My official diagnosis is complex ptsd, although I would describe it more as having lived my entire life with chronic anxiety. There isn't much I didn't experience in the first 16 years of my life. However, I managed to "shut the door " on all of that (or so I thought). Two years ago, everything just came crashing down around me and since then I have been struggling along, with therapy, medications etc etc. Through it all though, I have managed to maintain a fairly "normal" image to the rest of the world. I am very good at hiding all my feelings,as I have all my life. I'm 42, have a wonderful husband and 2 teenage chlldren. I am so lucky to have the life I have now, but I seem so caught up in all this past stuff, it seems to dominate most of my time. Do you ever get to the point where you can just "put the lid " back on and leave it all where it belongs. I so hope so....I'm running out of patience. It feels very strange posting all this. !!

[(JD)]

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Do you ever get to the point where you can just "put the lid " back on and leave it all where it belongs.

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Not quite like that. I think the reason it keeps bubbling up is because it isn't where it belongs, yet. Therapy and time helps to train the brain on what to do with trauma memories. Once they are in their proper place, they can stay there until you decide (if and when) you want to review something.

TC

Welcome kindergirl!

Do you ever get to the point where you can just "put the lid " back on and leave it all where it belongs.

Oh how I wish I could say, yup...almost there, stuffing it back in as we speak.

But once the lid blows and it spills out, you need help wiping up the mess and some messes are bigger than others.

But it WILL get better. It really will.

We're here to listen if that helps at all.

Welcome kindergirl

You could not have said it better!
Petunia,,,,you give alawys hope.

[mtd]

Kindergirl, Except that I'm a bit younger than you and my marriage did not survive, what you have written pretty much sums up my experience too. By 18, I had lived through more trauma than most people have in a lifetime. I also wanted to know if I could just put it all behind me, put a lid on it as you said. In my experience, that has not helped me. In recovery, I could no longer put it away because I was "putting it away" with very unhealthy behaviors. I tried hard to forget and numb my feelings, but that shut me off from the world and those who love me. Now, I work to accept my feelings and memories, learn from them, and then move on with the wisdom and peace that I work to create for myself. I can't tell you that it's been easy. It has not been. But I can tell you that when I hug my kids goodnight, it has been worth it.

Be well,

mtd