just the motion

I have gotten three hours of sleep in the past three days and those three hours was the night before last.

Yesterday, after an entire week of computer problems, i finally got it fixed and back online. My bedframe was delivered and two other things i got for my bedroom.

At 7am this morning i couldnt take it anymore. I was so exhausted, tired, drugged myself with advil and benedryl besides my meds just to try to sleep. Still couldnt sIeep so i went into my house and started putting together the bedframe, desk and chair. Then installed some door knobs and painted some trim. All the time doing these things, i only felt the constant need to continue the motions of getting back into the house. Not once did i smile, feel happy, or appreciate the fact that im going to have all this new stuff, new house, everything. I wish i could enjoy this and be happy about it. Except that i know its gonna happen again. and excitement over this fact stops me from any enjoyable feelings.

Im a wuss. I do know i cant live my life thinkin this way all the time. I just cant stop those thoughts. I think all the time, whats the use. Its only gonna be washed away again.

I need sleep.

Chalmette -

You're right you do need sleep. It's hard to think optimistically and feel good when you're sleep deprived.

Have you tried listening to a guided meditation in bed? I find that if I'm concentrating on the soothing voice of someone else, it helps clear my mind of the million thoughts running through my head at the same time and puts me right to sleep.

Tranquility

when things seem overwhelming, and one thing after another starts happening, then sometimes it helps to find something good about the day

I hope that tomorrow will be better for you.

((((((((chalm))))))))))))