Tell me more about dissociation.

Is it really possible that the moments I have when things look strange, when the light is somehow "off" are really periods of dissociation? I always assumed these moments of visual distortion were ocular or neurological.

What are your experiences with partial dissociation?

I guess I haven't really paid much attention to if things look much different when I feel disassociated...usually stuff only looks different if I am on psychedelics or haven't slept enough...I guess stuff looks more overwhelming if that makes sense when I experience dissociation.

The main part that bothers me though is the feeling of being outside of myself, but I think dissociation can certainly cause some visual distortion. But yeah benydryl and other anti-histamines seem to aggravate that issue for me.

It's a continuum, as you have said.

When I am 'out there' as I call it, a variety of things seem to happen. Previously I wasn't even aware of it happening, but now am to a greater degree. Which is very weird, knowing that it is happening and yet being unable, or unwilling to try to stop it. It is a defense mechanism, and I still need it obviously.

So.....I at different times.....feel like my body is powering down like an old fashioned tv screen fading to grey, my vision seems to close in at the side and I feel like I am slipping backwards, I drift off into the sky or trees and no longer am present, I hear talking in the far distance(just my T across the room) but can't come back to it, I can feel dizzy & nauseous, my vision feels blurry at the edges........ etc.

So, yes, possibly what you are experiencing could be dissociation to a degree. When your T talks about it as that, or you read about it as a possibility....does it feel right? Not comfortable, but in the "oh that makes sense" sense?

I really don't know ... I never gave any thought as to whether it had any connection to my emotional state at that moment. Next time it happens I will have to really examine it.

OTOH - if Excedrin Migraine makes it go away in 20 minutes it probably is related to migraines.

Headaches that seem like migranes may be tension headaches that come on due to stress. I had a lot of strange headaches when the PTSD got really bad.

I think it is important to remember that most people disassociate at times, and that it is "normal", most people have those moments where they are driving and disassociate to suddenly get startled when they realize they were not paying attention to their driving.

When someone has PTSD, they are more "hyper aware" so anything they begin to notice that might actually be normal, can frighten them. It "is" true that if someone has experienced a trauma, they may not be able to access that challenged area right away and yes, sometimes the person can disassociate when asked to discuss it. One of the things I noticed about disassociation is that when I was challenged in a consistent way by a dysfunctional person, I learned to "tune it out", but I did not realize I did that, and most people don't. One of the things I have noticed is that when people say, "just ignore it and have these "just" deal comments", that is what they are actually telling you to do, "just disassociate yourself". Well, when someone is "hyper aware" they lose the ability to do that. What I found interesting is how my horses/ponies had learned to ignore my neighbor's dogs for years, however, when the dog targeted them which traumatized them, they could no longer "just" ignore that dog being there and their ability to be comfortable in their paddocks also changed too.

We are different and more complex in that we can understand these new threats and find ways to work through them and manage them better and even educate ourselves more about "possible threats". However, human beings typically do not like "change" as any "change" requires developing more skills before settling down into a routine structure again. Those who are older and more established in their structure have a harder time adjusting to
"change". That can be shown in the increase in challenges like "depression and anxiety" in older individuals.

Sometimes things look strange when I am dissociating, too. Like sort of "distorted glass" or things seem "off" like you said, Motown. I actually have ocular migraines too and this is nothing like those. (In my case an ocular migraine is brief, temporary blindness/starry spots in one eye).

Other ways I feel dissociation is that I can see that my body is here with my eyes but I don't feel connected to it... my body feels far away or like it's not mine. Other times I will feel like I've pulled back behind and slightly upwards from my body.

Also many times when I start to think about something that is emotionally upsetting, a switch flips in my brain and I will immediately forget what I was thinking about just a moment before and even forget what I was feeling, and it's replaced with a blank nothingness. I can't retrieve what I was thinking about even if I want to. Very annoying if I am deliberately trying to journal about something or work with a memory.

So, I would also say yes it's possible that what you are experiencing could be dissociation, but you could get checked out by a doc, too, to rule out any ocular or neurological things it could be.

Or caffeine.

for me its mostly questions like What am I? How did I get here? What is this experience? Is any of this real? And things like omg I'm actually here? Where is here? Do I actually have to interact with people? Am I making any sense when I talk? How do I know how to talk?

This is confusing me. Are you saying that everyone disassociates and once you get PTSD and become hyper aware you no longer have the ability to disassociate?

I've never been able to distinguish psychogenic dissociation from unstable blood sugar or high histamine which rockets adrenaline.

I've never understood what dissociation is neurologically. What happens to brain, blood content, etc.

