[rep97]

So I think I am in a dissociative state 24/7. Because I don't have a connection with my body. Also if rarely I am happy and find connection with my body and gut.. then if something scares me, it sends me losing myself again.

Now this is painful because I am in my mind 24/7 and whatever scary thing my mind says I can't refute it or identify with my body and gut and say no.

My trauma is very complicated and I am in the process of getting therapy. Basically what happened was that my parents took me to a mental institution and put me on involuntary treatment. I felt scared and cornered and decided I would shock them so they leave me alone. So in psychiatrist's office in front of my psychiatrist(male), my case worker(male) and my father I talked about a strange sexual incident in graphic detail and explicit language... I thought it would inflict harm on them, but being a person who comes from a religious background but who is not religious, it instead traumatized me and now I have flashbacks where I get embarassed and ashamed like when I talked about the incident in psychiatrist's office.

And that is why I am in a continuous dissociative state. I should also mention that when I take a lot of sleeping pills and it makes me dizzy I feel a connection with my body and gut for an hour or so but when the effects of the sleeping pills wear off.. again I lose myself and no connection to body and gut.

Can anyone relate to this? And how can I recover from this and does anyone has any suggestions for what to do in therapy when I start it?

[Quarter life]

Therapy can be very benificial rep97. However...it in important to be as transparent and honest as possible from the start. Also working out a few pre determined objectives will set the course for what you need/want from Therapy.

Be kind to yourself rep97

[Shaly78]

Be as thorough as possible, when you trust your treatment provider things will come out that will determine if your in a dissociative state 24/7, so please journal , research everything ,so that they can determine if it is a symptom or if you have one of the disorders. The only way to improve is talking about it saying the words, when you trust, no matter how it sounds coming out of your mouth or how you might feel that your treatment provider might view you, it is very therapeutic..