[mixtape28]

So since being released from the hospital,
(Backsory: If you look in the PTSD forum and scroll down to the thread "I need help...I almost ended it" you will get more perspective on this post), I've had to meet with an outpatient therapist/psychiatrist, I dunno. Next week I have to meet with another for some other reason.
I hate this. I hate having to talk about it over and over and over. The session was an hour and a half and by the end I was so exhausted I immediatley went to bed and was out for about 5 hours.
Side note: I was never able to sleep like this. I developed a sleeping pattern that would last only two to three hours, I would check my surroundings and then take about 45 minutes to fall back asleep. Minipress is the only thing that has helped me sleep through the night.
But I digress...I have been so depressed all day since the session. I've been on this apology campaign with all my friends for putting them through my suicide attempt and involving the in ways I shouldnt have and I'm not getting the responses I expected. Everyone seems angry and dissmissive now.
Talking about this stuff is just making it worse I feel...

[Open Eyes]

Hi mixtape, I am so sorry you were so low you were suicidal, I know that state of mind intimately myself. Yes, talking about a trauma/traumas can be very exhausting, yet while I do get exhausted, I do sleep too. I can relate to passing out too.

It "can" make it worse for a while, depending on what you are discussing. You need to mourn the trauma, and it takes a great deal of effort to put whatever is there into words too. However, it isn't "just" all about talking it out, it is also getting "input" too, as you need to feed "in" helpful information that you can find a way to put in some productive messages/language/ideas/knowledge where you can resolve whatever you are missing so you can finally have some personal forgiveness and closure too. Validations are also very important because with any trauma the brain is in a state of "I can't believe this happened". Self blame can become overwhelming, and challenging emotions too can become overwhelming.

Unfortunately, yes, many people "friends and family" can become very dismissive, angry, and invalidating. I had experienced that myself, and because I know first hand how bad I was and what would have helped instead, I get angry about the "lack of caring" that at the time I had really needed.

People can get dismissive and even angry when they don't "know" how to actually sit and comfort someone who is very emotionally challenged. A caring "hug" and taking one's hand and rubbing gently up and down an emotionally challenged individuals arm can provide some "very" calming oxytocin, that can be so calming it is like a magical healer. That is now why people get "dogs that are meant as therapy dogs". Petting an animal, a dog or cat or even a horse can be so healing for someone who struggles with PTSD, did you know that?

If I were to design my own PTSD healing place, I would have that kind of soothing comforting touching take place, I would also have animals around as well.

It sounds like you are in the first stage of the PTSD challenge, you need to be very patient with this stage, yes I is definitely challenging, but you can get past this stage and make some gains on your healing.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

[finding_my_way]

Sometimes talking about things while it can bring up more intense feelings/reactions, it can also bring about a way of processing things in a different way.

I didn't really talk for many years just because I was not able to and was really just a mess mentally. In recent years, there are times talking about my struggles, feelings, thoughts, fears, etc. and other things has made me feel a little better, especially when things I feel or experienced are validated. Then I am able to think about it a bit different. It definitely can take a while though and takes a lot of patience with yourself.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

[mixtape28]

Well I will find out again on tuesday. Im doubful I'll feel better but I'll give the process an honest shot. I cant keep self medicating the way I am. That **** aint working.