[SandyWeb]

My PTSD is not a common theme in my life anymore. I think that the more you distance yourself in time from the events, the less your mind is involved with the memories and concentrates more on getting you through the left-over anxiety "here and now" world. Then, out of the blue, something will trigger you.

It's been 13 years since I left my hubby. We were married for 12 years. I just recently have been posting to him on Messenger simply because our daughter was having a surgery and I wanted him to know plus I hoped he would help me financially. Just the act of IM'ing him maybe once a week, and getting money orders in the mail from him in his own handwriting, sent me spiralling back to the abuse I lived with. I kept thinking about him, dreaming about him, remembering things I had totally forgotten, and freaking that he would show up (although the kids and I live 5,000 miles from him). I get paranoid that he'll show up at my door because he is being so nice in his messages and even saying that he loves me, and I *know* he is lonely because all his friends (even his family) rejected him after the kids and I left. No one had any idea what he had been doing. I'll be relieved when our communication will end, but I truly appreciate the money he is sending. I never asked for child support and he never offered, so I'm grateful that he is being so giving to a daughter he can't hardly even remember. And when he disappears (which he does from time to time), that just totally freaks me out. Where is he? Is he on his way here? He'd probably kill himself and me if he didn't get what he wanted. But once our conversations end and my daughter is fully recovered, I won't have a reason to keep in touch with him....and slowly he will become background noise once again.

I just recently had another trigger that caused the same thing: memories, feelings, dreams, images before me, crying a lot, the traumatic events in the forefront of my mind. I keep a couple little "momentos" on my dresser from an event that I was involved in back in 1998. I don't really think of them, but I will glance at them from time to time as I pass by and know that my life hasn't been a complete waste....that I did something GOOD and I learned a heck of a lot about humanity. But then someone was in my bedroom and was asking about one of the particular "momentos" (because it's an RCMP photo ID of me), and I had to explain what I had been a part of. And that did it. It threw me right back into those months, and I got mad that someone had so innocently disturbed my mind again. Those were in my bedroom for my eyes only, and they were never meant to be talked about, especially with a virtual stranger. But it happened. That was in February, and I still have a little trouble getting in behind me again, but I'm much better. It's been overshadowed by my present situation with my hubby! Lol.

Anyways, no point in this posting. Just wanted to say that YEARS can go by and whatever caused your PTSD can be far from your current thoughts.....and then, BHAM! You're right back there. It seems unreal, after so many years, that your brain can remember so much still. And all we can do is just ride it out, talk if you need to or bury it deep, and continue on as best you can until life takes your mind in other directions and you're safe again.

God bless,
Sandy

[(JD)]

(((hugs))) No, PTSD doesn't "go away" on it's own. I'm glad you were able to put it in the box on the shelf for so long! Here's hoping you can put it away again, for a better time to review it.

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Sandy,

My ptsd resurfaced after about 35 years! Current life circumstance created triggers and i am now faced with dealing with stuff that I thought was ancient history.

I wish you well on your journey. It is YOUR journey.

Be good to yourself.