Neither have I understood whether dissociation is adrenaline shooting up to the opiate release place, "freeze state" or ancient parasympathetic state.

Here's my wildest experience. Second wildest maybe. I was the only middle class white woman in a ev shelter in a city along I-75. I stood out. The other women werent ap sure I was allowed to stay. I was totally miserable anyway, and scared to death, surfing alone at a table on the patio. A woman arrived from Detroit. She was talking fast as it got dark. She was telling how her boxer bear her. Telling became reliving. Everyone froze, in horror. We were watching her being beaten by a ghost. Her voice was still narrating, "his arms" but her body was flinching and being struck.

Eventoryone ceoze. Then I was on my feet walking over with my own voice in my head screaming in panic wbat are you doing? I didnt know. I.really was observi.g myself like a stranger.

I found myself kneeling crouched on one knee and one foot before her making steady eye contact and encoiraging her in a very solemn voice to make prayer hands and crack down with all she had on his clavivle. AI pulled aside my shirt to show her. Crack down hard. May I take your hands? Here. Like this. rCrack that bone and he cant lift his arm. Then, swing like you have a bat here, his shes will roll up and he looks real stupid...

I sort of came too, and thought oh shti what have I done? They will run me off before breakfast. O may as well pack. Detroit was quite amazed, but smiling and not being beaten and not frozen.

Everyone ae was still silent.

I started to slink off feeling stupid when some harsh voice asked If I could take her boxer , being mocking. I went straight back to that weird tate. "oh hell no, hed kick my ***! Hes still got his lega and his other arm.". I was back to Detroit solemn as a child, "dont stand and Box a man. You break his collar bone to disable his arm If you can and stun him. Stun and run! ".

They laughed. Under cover of laughter I hightailed it back to my table and concentrated o. Breathing normal and not glowing in the dark like we do. But someone tossed me a full pack of cigarettes. My dad had told me cigarette etiquette. From another direction came a lighter. I could have cried. I returned the cigarettes and lighter and was just wondrous that I was an OK person who could be accepted in spite of being a crazy. It was the start of my recovery. Recovery began with a mild smoke.

I keep talking about Jung and shadow work and "gold in the shadow". The dissociated part of me that I began to allow into consciousness that day was a very gentle teacher and a fighter. This was weeks before that moment I thought Id. have to control a police officer and his gun.

Ive been very dissociative. Im very self conscious. I have hate, hate, hated that moment of seeing people staring with mouths and eyes perfect os, me wondering, "what did I just do?". And then I remember. "oh sweet Jesus no, I explained the valorisation of capital?. Why? Why am i like this?"

Thank god im finally old. It takes the pressure off. I got to fifty like this. I survived. Can you?

I was diagnosed with dissociation about 3 years ago. Although I think I may have had it almost all my life.

For a while I didn't know when I was dissociating.
I knew I felt "odd", almost "high" as I explained it to my therapist.
Now my therapist can tell when I am dissociating (if a convo gets to heavy).
He will begin to point it out by saying "it feels bubbly in here". Thats the best I can explain it.

Also, another thing I just learned that has to do with dissociation, is memory; remembering what you did last week or even yesterday. I'm guessing if you block things out a lot as I do.
I know I also get easily confused from it too. Caffeine seems to help with that ;/
And losing track of time seems to be a symptom as well.

Does anyone know how to stop dissociating?
Sometimes I feel like I can't stop? Like it gives me temporary relief, like a drug in itself. Has anyone else have these experiences?

Sorry, I am fairly new to recovery

I know during the traumatic event I had, I was disassociated...but yeah I experience it fairly often since that but yeah it can especially happen if I start talking about the PTSD and trauma and getting into more detail and such, like in a recent therapy meeting I was trying to explain something about it and just thinking about it that much was really stressful and I was anxious feeling...then when I left the therapy office I felt totally out of it...and sort of a floating feeling so sort of like a 'high' but without all the pleasantries.

But yeah I think the mind causes that as a defense mechanism so in a sense it is your brain trying to provide relief from the overwhelming stress...of course it can be rather debilitating if you are trying to do something involving coordination for instance and is just a rather uncomfortable feeling at least to me.

I do not know if dissociation is the same as the opiate release part of ptsd. The opiates we make in our bodies and release when we go numb are addictive. Some people overtrain or become "rage-a-holics" to get their fix. If you've ever gotten really mad or scared, then gone to a peaceful calm numb place, then felt touchy or irritable or weepy or suicidal or wanted to drink a lot of coffee or cut or work out till you puke or you just feel "impossible" for a long time...that's opiate. I don't know if its actually physically addictive. t could be. A lot of people are psychologically dependent without knowing it. I used to overtrain and drink pots of coffee and chain smoke. I smoked a pack of Winstons a day at my most athletic. Talk about dissociation.

