Triggers

I really need some help and some encouragement (and I'm not sure how to ask either).

I've had a really really bad week...crippling anxiety and obsessing about 'what ifs' and replaying alot of tapes in my mind. When I really thought about it I realized it was a death that triggered it.

I've an online friend whose husband died unexpectedly on Sunday, Mother's Day - massive heart attack. She found him and I keep thinking of that.

Then a local (IRL) girlfriend's mother died early Thursday morning (this one expected), and one more local friend is at her mother's side waiting for her death any day now (expected).

But I've been also obsessing about deaths in my life...obsessing about the what ifs, what if my husband would die, and I thought about my nephew who died in 2000 at 12 yrs of age in the trunk of a rental car (and so I've been hypervigelant this week, trying to listen better, if SIL had listened more carefully would she have heard her son calling for her help?

...and my MIL's massive stroke a couple weeks later and her death soon after...I still can picture her face...

and I thought about my husband's youngest brother who died three years ago of cancer at 41...we were at his bedside and walked through the ordeal the years he was fighting it,

and I think an awful lot about my real parents, who died when I was ten, I keep obsessing about what their last moments were like...they were in a small airplane and surely knew for a few seconds something terrible was about to happen...

Can anyone help me diffuse these triggers or offer suggestions that I can handle to help me cope when death occurs?

I have only really experienced one death that seems to trigger on the anniversary date of that death...I don't have the words right now - just wanted to let you know that I read your post and feel for you...

I see you are fairly new - so welcome to PC - there will most likely be someone who has a closer experience then I do that can give you some suggestions.

Are you talking to someone professionally about this? (I haven't read any of your posts to see if you already answered this)

Direction,
thanks for posting. I feel cared for having you read my post and answering.

yes, I'm new here and trying to figure out how I can fit in here, I'm really introverted, trying to learn the group stuff, so many seem to know each other.

talking to someone? yes and no. I saw a therapist five times, she's the one who diagnosed me iwth OCD (makes sense but hadn't thought of that before), and then I got a resignation letter. I have four more weeks to wait to see a new therapist to start ALL over (not mad, am angry).

I started on meds in Feb or so, but they aren't helping much.

Hello Gabby.
I am glad to hear that you are going to start seeing a new therapist in a few weeks, it helps to have support for your OCD. If you have any questions regarding medication that may be more helpful you can PM Psisci (Dr Wylie) here at Psych Central for a recommendation on what can help you until you can see your therapist for a medication change. Take care of yourself ((GABBY)). Soidhonia

Starting all over again - I recently changed from a pdoc who also did therapy to a therapist and a separate pdoc.

For the therapist - I wrote a fairly extensive background of major events that happened in my life and emailed it to him. You may want to start writting some of it now. I saved it in case I ever find that I need to change or need to explain it to someone else. It got us up to speed in a very short period of time

Don't worry about being new and not knowing any one - just post a thread or reply when you want to ... as you do I think you will feel less as an outsider. I generally hang out in the Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, SI, Personality, and Relationship forums. As you read you will probably feel drawn to certain forums that work for you.

Talk to your therapist about the meds - a lot of them take a while to work and others it takes awhile to find the correct dosage...

Post again!

Soidhonia,
thank you for the info. I started a thread on the 'drug question' and keep compulsively checking for answers LOL
then I PMed Psisci...it feels like I'm sending an email to an abyse...

Direction,
great idea, I think I'll start that today, after I call the therapist's office to ask if I can send it ahead of time or what delivery venue. I hope I can stop feeling as an outsider! Most of my relationships feel like this: 'I'm in their lives but they aren't in mine'.