"Back to the future"

So, I was wondering if anyone else feels like with trauma, your life has been come totally off pass as in way it was "never supposed to go" and now you are stuck in this totally "wrong" parallel reality.

I watched the movie Back to the Future from the 80s a few days ago and
in some scene they draw a timeline with present, past and future
and then a sharp line downwards representing a cut with a crucial event that then leads to a different and changed reality in the future, that so comes of the path of the "real" timeline.

I got really excited when I saw that because I thought "this is exactly how I felt with trauma!!"

Like my life was this clean line of things that happened and how things were supposed to go, in the future, with me growing up, getting a good job and getting married with my parents still there at my side etc etc. having my family etc

And then when my father died, I feel like my life-time-line got a cut into a different reality where it never was supposed to go, and that caused a chain-reaction of a bunch of things that then led me to this "changed" reality where I was never supposed to end up at, that is "all wrong".

I actually found the perfect picture, here: http://keyholegame.com/wp-content/up...Chalkboard.png

This is how I used to feel, like something somewhere went terrible wrong that sent me into this other reality.

Now, I feel less strange about it, less freaked out, less unnormal, because i do know that these things "can" happen. However, I still sometimes more or less tend to feel this way. And I was wondering if this is how other people feel too?

Oh, yes, this is definitely how others feel, even if they don't develop PTSD. Over our Human History, the reason that religions of all kinds developed is so human beings can have explainations for all the things that can happen that can completely change the course of one's life.

The human mind develops a storage of setting up a subconscious file that we get comfortable with as we experience our lives. It is like having a house and just knowing where everything is, the light switches, how everything is furnished, the windows we can look out of, where the bathroom is etc. We can do a lot of things almost on automatic because we just get to know where everything is. You know, think about when you do need something and suddenly can't find it, the effort and even stress it takes in trying to locate this "thing" you suddenly need, it's somewhere, where could it be, where did I put it? Well, that experience of not knowing the location, is what happens in our brain when we don't have that "auto pilot" going on. That is what "trauma" does, but in a much bigger way. You know, one of the most stressful things "noted" is when someone "moves from one house to another". It is listed as one of the top stressors, because it does cause a person to have to go from one organized environment into another one and actually start all over and it's a challenge for a while until one slowly gets used to their new environment. That is where the term, "settling in" comes from.

You had a "change" take place in your life, a big one, so when these changes happen, settling in can become a much bigger challenge. Each person is different in how they finally "grieve" and then slowly settle down again and move forward in their life again.
Sleeping alone is a challenge too, after all, the brain doesn't always "just" know what to do with a major life change. That is where "therapy" can help, because in therapy, if the therapist is really in tune with how they need to actually "help" an individual work through this challenge, in time, the talking through how it has disrupted one's mind, can slowly help the patient find a way to accept the change, and move forward "in spite of it".

When anyone faces the loss of a family member or someone close that is big part of their subconscious/emotional world, it's definitely a huge adjustment. One is forced to think about "life" in a very different way.

Glad to hear you are doing better Alisha, patience is the key, understanding that you are only "human" is also important too, and that yes, often a big change can be somewhat of a lonely personal journey towards coming to terms with this big change too.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

yes, i relate to everything you said.