[SecondSkin]

I wish we (my husband and i) had more help. My mother in law spends her time taking care of her other grandkids who live an hour away in two different directions... every week. We live five minutes from her. She barely sees my child.
My t told me I needed a night off. Not just a couple hours, but a night where my husband and I could relax and I could get some relief from this anxiety. But when my husband asked her, she was just too busy. To be fair, it was last minute... and she doesn't really know anything about what I'm going through.
It brings up control issues from my past... and just triggers even more emotion.
I'm just having a hard time dealing with stuff like this when I'm already so edgy. I can't sleep well. My diet is a mess. Rather, my appetite for the bad outweighs the logic for good, wholesome food.
I just want to be able to focus on myself for a little bit. My child is almost 2, and has boundless energy. I hate to plunk in front of the tv. I'm trying really hard to be a good mother but I'm losing patience and I just need some help.
I know this isn't exactly PTSD related, but if I didn't have it, there wouldn't be a need to go on a mini personal retreat. :/

[Open Eyes]

((SecondSkin)),

Oh, that is hard to have a little toddler and the demands of that and struggle too. I learned to take naps when my daughter did, luckily my daughter was a good napper.
I think that you have to "try" to see if the mother in law could take your daughter once in a while, but you will have to plan ahead with that. You might also want to look into seeing if you can hire a teenage helper too that can spend time with your child while you get a break too. By the age of three you can have her spend some mornings at a nursery school to also give you a break. Age two is hard because they are not quite ready for nursery school "yet". So, it is better to try to find a mother's helper that you can cultivate a relationship with and they are not as expensive either.

[Silent_Tears_17]

I agree with Open Eyes. Care.com is a decent search engine. I know it's not perfect but I have used it to find jobs and have never had a problem. You pay some money but can buy a 1 mont subscription and find people and then exit the system and just keep in touch with the people you find. They give background checks and a lot of different people are on there. Plus you can post a job and people can apply for it.
Alternatively, you could ask around about babysitters people you know have used. If control is an issue, you could have someone over to watch the little one while you are at home doing other things. So if someone comes over and plays with the little one while you doing laundry and dishes or whatever then you can get work done and when the sitter leaves you and the "baby" can sit and watch some tv.
Idk if any of that was helpful. But good luck.

[SecondSkin]

Thanks for your responses. I guess what is tough about this too is that we really don't have the money to hire someone. I'm a sahm and that's what we can afford. If I were to get a job, it'd be to pay for child care... and we'd be in the red.
My sister-in-laws both have money. One especially so. I know they need help just like me, but they can afford to hire help... we can't. Just the situation right now. My mother-in-law drives an hour out to her daughters twice a week to watch her grandkids.
Us being 5 minutes away and not having any help from her is tough. I'd love to be able to take some time for myself to calm down, reset. Sometimes I can do that during a nap but most often I'm trying to get important stuff done that I can't do around a toddler.
I'm at my breaking point. I really just need a couple hours a week. I'll even take it once a month.
Her not helping us makes me feel like I'm not really part of the family. It's not like we haven't asked. She's usually doing something and books herself out for months.
Maybe if I didn't just get side lined with starting EMDR (too much too soon) I'd be able to handle running after my kid a bit better.
I just want to be a good mom. How can you be a good mom when you can't even take care of yourself?
(Sorry this is a bit all over the place.)

[Open Eyes]

SecondSkin,

Honestly, I think both you and your husband should meet with his mother and be honest about your challenge and tell her you really need her help. You need to have a face to face meeting with her and lay it out honestly and then ask her if she can give you some time while you work through this with therapy.

People will not "know" how to help unless they are "educated" and told how they can be helpful when it comes to supporting someone who struggles with PTSD.

I find myself "wishing" that professionals would access a patient and learn about their family dynamics and agree to meet with the family and have video that shows a family how someone with PTSD struggles, that they seriously need support and they are not crazy and their condition is not their fault either. I know that would have helped me had my family been instructed in how to be more supportive to me.

Everyone that I have come across who struggles with PTSD consistently talks about the lack of support from their family and friends, and that should be something that should not have to take place. People who struggle with PTSD do NOT deserve to feel so alone with it or feel guilty that they need "help" either.

When I was at my "worst" my family was "angry" with me for having the "stress breakdown" that I had and NONE OF THEM just sat with me and comforted me which is what I needed and deserved them to do for me. I spent 9 days in a psych ward and even ate Thanksgiving dinner with strangers that were all very mentally ill and NONE of my family came to see me, that was CRUEL.

It took about 4 years for me to finally have a therapist who demanded to meet with my husband and explain to him that I was genuinely struggling and needed "support". That should have taken place "right away".

Your husband should be meeting with your therapist and discuss "how he can help you" instead of you being so alone with this and feeling like some kind of burden. Your husband should learn how to help you, and also sit with his mother and explain to her that he needs her help too.

I think that you should talk about this with your therapist SecondSkin and see if your therapist can meet with your husband, even agree to meet with your husband and his mother too.

It does make a difference when family members are not only educated but also given directions on how they can be more "supportive" to the patient struggling.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE