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  #1  
Old May 30, 2016, 11:01 AM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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I really need support and hugs at this very moment. My PTSD event just happened and there is no end to it at this point, the traumatic event is still occurring out of my control with no clear end in sight.
This is such torture to my once bright soul, every second is so terrifying and painful. Please if anyone can reach out I would feel blessed. It seems I just can't distract myself anymore...thank you.
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1976kitchenfloor, 88Butterfly88, Ceara1010, eskielover, LucyD, Open Eyes, Out There, Smurfette77, Takeshi, ThisWayOut, unaluna, Yzen

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  #2  
Old May 30, 2016, 12:35 PM
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Yzen Yzen is offline
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You are safe.
  #3  
Old May 30, 2016, 12:38 PM
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Yzen Yzen is offline
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Do you listen to music? Music seems to help me. I hope you are doing ok.
Thanks for this!
cinnamonstick
  #4  
Old May 30, 2016, 12:40 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzen View Post
You are safe.
Thank you. I feel the farthest from safe I ever have in my life, but you reaffirming this for me is very meaningful.
  #5  
Old May 30, 2016, 12:42 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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Originally Posted by Yzen View Post
Do you listen to music? Music seems to help me. I hope you are doing ok.
I am not doing well, unfortunately.
I love music, I live and breathe and taught music, but right now, it will just make me cry...not a cathartic cry, but a very detached cry. I am so happy you mentioned that. Maybe I can find a song neutral enough to focus on, if anything just to breath to..Thank you for caring.
  #6  
Old May 30, 2016, 12:59 PM
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Yzen Yzen is offline
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Sometimes it is good to have an animation to watch and breath in and out to.
PTSD event just happened
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Ceara1010, cinnamonstick, Mondayschild, Out There, phoenix7, Takeshi
  #7  
Old May 30, 2016, 01:01 PM
Anonymous37842
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Sorry you're struggling ...

Are you caught up in a flashback?

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  #8  
Old May 30, 2016, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Pfrog View Post
Sorry you're struggling ...

Are you caught up in a flashback?

Not a flashback, I am caught in the event still going on with no sign of resolution.
That is what is so terrifying. You know, my friends are being supportive, but they really don't know what to say. That is why I am hoping we can work together. I am really very supportive, and would love to make you smile.
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eskielover, Out There
  #9  
Old May 30, 2016, 05:05 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzen View Post
Sometimes it is good to have an animation to watch and breath in and out to.
PTSD event just happened
brilliant idea, thank you so much. it evokes positive feelings.
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #10  
Old May 30, 2016, 05:51 PM
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Yzen, the animation is very mesmerizing. Thank you so much for being here.
  #11  
Old May 30, 2016, 06:45 PM
dwr3 dwr3 is offline
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Can you tell us exactly what's happening?

I'm sorry for what's happening to you, it must be very painful. But remember that you're strong and can endure that. Try to stay as calm as possible.

Lately I've been in a situation that brought my trauma back, it was like the worst nightmare coming true. I won't say "I know how you feel" because everyone is different, but I can assure you it's possible to overcome this. Take care!
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  #12  
Old May 30, 2016, 09:23 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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I wish I could explain, but briefly- I have been falsely accused of something horrendous. My life has stopped.
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eskielover, newday2020, Out There
  #13  
Old May 31, 2016, 01:37 AM
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Goodness! ... You are caught up in things beyond your control ... And, you are definitely going to endure trauma on a daily basis until it's over!

In the meantime, get a good lawyer to help you fight this, and continue to post here if it helps you to process what's going on and helps to keep you centered and grounded while all this is going on.

