right crowd, the guys (and women!) who think a 40 mile ride is just a warm-up, and all you get is high-fives and "keep it up, but push harder NEXT ride."

So, if I have to have an addiction, I think the choice is obvious. I guess I could stop at Performance Bicycle on the way home and treat myself to a new road jersey or something -- probably healthier than a 5th of Stoli anyway.

Reading it ... it sounds like my work project was the source of my emotional distress. Well, it was one source. Trust me, there are plenty of others in my life. I wish they would ALL go away.

A little peace ... is it too much to ask for?

Good choice of addiction !

Exercise also helps me a lot! I consider my coach to be my psychiatrist because every-time I leave training I feel amazing !

Why do you have to do it at 2 AM ?
And it's the weekend have anything fun planned ?

Wanting to be able to just turn it off and relax etc is a common desire with stress/anxiety/and PTSD. I think your choice is a good one, IMHO, nothing wrong with it, and it is actually a more natural way that human beings were designed to relieve stress anyway, that has a lot to do with how we developed into what we are now too.

I also think just venting here is good for you too because others here can really relate.

(((Hugs)))

I hope you have a nice weekend riding your bike in whatever way you enjoy it best.

Ha! Breakfast break.

I ride primarily late evenings or very early mornings. Fits into my schedule better. But the big benefit is safety - roads are quiet between 10 PM and 6 AM, I can ride roads I would never try riding during the daytime when they have heavy urban traffic.

The night world of a city that sleeps is pretty intriguing.

Good for you MotownJohnny! I also ride for miles on my bike. I have balance issues due to an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, in addition to the PTSD. I have ataxia and jerky tic-like abnormal body movements. I use exercise to bring down the stress, usually a long bike ride. A 20 to 30 mile bike ride calms the anxiety and lets me walk in a straight line, without the tics or balance problems.

It is interesting isn't it, social norms or accepted behaviour, that say that one addiction is better than others. One addiction is more acceptable. I had an alcohol addiction, and have always and still do struggle with a food one....those make me less acceptable in society, some would say. This sort of thing adds to my feelings of shame and worthlessness because I take to heart what society says about these behaviour.

Lucky Mowtown that, as you acknowledge, you have an addiction that is more socially accepted. As you say, no harm in a late night bike ride right?

This thread makes me want a treadmill.

Feel the same. Too much going on in my life keeping me stressed besides having to deal with myself. There's the dealing with myself trying to deal with all this other stuff that's hard to deal with, too!! Just wish it'd all go away. I saw an ad for a place called Recovery Ranch where you can go get therapy and ride horses. A month of that without having anything else to worry about sounds grand!! I don't drink any alcohol, either. Have had a sip of wine and thought it tasted like medicine!! I suppose I'm addicted to hot tea - it seems to soothe me. Nothing wrong with a late night bike ride!! I love riding bikes but don't have one, and everyone gawks at you out here in the country. I'm too shy for that.