[sup_sarah]

Hm, well, so, I started playing soccer when I was around 4 or 5 years old? And it was my life, completely. I loved it and lived it. Well of course I got many injuries but I'd always get back after a few weeks or so. Well I was just recovering from bruising a bone in my knee and I started playing again. Apparently my knee wasn't strong enough yet and I dsiclocated my knee cap really bad. When everyone was crowding around me on the field (while we waited for an ambulance) people told me how their daughter does that all the time and I'll be playing agian in a few weeks. Yeah, I've never played since. But it's just completely traumatized me like I can't let anybody touch my knees, like I just can't. I can't talk about or even think about it without bursting into tears. This happened 3 years ago now and it still won't stop. Like I've just been sitting here bawling my eyes out the entire time I've wrote this. Can anybody help? I'd really appreciate any advice. I just want to be able to be normal again.

[Rapunzel]

That really is a very signinficant loss to lose something that is such an important part of your life. You lose more than the sport or your health, etc. You lose the association with the people who were part of that part of that life. Even if you are still friends, it's probably not the same. I don't know how to make it better. I don't think that anyone can. But I just wanted you to know that how you are feeling makes sense, and I am sorry that you lost something that is important to you like that. I hope that your knee gets better too. You can talk about it here if you want to. Sometimes that is easier than talking IRL.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Rap

[sup_sarah]

Thanks for the support. It's nice knowing somebody out there cares.

[Rapunzel]

Yes, it is nice to be cared about. I do hope that things get better for you soon.

((((((( another hug )))))))))

TC,
Rap

[(JD)]

Please know there are many more who care here about you, but haven't posted. Can you tell us more about the injury, and what the doctors say is the reason for all the pain and inability to play again? I sure know about having a sudden end to good times! ((((hug)))

[sup_sarah]

The first doctor I went to said I'll never play sports again but my mom refused to believe that so a few weeks later we ended up going to a knee specialist. He told me the other doctor was ridiculous and that he already had me in the brace I was in way too long. It turns out I have a "bone deformity". The bone that holds my knee cap in place is too shallow and make it really easy to come out of place. Surgery was an option but nobody wanted me to go through with that. Every doctor I went to said the same thing "You can make it stronger but there's no guarntee it'll not pop out again". I rehabbed plenty but I knew it wasn't strong enough. I know how strong you need your legs to be and my good leg wasn't even strong enough to play again. Just all the stress and traumatizing things that I went through I just never ever wanted to have to go through that again. So now I just run cross country and track. I'm sure if I was mentally able to do it I could physically do it. But I'm really just way too terrified. Just after everything I went through I can't do it again. It pretty much just took my life right there, soccer was everything. I devoted myself completely to it and loved every second of it. I don't know, I just really need to get myself mentally altogether. So if anybody knows of any techniques or anything to do I'd be forever grateful.

sup_sarah,

Maybe you could become a coach for kids? Don't they have soccer teams for little ones these days?

It (for sure) wouldn't be the same, but it would still get you involved in something you love and you'd be helping others.

Just throwing out a thought.

Petunia