Also, if you can, it might help to also see a professional counselor that specializes in trauma while you're caught up in all this ... That just might help reduce the severity of the PTSD as all this plays out.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

  #14  
Old May 31, 2016, 01:06 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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Thank you Pfrog! I have all of the players in place. I did that right away. I had to have someone with me 24 hours a day for a month, because I was so scared and traumatized. It is cathartic to post here and interact. You get sayings like "stay strong" etc. although well intentioned it's not much help. People don't realize the deep dark cavern in your soul...
Thank you for responding.
How are you doing today?
  #15  
Old Jun 01, 2016, 12:28 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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I hope what ever is happening ends positively and that it ends as soon as possible - I listen to relaxation recordings on the net - keep busy - play games on my phone watch tv - anything to drown out the worries going around and around in my head - this is how I deal with it - get outside if you can in the fresh air - there is a tendency to isolate when we are overwhelmed - I know I do - sleep as and when you can - don't pressure yourself to sleep from this hour to that hour that just makes it more stressful and less likely you can sleep

know that you are among friends here and this is a safe place

sending many hugs and as much positive energy as I can muster

keep talking - keep reaching out - take good care of you

P7
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
PTSD event just happened
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
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Thanks for this!
cinnamonstick
  #16  
Old Jun 01, 2016, 01:55 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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Hugs and positive energy received. Thank you for your suggestions they are all valuable.
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LucyD
  #17  
Old Jun 02, 2016, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamonstick View Post
I really need support and hugs at this very moment. My PTSD event just happened and there is no end to it at this point, the traumatic event is still occurring out of my control with no clear end in sight.
This is such torture to my once bright soul, every second is so terrifying and painful. Please if anyone can reach out I would feel blessed. It seems I just can't distract myself anymore...thank you.
UPDATE: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the hugs and to everyone that has reached out. I really am taking in every word of wisdom from everyone. I am a giver too, so if you want some support just let me know.
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Out There
  #18  
Old Jun 02, 2016, 08:08 PM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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Keep your focus on yourself at this time. I went through a similar situation with a home care person who I caught abusing my mother when she was dying of cancer. To take the sight off of herself, she called the police accusing me of abusing my Mom. Nothing came from that. It was a nightmare & the scariest time of my life. Realized I had to protect my Mom & had no support around me, just people telling me that things like that don't happen to people like my Mom.

I so understand the feeling you are going through & that PTSD in process is the worst feeling of all. My pdoc wasn't much help at the time either. I am so glad that you do have supportive people around you & that you have your line up of legal help. It's difficult to stay strong through experiences like this, but it's possible. I experienced depersonalization after the trauma which farther scared me not understanding what was happening.......that was 11 years ago.....& I am mostly healed now over the last few years. It takes time & a lot of self care.....my heart goes out to what you are going through
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  #19  
Old Jun 02, 2016, 08:26 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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You are in my thoughts and prayers! It's a hard place that you describe and I truly pray Gods peace over you. If that's ok. (( soft hug )))

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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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Thanks for this!
eskielover
  #20  
Old Jun 03, 2016, 12:39 PM
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cinnamonstick cinnamonstick is offline
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Keep your focus on yourself at this time. I went through a similar situation with a home care person who I caught abusing my mother when she was dying of cancer. To take the sight off of herself, she called the police accusing me of abusing my Mom. Nothing came from that. It was a nightmare & the scariest time of my life. Realized I had to protect my Mom & had no support around me, just people telling me that things like that don't happen to people like my Mom.

I so understand the feeling you are going through & that PTSD in process is the worst feeling of all. My pdoc wasn't much help at the time either. I am so glad that you do have supportive people around you & that you have your line up of legal help. It's difficult to stay strong through experiences like this, but it's possible. I experienced depersonalization after the trauma which farther scared me not understanding what was happening.......that was 11 years ago.....& I am mostly healed now over the last few years. It takes time & a lot of self care.....my heart goes out to what you are going through
I'm so sorry about your experience! Have you gradually built up your trust of other people? I am relieved to hear you are mostly healed. Your strength and insight give me hope. Thank you for reaching out, and if there is anything I can offer you, I would love to!
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  #21  
Old Jun 03, 2016, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
You are in my thoughts and prayers! It's a hard place that you describe and I truly pray Gods peace over you. If that's ok. (( soft hug )))

