[SkyWhite]

For a couple of weeks now I've come to realize I was sexually abused although the memories are still vague. Four days ago I had a terrifying dream of being sexually abused as a child and it felt so real like it was actually happening again. I was so scared I tried to keep from falling asleep again for fear I'd have the dream again. I've never been that afraid of a dream before.

In spite of all this, I now feel nothing. Feels like I'm floating through my day. Not happy, not sad. I can laugh and smile, but not one emotion is more pronounced than the next. I continue to get a couple of dull headaches. I feel kind of numb, but at the same time okay. Maybe my new antidepressant is doing its magic.

Is this a calm before the storm or is it over, meaning are the memories and flashbacks over? Can that be possible? Or am I retreating into dissociation?

[Rosa Marie]

Hi Sky!!
Aww PTSD dreams are the worst! Sorry for what you have been through.
I've been in the same position. I know in my case when I get that feeling of numb but yet content, I am dissociating. It feels better then the feeling of reliving terrifying "memories" but you should be able to feel your feelings. I'm still in the process of recovering my feeling because I have spent years blocking them out, what I mean by years is practically all my life lol, but sometimes yoga helps me connect. Just a suggestion.
Or even a simple check in with your body, noticing sensations or even small changes you can feel?
If you don't mind me asking, what do you do now to get over ptsd symptoms?

Good luck!

[ChildlikeEmpress]

I'm so sorry you've been having traumatic dreams. I can't say if the flashbacks are over, but the numb state you are in sounds like dissociation to me, too.
I'm in that state myself most of the time these days, but sometimes panic or strong trauma feelings will break through briefly before being shut down by the dissociation again.
I know it's a defense to help keep things functional, but then the dissociation itself can get really bad (in my case as in strange unreality feelings, disconnected from the body, can't move, etc), and then it's not so functional anymore.
One thing I have found to be helpful sometimes is watching these really wonderful naturescape videos by Louie Schwartzberg called "Moving Art". They are all on Netflix if you happen to have that, and other places too. Anyway it's just music with scenes of flying over various landscapes, watching flowers open and close and plants in time-lapse, night skies, etc and I find it to be very moving somehow. It makes me *feel* for awhile. They're my go-to comfort videos these days, especially if I'm really dissociating badly. Are there any videos, movies, music etc that typically can get into your emotions?

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Rosa Marie

Or even a simple check in with your body, noticing sensations or even small changes you can feel?
If you don't mind me asking, what do you do now to get over ptsd symptoms?

Good luck!

I use distractions to get over my symptoms. I did art sometimes but I'm not motivated for that these days. I focus on housework and keeping busy. I started using my treadmill again.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by ChildlikeEmpress

Are there any videos, movies, music etc that typically can get into your emotions?

Movies work well, but I have trouble concentrating for long. I love music. It used to relax me, but it has a tendency to trigger me, so lately I haven't listened music. It's possible I don't listen to it because it brings up those pesky emotions I'm trying to ignore. The relaxing videos seem like a good idea. We have a station like that on our TV.

I'm wondering if maybe my dissociating is a good thing. Maybe my mind is giving me a much needed break. I'm at home all day and my H doesn't make any big demands, so what harm can a mental break do?

[Rosa Marie]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

I use distractions to get over my symptoms. I did art sometimes but I'm not motivated for that these days. I focus on housework and keeping busy. I started using my treadmill again.

Art sounds like a good one!
Cleaning/ housework seems to help me also. Sometimes when I am disconnected and clean for a while, I just break down for no apparent reason. But I guess it helps me to feel what I am feeling.
I'm glad you have outlets!