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#1
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Stupid physical symptoms....the whole excessive startle reflex thing sems to be getting worse jumping at even sudden rather insignificant not even loud noises, well a little earlier that happened again except now i cannot remember what it was someone doing something in the kitchen upstairs however this time it set off a bunch of other crap a weird spine chilling 'oh *****' feeling, froze up and then couldn't stop shaking ended up curled up on the ground(from the look of it, my carpet needs vaccuming I got a close up view lol) felt that disassociating feeling and just tried to breath slower and remind myself I was fine mentally and no real danger and it just a stupid physical reaction and to stay here...never had a visual sort of flashback but that was a pretty strong disassociating feeling I was fighting off like being pulled out of my head if that makes sense and having to hold on tight not to be and they say untreated PTSD gets worse...so it might be a matter of it hasn't gone that far 'yet'. Then as I was still trying to recover from that my mom was calling me from upstairs and it took me a couple minutes to even be able to respond I'd be up in a minute due to not being able to form anything intelligible for a short time.
even still feels like got adrenaline or something on overdrive filling my brain/body with it and am still rather unsteady physically...I am so over the freeze, want to/attempt to escape fight or flight crap, apparently its not over me though and wants to stick around. So yeah screw you PTSD, I really...really hate that and it makes me feel like crap.
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![]() BLUEDOVE, Bluegrey, Fuzzybear, JadeAmethyst, JaneC, kaliope, Open Eyes, SkyWhite
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#2
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I am so glad I don't do that **** anymore...I have come a long way...thanks for reminding me I have made progress...you will too
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#3
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Well it is good if you don't really have those sorts of experiences any more. Its certianly worse then the anxiety/panic attacks I sometimes get due to the GAD I've had since childhood before the PTSD, but similar to them.
I just really hate it not suprisingly, but have to keep in perspective its just the damn PTSD not a flaw in me as a person, still hard to feel that way about it though...and I still end up just feeling stupid/pathetic because wtf....even when that happened I was thinking to myself 'seriously, over some noise upstairs. Also have not been getting a lot of sleep or restful sleep, keep end up staying up just about all night and then may sleep in till 12pm if lucky or still get up around 8 or 9. Every time I think to take the trazodone its like already 1 in the morning and if I take it that late I'm all lethargic when I get up or I think I might just get tired enough to sleep so don't end up taking it. I am sure that does not help my stress level. I bet one of these times someone will end up walking in on me or seeing in that state which I am dreading...
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Winter is coming. |
![]() Open Eyes
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#4
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I hate feeling that way too. It happens to me occasionally when I am in T. Something that comes up in discussion, and it feels like I am being dragged outta my body, or my body just shuts down and I feel way out in the distance. I get stuck there. I feel mortified when I come back.
Now that I am beginning to recognise when it happening, I fight it to stay in the moment, like I'm talking to myself as you described, telling myself to stay here. It is exhausting for sure! I'll be glad when that stops happening so often. Take care of yourself Hellion ![]() |
![]() Bluegrey
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![]() Hellion
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#5
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Feel a bit better now, after the initial instance it did subside but sort of came back just not quite as intense. Ended up just hiding in my bed staring at nothing really feeling sort of 'stuck' difficult to exactly explain what I mean and then eventually I just fell asleep for a while. But yeah I've already been worn out lately and that didn't help...those episodes or whatever take a lot of energy.
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Winter is coming. |
![]() Bluegrey, JaneC
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