[SkyWhite]

Since my T told my two weeks ago I have only 6 sessions left, my flashbacks and foggy trauma memories have stopped. I still get triggered and I still have the headaches that make my physically ill, but the rest of it has stopped. If I do feel a memory or flashback come up I block it, although I still react physically. Could this be because I feel abandoned and unable to trust him now? It's not like I like the flashbacks and horrible foggy trauma memories, it's just that I know they're there under the surface and I can't allow them to come up now.

I'm leaving counseling unable to work, unable to do things I used to enjoy, unable to be around people, unable to have a normal sex life, and unable to feel hope for the future. I seem to be leaving therapy in worse shape than when I started. This is not a good way to leave someone's care. But it is what it is and he didn't make the rules about set visits.

I am so confused.

[Silent_Tears_17]

I think you are coping. When I am living away from home for school I have to deal with a lot of memories and emotional issues stemming from past issues.
When I am at my house, I don't. I shut down because my brain knows i cannot process anything there. It goes into survival mode. It seems to know when it is a safe time to "deal" and when it is not safe to do so. You know therapy is going to end, so you are preparing - physically and mentally.
You are trying to tie loose ends together, instead of opening up new things to deal with.

This website has free, online hotlines for sexual assault. They can provide help and resources. And you don't have to call and talk or go somewhere and talk. All you have to do is type which I find much easier. https://www.rainn.org/

[Open Eyes]

SkyWhite, if you need more therapy, you need more therapy, what you are saying about therapy ending in a few more sessions doesn't sound right to me at all.

Sorry, but there is no way another person can just say you only get help for X amount of time and after that you are supposed to be better. PTSD is just not helped that way.

The headaches you are discribing are "stress/tension" headaches, which means you need to take "time outs" and get rest to slow things down so you are not constantly fight/flight stressing yourself out.

You don't "just" get fixed so you can forget about whatever is challenging you in your relationship either. If you are struggling with being intimate, then you are not ready to be intimate, not your fault.

There is no "I am supposed to be cured by X therapies" when it comes to PTSD. No, it takes as long as it takes for a patient and it never gets cured by a designated timeline, every patient is going to have different needs, and some patients need therapy for a few years depending on their history.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

There is no "I am supposed to be cured by X therapies" when it comes to PTSD. No, it takes as long as it takes for a patient and it never gets cured by a designated timeline, every patient is going to have different needs, and some patients need therapy for a few years depending on their history.

Thanks Open Eyes. My T doesn't like it either, but his hands are tied. The public health clinic where he works has a 6 visit only rule for counseling services. He took me on for a year against protocol. Around our 6 visit point last year I became suicidal and went into the hospital for 3 weeks. He said he couldn't, in good conscious, stop seeing me after that. We spent the rest of our time after the hospital getting me stable. When he saw I was relatively okay and my meds were working, he had to begin termination. I don't have insurance and even if I did, c-ptsd can't be used as a diagnosis because it's not in the DSM-5. I have BPD traits but I was never told that was my diagnosis.

I saw him yesterday and I was still angry about it all. I was totally shut down. I told him the memories and flashbacks have stopped and that if I start getting a memory or flashback I push it down. It takes a lot of energy to do that, but I think they'll eventually stop altogether. I also don't journal or go on the forum too much because it triggers me. I pretty much cloistered myself in my home. I don't want to be around people. Since finding out I was molested on top of my other abuse, my faith in anything and anybody has crumbled. I can't find any joy in my art or my piano practice. I do housework and watch TV all day. And winter is coming and I have SAD. The SAD lamp works to a point, but winters are particularly difficult for me because I like being outdoors. I live in central Canada where the winters can get bitterly cold making it nearly impossible to do anything outside for days at a time.

The only thing keeping alive, I believe, is the meds. But they kind of numb me out and my affect is kind of flat at times.

Canada has an abysmal record in terms of mental health care. Our universal health care doesn't cover ongoing therapy. PTSD is a particular problem because many of our vets are committing suicide since coming from Afghanistan.

I also had a thought this a.m. Why isn't complex ptsd in the DSM-V when there's so much evidence of it's existence? I think c-ptsd is not in the DSM-V because the insurance companies blocked it. It's so prevalent the insurance cos. would lose money if it became an actual diagnosis. I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory but I wouldn't put anything past the insurance cos. I truly believe they're evil.

[Open Eyes]

They just have it all under PTSD SkyWhite, but a good therapist understands when it is more than just one traumatic event.

This is what I don't like about the health care system and what is happening here in the states too. I think that what is taking place with you is "wrong" because you deserve to have therapy for as long as you need it.