I have got to try even harder

I am getting 6 hours of sleep a night or less, which is like none. I know all the right things to do, so I'm going to have to be aggressive about doing them. Although I have prescriptions for sleep aids the one that works the best makes me drowsy the next day which is not an option most days. The only thing I can cut is screen time: no Facebook, psych central, healing from bpd newsletter , text messaging my boyfriend , Netflix after 8:30pm. Period. The only thing that is allowed is ASMR or meditation videos. My daughter may not be home. My boyfriend and I may be fighting. Doesn't matter. I have to embrace the loneliness of single motherhood with a teenager who may or may not come home from work or not either high or not on time. Those are the immutable facts of my life. Sleep habits are not an abstraction . They are a reality. I may have to go back on the seroquel and fight thru the drowsiness. After all that's what my nurse told me to do. For sleep. I'm feeling way too much sadness to have it hit me like a wall of water when I lay down to sleep. If I need to take the seroquel at night to turn off the emotions and be in bed for 9 hours so I have 30 min to fall asleep and thirty minutes to wake up, so be it. I need to start this. Tonight. Doesn't matter that I have to go to church tomorrow. This state of being is utterly unacceptable to me. So if I'm tired and dropping tears in church tomorrow so be it. It's no secret I have PTSD.

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I agree, you have to do what you have to do and be aggressive about it. Keep me updated, if you can. I'm only twenty and I probably could relate more with your daughter but I can also say that at this point in my life, I'm so happy I had my mom. She was hard on me sometimes but she was the only one who looked out for me at the end of the day. Your daughter will get there, too. Us kids are blind until reality hits us.

I've had mental health problems since I was 15 so I can relate to you as well. People do not know I'm her mom because I have been told by her friends I look like a teenager myself so believe me, things are not clear cut.

She's not the problem.

I am.

I told my bf what I had to do and already chose what I'm going to eat and drink in the morning to wake myself up, and what time I'm going to take my seroquel tonight as well as what oils I'm going to diffuse. All I have left to do is bake my cake tonight and pick out my clothes for tomorrow.

I've definitely got to put my emotions in the freezer until Tuesday afternoon.

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I have also found that sleep has to be my #1 priority. It's hard in the moment, but I did as you describe--set a list of deadlines & activities to create a schedule. I also started marking on a calendar every time I did the bedtime routine (turning screens off, taking my meds, etc.). Seeing stars on the calendar helped me track when I was taking care of my sleep needs (so if I missed a night, I could see all was not lost). It also made me feel good to see my progress.

It's not easy. Hang in there.

thank you so much!!! I have this calendar of cats of the greek islands that I have not used yet so I think that's what I'm going to use it for. My mom gave me a calendar of georgia okeefe art and I use that to keep track of my day time commitments, so I think this other calendar will work for this other purpose. I really appreciate the suggestion. Yes, I would call this my version of seizing the kingdom of heaven by force, if we call joy the kingdom of heaven, the only way I'm going to feel joy is as radical self care as I can possible muster. I am having a birthday on Tuesday so I think I'm working on setting my intention for the next year of my life. I have all these reminders on my phone: turn off electronic devices, take medication, however its easy to blow that stuff off, so basically I just need to sedate myself 9 hours before I need to wake up every darn night until my next np appointment. Geez. this stuff is serious. I have both forms of ptsd: ptsd and cptsd.

My mom wasn't perfect but that didn't make the things I did/said just. That's all I meant by that. I'm sorry if I upset you.

Not at all.

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How you doing leomamma?

Having the drowsiness side effect of seroquel. Coffee!

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Haha, that works.

I did start writing down the last two nights when I take my seroquel. I have been drowsy today. I may try melatonin tonight. This morning I had one cup of chai tea, and it wasn't enough. Yesterday day I had a mama chia energy drink which had 90mg of caffeine in it and that did the trick. 9 hours in bed does seem like a good idea as that is how long the sleep videos are on youtube. Thanks for checking up on me.

No problem, and good job at keeping at it and staying documented in different techniques. Keep it up.

Thank you, I'm still cleaning my apt in prep for annual inspection so I have to get up at dawn to finish up. I'm tired!

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Can't blame you. I don't know a whole lot about seroquel, other than it making you tired. When it comes to the melatonin, I would take it at night and not actually sleep for a good four hours after. When I did sleep I'd sleep alright but I'd wake up feeling hung over. It works different with everyone.
Does anything else work to help with the drowsiness you deal with during the day? I use to have my Effexor in the morning because it woke me up a bit; I was kind of on an antidepressant/anti-anxiety cocktail for a while. I don't know if you're taking any medication that has that sort of side-effect or not. If not, keep at it with the caffeine. I don't know much else that will wake you other than getting a low dose Adderall prescription.

I had 2 cups of chai, 1 cup of coffee and 1 cup of decaf green tea and I'm still awake. I'm having the took melatonin 3 hours ago and still awake thing going on although I've been lying in bed listening to quiet music.

I only take seroquel for sleep. I also have ambien, sonata and Gabapentin as well as valerian, tryptophan, taurine, and magnesium powder plus chamomile tea.

I take 300 mg of Lamictal a day, the dose is at the level because I also take oral contraceptives .

I'm anxious tonight because I have annual inspection in the morning, it's my birthday, and the complicated relationship I am in is disturbing my peace.

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Happy birthday! I'm sorry about the complicated relationship. Sounds like you deal with enough stress as is. Hopefully that inspection goes good, one less thing to worry about after today.
Try to have a good day today. Allow yourself to take a moment for yourself and do something that you enjoy.

Thank you so much, watching a great live feed on beating trauma while cleaning.

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I agree with this so much. I schedule everything around my sleep schedule. I will not stay out late on weekdays or do anythign past 9pm because I have to take my sleep meds at 9 so I will be asleep by 10. And that will give me enough time to fall asleep, sleep as long as I need to, and wake up by 730 the next morning.

Especially with our PTSD, our emotional reactions can get really hard to control on less sleep. I find that my flashbacks are worse, that triggers are more intense...it's just a bad combo.

I don't think anyone with PTSD or and MI in general would fault you, OP, for putting yourself and your sleep routine first. It is part of your recovery and staying healthy. Just as important as taking your meds, you know?

Good luck,
Seesaw

I took my sleep medication after 10pm last night and I feel bad this morning. I couldn't get out of bed so I drank a cup of chai tea which didn't help my lightheadedness. I did a 20 min intermediate yoga routine but I'm not feeling well. Plus I had a frittata for breakfast which was too high fat and too low in carbs for me so I just don't feel good. Thank you for asking. School starts this week and transitions are always stressful even if they're positive however as I said I got some sobering news about my daughter this weekend so I'm dealing with that plus my partner's bpd behavior this past week so I'm feeling very bad.

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