Interestingly enough the brain reacts to spicy food as actual pain, like that spicy burny sensation you get in your mouth tricks the brain into thinking you're in extreme pain so it releases its natural opiates...probably why its hard to stop eating salsa once you start no matter how much your mouth burns, or how much indigestion you get.

But that is more of an uplifting feeling than I get with the disassociation...but maybe eating something spicy(or doing anything else that could cause the brains natural opiates to release) when you aren't on edge or experiencing symptoms causes more good feeling effects of the brains opiates...but if you're having symptoms and go numb or disassociate it doesn't reach that point because its just taking the edge off or whatever rather then being in a 'healthy' state and having the brain release those. I actually once tried clearing up an ongoing stuffy nose I had for a while with cayenne pepper by sniffing a little bit it burnt but sort of helped me breath better and the feeling after that was kind of nice actually nose felt all numb after the burning sensation went away and mentally I felt quite calm( I know sounds like one of those idiotic things bored kids might do to try to get 'high' but that experience is what it is). But I'm not a neurologist just my thoughts and experience on the topic.

That's funny about peppers. I know there is a buzz to them.. Indian parents at Chick E cheeses birthday parties used to have a double jalepeno pizza for the adults. One of the dads would say, that was very hot and all the adults would nod gratefully and enjoy a quarter hour high.

My dad told me working alcoholics would drink tobasco on the job.

I thought it was about vasoconstriction or something. I didn't know pepper was opiate releasing. But interestingly (to me, anyway) I've found I am sometimes very sensitive to spices. I thought it was high histamine only but this evening I had a sudden crash in mood and tracing it back cayenne was involved. I would have guessed peppers raise histamine which is why men who know feed wome spicy. food. If they act directly on endorphins...wow.

I liked being crazy like this when it was all about karate and sex. Now that its all anger and suicidality, its a drag.

Don't sniff cayenne! Boil a pinch in a covered sauce pan, and smell the steam, don't steam your face, but if you can smell cayenne you have molecules in your nose. Jalepeno.milk will clear you up too.

I was pretty desperate to get rid of the stuffy nose, but perhaps the steaming method would have been easier on the nose as that did burn quite a lot and it was only a very tiny amount basically what stuck to my finger when I put it in the jar...but I was relying on the internet and a couple sources said that was one 'remedy'.

here in america dissociation in general is feelings of numbness, feelings of disconnection from ones body or emotions, feelings of spaciness, foggy minded.

the new diagnostics that america is going by now does not include those same symptoms caused by drugs/alcohol/ psychogenic's/prescriptions or other mental and physical health problems that share these same symptoms. before a symptom can be called dissociation here in america those things must be ruled out as the cause now due to the new diagnostic criteria put into affect as of the printing of the DSM 5.

Some locations do use the terms dissociation and disassociation (pronounced dis association) interchangeably but here in america they are two different things....

here Disassociation means to purposely prevent yourself from participating/interacting/feeling ....where as dissociation is an automatic response to a trigger be it a positive or negative trigger...

examples

dis association.....I disassociated myself from playing softball (meaning I purposely quit the team and sport) I disassociated myself from a family get together (meaning I purposely shut down my anger and left a family get together)

Dissociation....when I get stressed at work I start feeling dissociated (meaning I start feeling numb and spacy/foggy minded when I get stressed out at work.) when I was afraid because my abuser was being released from prison I felt dissociated (meaning I felt numb and disconnected, as if my world had slowed down/became unreal even though reality wise I knew everything around me was going on as it normally does.

visual distortions can be a part of PTSD/dissociation or any other reason such as mental /physical problems, medications, normal, sleep deprivation, not eating correctly, poor eye sight in need of glasses,....too many reasons to write them all...

with in me visual distortions are part of my bipolar disorder and my multiple sclerosis. I also get this when I have not gotten enough sleep or have not eaten correctly/skipped meals.

to find out if this is dissociation in you, you will need to contact your treatment providers.

Here's a better remedy. . Keep jalapenos in the freezer. At first sign of a cold put on milk (dairy or nut) to steam and add a thinly slices pepper. Sip it hot. Its good.

Thats exactly how I feel after I dissociate. Like "out of it".
I am in a business where I have to dissociate a lot. I remember before I was diagnosed with it, I was with a client and I was so nervous that he would think I was on drugs (I wasn't at that time). I had no idea what was wrong with me but then I realized and learned about dissociation.
Very odd feeling.