[TA4645]

I'm new here, I'm 33 and my wife pushed me into this because our relationship is in the gutter and I struggle to even find anything positive anymore.
I live in rural Canada, where the local doctors can barely spell PTSD let alone recognize it.
I am ex-British Army, Infantry. I served 7 years and 2 tours of duty in Afghanistan (2008 & 2010).
My wife tells me I changed after the last one, and I agree, I don't think anyone could go through that and not change. It's only recently my whole life feels like it's falling apart, and I'm struggling to find a reason to care. I don't know what I need from my wife, and I feel emotionally numb.
I guess I'm just looking for someone who can relate.

Thanks

T

[Skeezyks]

Hello TA4645: Welcome to PC! I'd like to suggest that your wife has pushed you in the right direction! PC is a great place to find support as well as information regarding mental health concerns. I can't say that I have any experience that would be relevant to what you have experienced. However, I can certainly understand what you wrote about the levels of services that are available in your rural area. Although I now live in a large metropolitan area, I lived much of my young life in rural areas. And I recall what it was like. I do think that finding some one person, or group of people, who can relate to your experiences would be important. As long as your only option is to keep rolling this stuff around in your own mind, it's unlikely to get resolved.

One particular Forum, here on PC, you might consider posting in is the Men Focused Support Forum: forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support It may be that, in this forum, you will be able to find some other young men who have had, or are struggling with, similar experiences. My best wishes to you.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you are struggling, it's very confusing and tends to be hard on a relationship too. So you have been out of the service for 5 years now? Have you had any help since then to assimilate back into civilian life? What you have discribed is something that does challenge a lot of Vets that saw action and did tours as you have discribed. Especially Army because you were in combat correct?

For a man who gets involved with a combat unit, that relationship that takes place forms a deep relationship for a man that is not something that takes place in civilian life. It is this very deep connection that is missed and leaves a void, is also very hard for a vet to articulate. These men connect not only mentally, but physically as they have to in order to survive as a unit. The mind that develops in combat uses a very different part of the brain, and tends to run on a very unique adrenelin/hyper aware that involves activating senses that are nowhere to be found in civilian life. Part of the reason a vet begins to feel more himself in that environment and offers to do more tours even, is because he has gotten used to all that this kind of intense relationship entails. That is not something your wife can give you, or even understand, oh if only right?

What "can" help is if you could be around other men that understand this challenge and have made progress on managing it better, it can be that connect that your wife or another civilian cannot provide.

I can imagine it must be very hard to figure out how to reconnect to functioning on a level of suddenly being in a situation where none of the skills you learned and learned so deeply on a subconscious level are no longer required. It's not that much different for a person who spent their life in a work routine and retires and suddenly is at a loss of what to do with himself. That is a very real challenge and while the last tour showed more of a change, truth is you had been going though that change for a long time. Think about it, and you will realize I am right.

If you don't mind my asking, "what to you want"? Is there something you say to yourself that you don't share with others because you feel these others wont understand?

[WibblyWobbly]

I would recommend looking for an inpatient PTSD program and staying for as long as you can. It's a good way to get some condensed treatment and reach through that numbness. Of course, you'll want to have some kind of backup plan for when the feelings start coming out. Do you know anyone who lives in a more accessible area that you could stay with a few days a week during treatment?

[sammo777]

you need to speak to somebody at SAAFA

they're a welfare charity for Brits who've been in service. They're all good eggs, and know the score. They have a website, too. Costs nothing to dash off an email. I don't know how it'll work with you being in Canada, but I do know they try to hook lads up with support where they can.

hope that helps, in some way