[aprillynn197]

Living your life knowing your father never cared about you is hard. Ill never be a daddys girl. Ill never be given away properly at my wedding. Ill never have his shoulder to cry on. Should I forgive my father for never being there for never caring where I was or what I was feeling? Should I forgive him for stealing me from my mother just to sell me? Should I forgive him for all I have suffered my whole life? I am in hell today. If only I was special enough to be loved by my father. I wouldnt have to ask myself these questions.

[Open Eyes]

Your father stold you from your mother and sold you? Were you sold as an infant?

Are you from a culture where this happens?

[aprillynn197]

Like 1 or 2 yrs old and no im not

[aprillynn197]

He lied to the people who paid him. They were told my mom was a hooker but I dont kbow his reasob for not keeping me he kept my brother butnot me I was gone for two weeks and my mom was able to talk to the couple who bought me and straightened them out. Getting me back. No legal action was taken and my mon still had to drop me off on weekends for my dads visitation. This went on till I was 15 abd I said im done with this and I never saw him since. Im 37 now.

[doyoutrustme]

I don't see why you should. That's just my opinion. You might find help in the book, 'Toxic Parents'

[Open Eyes]

Oh, I am sorry you went through that. It is so sad when children are born to people who think they are just mere objects and don't realize how their need to only care about themselves adversely affects the child in so many ways. People have children all the time and have absolutely no idea how to properly nurture and raise a child at all.

I think that what you need to do is step away from your emotional self and take some time to realize/understand how this is not about "your worthiness" at all, your father did not even know "how" to think about a child the way you needed him to. Just because he kept your brother, doesn't mean he knew what your brother needed either. It can be similar to being able to manage one dog and not two, and that doesn't even mean loving or actually training or caring about a mere dog, let alone a human child.

Whatever you did to thrive in your life that you may not like, is not your fault either, you did things to try to thrive and you did things without having the right caring mentorship. Unfortunately, this happens with a lot of children and in all classes of people too.

Your healing is going to be about "grieving" whatever has hurt you, what you did not understand that was never your fault either. However, you can learn to develop better ways of thriving and gaining knowledge about how to live better, understand better and even do better for yourself "in spite" of whatever you did not know "how" to do or self protect from in your past.

PTSD is a challenge and often tells the person who is suffering messages of unworthiness,
however, those are only messages of "hurts" that need to be discussed, validated, and healed and taught/learned to overcome.

(((Caring Healing Hugs)))
OE

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Your father stold you from your mother and sold you? Were you sold as an infant?

Are you from a culture where this happens?

Obviously it happened so OP is from a culture where this happens. Western Christians do all the same child abuse those "ethnic" cultures in "foreign" places do.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by aprillynn197

Like 1 or 2 yrs old and no im not

Yes you are love. One of the lessons in trauma is that anything under the sun that can.happen can happen to US. Whatever your dad thought he was doing with his infant stealing and selling actions was something a human being was capable of doing. It happened to you because it can happen in our own very civilised culture just as easily and often as it happens anywhere.

Trauma doesn't happen because we violate some cultural rule. Trauma happens because we are monkeys with elaborate brains trying really hard to become the kind of people we can imagine. Some of us fail.

But to sneer your question, for myself, I do not withhold forgiveness from anyone who asks. It is surprising how few do ask. So I don't think of them unless I can report them to someonewho.can slow down or prevent their destructive ways. Not for revenge or "healing" . For innocent others. Because we owe that duty of care to one another. So we can evolve.

You are not obligated to forgive him no. You do what YOU want and put yourself first.

[Fuzzybear]

[Rosa Marie]

That is really sad
Hurt people hurt people. Your dad has his own issues, his actions have nothing to do with your worthiness. He needs to get his own help.
Obviously, you are here and trying to better yourself and that says a lot! I hope you get past this painful time.
Is your dad receiving any treatment or help to fix whatever issue he has?

[Parley]

I know it's not my business but I wonder if you want to forgive him for yourself or are you hoping to reconcile with him? I don't have an opinion though. I know there are a few threads about forgiveness that might be of help to you. The search above works pretty good and if all else fails search hate because that usually leads to the same conversation.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

[aprillynn197]

Thank you

[Hellion]

Don't really see the point in that, I mean would forgiving him for that sort of abuse really make you feel any better?

[moniker2014]

Someone once told me, though I frequently fail to follow the advice:
"We forgive not because the person you are forgiving deserves to be forgiven; they're not. We forgive because YOU deserve to be a forgiving person. Don't let someone rob you of that."

[doyoutrustme]

I'm ok with not being forgiving. Some people don't deserve it. That being said, doesn't mean you can't move on and past the trauma