My past of abuse has affected me in more ways than I could have ever expected...

Since a very young age, I was physically and verbally abused by boys/men that I began to have relationships with. Since then, I am very scared to show my true self..when I do, I have only been torn down by the horrible things they stuck in my head. My most recent relationship ended pretty badly, just like the rest. They all seem to end because I can't express myself properly or when I do, the person tells me that I'm not the type of women they want...I have always told myself that I will never be good enough for anybody and this is why all of my relationships have failed miserably...but in reality, the problem was I wasn't finding a guy good enough for ME. I do not just say this to say that I'm better than everyone else, I say this because I know it is the truth. The boys/men that I tried to hold on to and make happy all were abusive, liars, manipulative, and insecure. I guess there's something that draws me to broken people like this because I am broken myself(we all are, just some more than others) and my maternal instincts come in and I want to nurture and love them..I am a loyal, loving, compassionate, intelligent, committed young woman with many great traits and a beautiful soul. I just have not found the other soul that will appreciate me completely..I hope that I can help others that feel like they will never be good enough or with a past of hurt..it's not you. It's the wrong people that you attract. I am proud of what I have gone through because I am a warrior. I hope you are proud of yourself too.

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Often girls unknowingly learn what to accept in what they observe in how their father interacts with their mother. So something dysfunctional can seem normal when it is not. The same can be true for either a boy or a girl as often boys can think a dysfunctional behavior pattern their father may be expressing with their mother is "normal" and acceptable. Unfortunately that is often how dysfunctional relationships can become handed down from one generation to the next. Often an individual is what they know how to be.

It can get pretty complex.

I agree completely...I grew up without a father..and my last boyfriend had an unemotional dad that taught him to do the same. I just find it so tragic.

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Well, sometimes the "unemotional" can be inherited genetically too.

You did not have a father, did your mother have other relationships that you observed?

That is a possibility..I was raised by my Grandmother. I never really had an example of how a man should treat a woman. I just know that it is not how I have been treated.

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My friends always tell me I pick the wrong men, that they're not good enough for me. I also am attracted to broken men. My friends and family say that I'm settling for people who can't love me completely because I don't feel like I deserve any better. Now I'm 34 and I feel like all the good ones are taken.