[WillowWolf]

If you go to my profile page you can get a short run down of my life, just incase any of you want some more background.
Let me just say before I write what happened that when I left my abusive Father I knew deep down that running to my Mother would not be my saving grace. She was abusive to me in her own way, not hitting like my Father or mental torment but she made me always feel like nothing I did was good enough, that people would leave me at the drop of a hat.
Recently I was reminded why she is still no good for me. I still live with her, due to low income and her being a control freak who refuses to make me feel like I can ever do anything.
I don't know how it happened really. But she wanted help with her laptop in sending a message. In a way my Mother is like a two year old, she asks for help but then says she wants to do it herself, so then you end up standing around with her watching her do things that you could show her how to do but she doesn't want your help anymore. She kept talking and asking how to send the message and wouldn't let me talk so I spoke a little louder to talk over her and that pretty much set her off.
She yelled at me so I left the room. She then continued to demand that I help her only for her to get more and more annoyed that I was trying to help her. In the end I ended up in my room with my dresser against the door. She broke down my door and my dresser just so she could back me into a corner and yell at me.
Now this really sent me back to memories of how my Father treated me. When he would yell at me and hit me I was freeze and just take the punishment because the less I fought back the sooner it would be over with. So here I was again in the same situation but with my Mother. I was really scared. I think logically I didn't think she would hurt me but the yelling I could take. In the end I just kept saying I was sorry and that it was my fault and I was bad.
Thing is about my Mom she can't say she's sorry, either she is right or you're both wrong. Everything is about her. And because she had made me cry and shake none stop she took this like I was trying to make her into the bad guy. Basically she kept asking things like,
"Why are you shaking I didn't do anything to you!"
"Stop it!"
"What are you doing? Why are you crying?"
Just things like that. It really made me realize that no matter how many times I've told my Mother that all the things my Father did messed me up she will never understand. She lives in this weird reality where you can just do anything you want.
This made me come to terms with how I needed to move out. But that's a long ways away considering she won't teach me anything or help me in anyway. I've given so much of my life to this woman but she still takes and takes and I just wish she would wake up and see how much she's hurting me. It hurts to see my friends with their Moms and see how nicely they are treated by them, how they encourage them. It really hurts. But what hurts the most is this is the person who gave birth to me and she doesn't love me at all.
I don't know what I'm expecting by writing this but either someone will have some words of wisdom or someone will read this and know that they are not alone.

[Open Eyes]

((WillowWolf)),

I only had to read about the challenge you had helping your mother with the computer and her getting frustrated and then she blows up at you. It sounds to me like your mother may have some PTSD issues herself that is undiagnosed. She has such a short fuse, and you feel nothing you do is right because she really doesn't understand how to ask for help, that is typical of people who struggle with PTSD symptoms. If your father is abusive and she left him, she probably left him because he was abusing her.

What your mother is saying by her behavior is that when you sit at the computer and show her, she is not following and remembering what you are showing her. If you stand over her, you are probably triggering her because that is reminding her of how your father treated her, only she is not "aware" of that. It is better to sit next to her and keep your tone low and patient. Your mother needs to do whatever you are showing her in small steps. Once your mother does each step a few times, she will feel more capable. Most learn by doing.

I am sorry that you have moved from one broken person to yet another and this is causing YOU problems. Try to keep in mind that your mother is a victim of abuse herself and she will be sensitive and have a victim mentality. She should be getting therapy for this, unfortunately there are many out there that should be in therapy but never seek help. This is especially hard if these broken individuals have children because their behaviors hurt the children. It's sad because many parents hurt their children and they really don't realize it. A parent that makes a child feel unworthy or blames their child as you are discribing is HURTING that child and leaving that child confused where the child developes low self esteem. You are a victim yourself, NOT YOUR FAULT, neither of your parents are actually "adults", their behaviors towards you have been expressing their immaturity. That is NEVER the child's fault. What ever way your mother is treating you is WHAT SHE KNOWS, and what you have discribed of her, all she knows is HOW TO ABUSE. I am sorry, but she is really showing you what she has learned, was probably treated that way herself.

Do you have a therapist? If not, you should do some research and see if you can find one, even if you can't afford one, see if you qualify for some kind of aide so you can get access to one. You can also call an abuse hotline, I don't have the numbers but I am sure you can search the net. These individuals are kind and patient, and they can give you numbers to call so you can reach out for help.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

[phoenix7]

I hope you can leave soon - what is it she didint teach you that you need to learn ? staying there may be more toxic than leaving and finding your own way through the things you werent taught

My mother taught me that you put everyone else first - that you have no life because you give it to others - thats what she did - she tried to pay us back for what our father did - but it wasnt her debt to pay

you can learn as i did how to survive alone - lots here can help you

you are worth more than this - please I hope that you can get away soon - she soundsvery toxic

some people were never meant to be parents...