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you! That is absolutely okay and amazing that you put me in your thoughts and prayers! I was wondering where God went, which I guess a lot of people do.
I am in a bit of a canyon, but for you I can still be a cheerleader if you ever need it. God Bless.
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"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." Vincent Van Gogh
  #22  
Old Jun 03, 2016, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by cinnamonstick View Post
Thank you! That is absolutely okay and amazing that you put me in your thoughts and prayers! I was wondering where God went, which I guess a lot of people do.

I am in a bit of a canyon, but for you I can still be a cheerleader if you ever need it. God Bless.


Thank you! I'll cheer you on too - anytime! PTSD event just happened

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #23  
Old Jun 06, 2016, 03:46 AM
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Originally Posted by cinnamonstick View Post
I'm so sorry about your experience! Have you gradually built up your trust of other people? I am relieved to hear you are mostly healed. Your strength and insight give me hope. Thank you for reaching out, and if there is anything I can offer you, I would love to!
It was impossible to build up trust when I continued living around the same people I was with during the trauma. My Mom died in January 2005. I couldn't even get back in the house for almost a year afterward with all the nightmares I was having it just made them worse. That stress also caused my anorexia to go off again & I was really sick for most of that year. One thing that kept me going was that my mare had just had a foal September 2004 just at the time everything hit but I spent so much time with her that year, it helped me some. The real help came after I sold my mom's house & I actually went 2100 miles away & bought a little 10 acre farm. I left my bad marriage of 33 years (which only added to the trauma because of his lack of support & inability to be there for me (long story).

I didn't know anyone in the town I moved to & the only family I have is my daughter who lives 1/2 way between where I lived before & where I live now....no other family. I have met the most wonderful people here. I am very involved in the horse community here & was invited to a wonderful Bible study & have formed amazing relationships through that. I also found a church I go to & they are my family. I had grown up with such dysfunctional parents who never emotionally connected with anyone & then married a H who was the same. I always wondered why I was fighting my environment & didn't understand until I left it completely what I had been struggling with in that part of my life. The trauma with my mother was the straw that broke the camel's back on my leaving & kicking my H out of my life.

I'm sort of thinking that I had trust, emotional connection & the ability to communicate inside of me all along, it just couldn't come out until I was free of the environment I had lived in for all the 54 years of my life. These 9 years have been totally growth for me to regain trust & to learn how to be a normal person. God has been a huge part of this. I wondered where God was also......I have learned that He is right here with me providing in ways that I never understood before. I struggle with money, but it is totally amazing how God has provided for my life & things work out that I never thought would.

Will keep you in my prayers also....sometimes it's these things that bring us closer to God through the difficulties & his provisions we can look back on when we get through it.

I also got into a wonderful psychology group & my psychologist encouraged me to get into the 2 year DBT group. That leader is awesome. after my first psychologist retired, I started seeing the group leader for my private psychologist. That helped give me a voice & words to express what I had been feeling & experiencing. Having a voice is also important in the healing process.

There is definitely hope...something I never believed in. I had struggled with major depression since loosing my computer engineering career way back in 1994 & realize now that my suicide attempts weren't just because of the loss of career but because I was trapped in the bad marriage. I didn't get it because of the dysfunction I had grown up with & he was a nice person so it was hard to understand the concept of abuse.....more like emotional neglect & financial abuse. I have come to understand what his problem is, but could never go back to living like that even with understanding.....I LOVE my alone life because I'm surrounded by wonderful, supportive & caring people outside of my little farm. Something I had never experienced before in my life. That has definitely helped me slowly trust people & be able to open up some about my own life too.
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Hugs from:
cinnamonstick, Out There
Thanks for this!
cinnamonstick, Out There, TrailRunner14
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