Was sad last night, thinking back some- could trigger-

Butterfly_Faerie · May 28, 2004, 04:39 PM

I was so sad last night, I didn't know whether to post this here or in the depression thread. Here is good enough I guess.

I for some reason dug out all my journals etc looking up things about the rape, about "a" and about the others that have done something to me.

For some reason I kept trying to recall certain situations, remembering certain instances, but everything was so jumbled up.

(

I should be looking in the past, I don't want to get stuck there again. I don't know what got me thinking about that. I read some stuff in my journal that I don't remember happening. Not really with the abuse etc, but just something that I did that day. Usually when I read about stuff that I did I can usually recall them, my memory is so good with that. My psychiatrist said that since I can recall things so well and can picture them as they were occuring why I never started to write a book.

I don't even know why I'm writting this...

~Sundance~

"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."

Norman Vincent Peale

May 28, 2004, 06:35 PM

Why don't you write a book? I think that there needs to be more people like you and me who need to share our stories to help people understand what we are struggling with--there needn't be so much stigma attached to depression and other disorders that we face. I say disorders, but it's just normal life for me.
I'm grateful that you find this a place safe enough to share with us how you're doing.
Blessings,
Jon

(JD) · May 28, 2004, 09:01 PM

gee I sure hear what you're saying... I just canNOT go back through my journals... it's tough enough to write things the first time. I become sooooo much more depressed when I try. T says no reason to at this point... well, after 17+ years I think there never will be a Point.

Once, when I had a "recovery" from depression, I wrote an article for a nationwide Christian magazine... but the "recovery" was not real, and by the time they wanted me to explain more, and get through the editing process, I was too deep in dark depression again to bother. Makes me wonder...

hope you make the right decision.

 meditation is a true way to connect to the Source

Rapunzel · May 29, 2004, 01:36 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{{Sundance}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm glad that you told us about being sad. You give so much to others here, encouraging them and sharing the things you have learned that might help. You deserve to get some support when you need it too.

Your writing skills are good. With a memory like you have too, why don't you write a book? I think that's a good idea.

"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."

Butterfly_Faerie · May 29, 2004, 10:57 AM

I don't know how to go about writting a book... I've written almost like a short story on my 'daydreams' that I use to get all the time, it was always the same scenerio and very triggering. I printed it out and put it in a binder, and I still have it.

It is hard to look back on things i've written about past issues. I don't even know why I go back there once in awhile. Maybe it's to get an understanding? But why do I do that when i'm feeling like garbage? What leads me to doing that time and time again when i'm at my low point?

I don't have a clue. Was sad last night, thinking back some- could trigger-

Was sad last night, thinking back some- could trigger-

((((everyone))))

~Sundance~

"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."

Norman Vincent Peale

troubled1 · May 30, 2004, 11:36 PM

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SUNDANCE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I have started a journal of the things I need to come face to face with in my past and trust me sleep is very little at the moment....
I know you are not sure why you are looking into the old journals but sometimes we do that to remember why we are the way we are...... And why we are who we are.... Just remember you are strong and we love you!!!
You have helped me so much And I appreciate all you have done...troubled1

Butterfly_Faerie · May 31, 2004, 11:49 AM

((((troubled1))))

Thanks girl, you've known me for awhile, and I really appreciate the support that you've given me. I hope the journal works out for you, I know you are having a hard time right now, and know i'm always here for you.

I don't know why we look back on our low times, maybe that's just the way it is from time to time. I know I was always reading and looking back to get a better understanding with it, to grow stronger.

But i'm better now, it was only that night, I had a weird dream that night too, but it wasn't triggering at all, just weird.

*hugs* see you on msn.

~Sundance~

"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."

Norman Vincent Peale

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