[Rosa Marie]

Today I went to go see yet another psychiatrist. To my surprise I actually feel like I can connect with her. Finally, I am feeling some hope to overcoming my disorders.

However, she wants me on a lot of medicine. I'm nervous and feeling a bit uncomfortable. One by one I am regimented to go on a mood stabilizer (I believe starts with a D), an anti depressant, and something to alleviate the nightmares.

I struggle with PTSD and dissociation. I thought I have tried everything; a number of therapist, reading remedies to gain knowledge, even a holistic approach through yoga, meditation, auyvedia, and accupressure. Although it helped ease some symptoms, I'm coming to a low point in my disorder. I'm losing motivation for anything. Literally the day passes me by and I don't know what I've done with myself.
I find myself saying "i just want to be normal again" and truth is, I don't know why I keep saying that? I have never been normal. I was born into a home that was chaotic and violent (not toward me). This lead me to my own abusive relationships. Countless sexual assaults, which lead me to be a professional sex operating robot/therapist for the last 7 years of my life. Truthfully, my work has been one of the only constants/ stable aspects of my life "growing up".
But so many years of blocking trauma and feelings have left me with the feeling of "who the h*** am I?" I tried to take my life earlier this year. I block my feelings out so much that I had no idea I was even suicidal?

I feel like the first 22 years of my life have been a huge car crash. The last 4 of trying to "heal" myself and dealing with the aftermath have been the worst part.

Does anyone else have similar symptoms? How do you deal? Is it ever cured?

Medicine was sort of my last resort, but I need relief. i can't keep using illegal drugs to cope. Did anyone else feel the same nervousness of starting medicine?

Thanks for any help or taking the time to read and relate. I wrote a bit more then I thought I would

[Open Eyes]

Hi Rosa Marie, you have had many challenges, welcome to PC and the PTSD forums.

I think you should try regular medications and therapy instead of the self medicating you had been doing. I think you can learn to heal, forgive yourself for whatever you didn't understand in your past too, and gain and grow towards managing a better life for yourself.

((Welcoming Hugs))
OE

[Teacake]

I strongly urge anyone who is not taking medicine to seriously explore alternatives before you begin.

The amino acid GABA, taken according to the late Dr. Billie Jay Sahleys instructions (and read her little eight dollar book!), can relieve you of nightmares and give you normal sleep with normal dreams. It can undo a lot of tension and trauma. So can yoga. So can David Bercelis Trauma Releasing Exercises. Go slow on fight type trauma.

My GABA rant always has to include that I had to drink enough that it could have killed me because nothing a psychiatrist could give me let me sleep without waking with a pounding heart unless unwashed it down with the amount of whiskey that killed Dylan Thomas. This is so not funny. I could have died because western doctors won't prescribe amino acids. Alcohol kills. Sleep deprivation kills. Ptsd has alarming suicide rates. And doctors won't prescribe what works because they don't knoww about it or Their corporate employers don't allow it or so.ething.

[ThisWayOut]

sounds like you are dealing with a lot. Meds can be helpful to a lot of people, and may be worth a shot, especially if you are resporting to self-medicating.
I personally try to stay off of them, but I also tried several, several meds and combinations before I came to this comclusion. Everyone responds differently to treatment. If you are worried about the meds, it may be a good time to have a more in-depth conversation with your prescriber on what you can expect from them, and what you should watcch out for. It would also be a ogod idea to voice your concerns directly to your provider. We can give you our opinions (for or against), but it's still very much an individual thing.
It sounds like you have tried a lot of different interventions already. Meds may be a good alternative if you are not feeling relief from what you tried.
Good luck either way.

[Rosa Marie]

Thank you very much for the advice and the opinions!
I am starting medication monday. I got my prescription and looks like I am starting on; Lamotrigine Hopefully this works. I think this will help me with using other drugs because I am not usually a fan of mixing things.

Tea, Thank you for sharing your story!! I'm sorry that you had to go through that.