Oh, crap.

Just as I was thinking about terminating therapy...another school shooting. And with it all the familiar feeling sick with anxiety feelings. At least this time I've managed to stop myself reading the details, which is more than I managed the last time I heard about something like this happening. I don't want to know. I don't need to know. This doesn't affect me.

Except it does affect me. Anything about school shootings does. I guess it's asking a bit much to be able to read about something like that and just think "oh". I wouldn't want to just think that, anyway. These are people - ok, strangers, but that doesn't mean I can't care. I guess I have to work out if I care about them or if I care about what happened at my school, even though it was so long ago. Maybe it's a bit of both. Whatever it is, I'm safe now. Even if I might feel otherwise. But will these things never stop? Are people always going to be killing each other? Am I going to have to get used to seeing stories like this in the news, to hearing people talking about it?

This post probably doesn't make much sense, does it. Sorry for the rant...but it's helped being able to "talk", I think.

(I wasn't sure if the trigger icon was necessary, but I thought I'd better put it on, just in case.)

(((( Rio ))))

I thought of you when I heard about what happened today.

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I know it brings back awful memories.

Be gentle with yourself and do not give yourself a hard time about feeling what you feel.

They are your feelings and they are legitimate. I would feel the same way. It's ok.

((((Petunia)))) Thanks. I'm trying my best to keep away from anything to do with it, and I thought I was going to be ok, but my aunt just sent me an email about it and how it's reminded her of Dunblane as well...I'm struggling now. (I don't blame her, though - in a way, it would have been harder for her, because she understood what was happening, but she lives at the other side of the world so wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.)

Thanks. I'm refusing to let myself feel selfish for being upset about it, and I'm managing...just.

((((((((((((((((((rio)))))))))))))))))))))

sending you safe gentle hugs. take care. thinking of you

love jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

(((((jinnyann))))) Thanks. I need to stop thinking about it, but I can't.