[Ad Intra]

It's like my senses are numb and the world is fuzzy. I feel like I'm miles away from the world. When things become real I feel so, so much. A ton of sadness, anger, and anxiety.
Today I almost had a melt down at dinner. I was blazing with anger.
I can't do this anymore.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

It's like my senses are numb and the world is fuzzy. I feel like I'm miles away from the world. When things become real I feel so, so much. A ton of sadness, anger, and anxiety.
Today I almost had a melt down at dinner. I was blazing with anger.
I can't do this anymore.

I don't know what to do about it either. I'll be sitting with a friend having coffee and yet be miles away from the conversation stuck in the trauma and thinking about everything related to it or some aspect of it. Sometimes I end up tearing up and have to hide it quick, or even have to excuse myself to the bathroom (this happened during a break at class), then try and get it together, clean myself up, and numb it out somehow. It is out of context for the situation because I'm not totally there in the situation. Plus sometimes (this has not been so bad as of late), I'll totally miss a lot of what the other person said and it sucks having to ask a person all the time what they were just saying. I so not get the anger so most, mostly sadness. Last night out with a friend I had laughter totally out of context because I was thinking of a happy memory and it was hilarious for some reason. But I think my friend was talking about something totally serious and seemed really confused about me laughing but she laughed too. Totally lightened the whole mood of the thing, but still - was not really there so much....Guess what I'm saying is you are not alone and I understand a little. Not sure what to do about it though...

And also, trying to focus and read is atrocious for me! i'll read a word that will remind me of some aspect of the past trauma thing and then go off into a different space for who knows how long and it takes forever to read whatever it is I'm trying to! Do you have trouble with that as well?

[Mrs. Mania]

Angelicgoldfish05-
I also go miles away during a conversation missing most of what the other person says. I have this technique to deal with old people at work where I repeat the last few words I heard while mimicking the mood the person is showing. (Worry, sadness, etc) Works awesome, lately I've been applying it to personal conversations. Usually the next thing they say jogs me back into it. UGH, better than the constant request for a repeat. I think?

[Shaly78]

Do this with me, take one big gulp regular one then swallow. Works for me everything. Just because it is so, so much doesn't mean it has to be outlet . Why do you think it should be expressed? NO, really I want to hear the answer on why. Maybe someone else handles it in the moments for you, right? Okay, that's me. There is nothing wrong with being numb. Are you going around making other feel bad for their lack of numbness? I keep getting my story out but I just want this numbness or what it is? Why is it even necessary to express no numbness? It is a power struggle that I hope people can be delivered from its scary weird God knows uncalled for only makes one person suffer. It can cause a person their live all cause you felt you had this mutual respect u took it too far. Now my life is messed up. My kids hate me for it now, you happy? I'm going to defer then to you the process I will make sure they never trust a soul all cause of what happened to mommie. How is that ministry and help it isn't. Go away....These type of people or no better than offenders if you ask me.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by newday7121

Do this with me, take one big gulp regular one then swallow. Works for me everything. Just because it is so, so much doesn't mean it has to be outlet . Why do you think it should be expressed? NO, really I want to hear the answer on why. Maybe someone else handles it in the moments for you, right? Okay, that's me. There is nothing wrong with being numb. Are you going around making other feel bad for their lack of numbness? I keep getting my story out but I just want this numbness or what it is? Why is it even necessary to express no numbness? It is a power struggle that I hope people can be delivered from its scary weird God knows uncalled for only makes one person suffer. It can cause a person their live all cause you felt you had this mutual respect u took it too far. Now my life is messed up. My kids hate me for it now, you happy? I'm going to defer then to you the process I will make sure they never trust a soul all cause of what happened to mommie. How is that ministry and help it isn't. Go away....These type of people or no better than offenders if you ask me.

I'm confused. Are you talking to the OP?