I was trying to explain the differences to a friend between their paranoia of sitting on a chair and my PTSD and SHAME came into the conversation. He tried to say his fear of a chair was shameful. I am not trying to belittle his fear of falling and granted it probably is embarassing. Still, it by no means I think is on the level of shame and PTSD,

How many of us readily admit to those people around us we suffer? How many of us have acknowledged our PTSD to family and loved ones? This must be hard enough for anyone but I think especially hard for those of us who are survivors of sexual assault and violence. I'm pretty sure many of us with PTSD suffer in silence.

I had a horrible trigger the other night and I'm still out of sorts today. When talking to my dad he knew something was wrong (all he knows is I have bipolar) but I had to lie to him as to what was wrong. For, how do I tell my father I have been the repeated victim of sexual assualt? How do I tell him it goes back to my very young childhood?

I have anxiety too and sure some of it is embarassing but the shame I feel about my PTSD is on a whole different level.

[snarkydaddy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I was trying to explain the differences to a friend between their paranoia of sitting on a chair and my PTSD and SHAME came into the conversation. He tried to say his fear of a chair was shameful. I am not trying to belittle his fear of falling and granted it probably is embarassing. Still, it by no means I think is on the level of shame and PTSD,

How many of us readily admit to those people around us we suffer? How many of us have acknowledged our PTSD to family and loved ones? This must be hard enough for anyone but I think especially hard for those of us who are survivors of sexual assault and violence. I'm pretty sure many of us with PTSD suffer in silence.

I had a horrible trigger the other night and I'm still out of sorts today. When talking to my dad he knew something was wrong (all he knows is I have bipolar) but I had to lie to him as to what was wrong. For, how do I tell my father I have been the repeated victim of sexual assualt? How do I tell him it goes back to my very young childhood?

I have anxiety too and sure some of it is embarassing but the shame I feel about my PTSD is on a whole different level.

Hi justafriend, I wrestled with that question about telling my father about being sexually abused for many decades. Like you I was abused as a child...I told him about PTSD, and of course that made him curious about why. I told him shorty after I was diagnosed but did not want upset him further now that he is in his 80's. Frankly he could not do anything about it so I never saw the point. Well about 2-3 weeks ago I told him, it kind of just leaped out of me... I guess I really wanted to tell him... In my case, it helped him understand why PTSD. I still do not know if it was a mistake or not. And I told him not to tell my mother as I think at her age and her health condition it would not be a good idea and he agreed.

I do not really have an answer for you as I wonder if that was really fair to put that on him.

[Open Eyes]

There definitely is "shame" in the struggle with PTSD. The feeling of "I should have more control over it, I should be better able to manage it better or just deal like I used to somehow be able to".

[Inthetrees]

I get what you mean.. But... We all experience things on a different level. We all have far more baggage from our own pasts then we can remember at any given time, but our subconscious minds do.. and that plays into fear and how we each handle it.

I would try not to judge someone on something like this... Who am I too? Walk a mile in anothers shoes before judging.. You know? Let people have their own feelings, there are worse things in the world.

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

There definitely is "shame" in the struggle with PTSD. The feeling of "I should have more control over it, I should be better able to manage it better or just deal like I used to somehow be able to".

Yes I think that a lot even though I was a ten year old. That's what I hated about flashbacks. I thought it showed I didn't have control over my own head.

[Unrigged64072835]

Shame for me comes from not being able to control the situation so I wouldn't get hurt. However, I've learned that it was wishful thinking. I now know that I'm not a bad person; I didn't cause the hurt. And even if I did I would have some compassion for myself. I've changed from that person long ago.

The shame is so difficult to deal with. I'm struggling with major flash backs, having stopped shaking and crying for 5 days. I feel shame for just exsisting. I feel I deserved what happened to me and I was chosen for the violence and assault because I deserved it on some level. I know "logically" my thinking on this matter is very flawed, but "emotionally" the shame is strangling me. I feel shame because I'm not strong enough to get over it, and feel it's my lack of character and weakness to blame. And like I said, logically I know it wasn't my fault, but emotionally I just can't get it straight. I've never even been able to talk about the bad stuff in therapy....I feel too judged, too inferior. I feel the therapist will "turn" on me and blame me in some way. It's been SOOO many years, and yet I can't get over this or move forward. I can't trust anyone and feel I will be violated again any second. I lock myself in my house for years, just waiting to die.

I wouldn't judge your friend. We all experience pain and emotions uniquely. Some people survive a massive car crash and just feel lucky to be alive....another person in the same wreck might be forever changed and not even be able to look at or hear a car without having a massive attack. It's all very individual. Suffering people don't need to be judged, they need love. Your friend is suffering in some way by the sounds of it.....i definately feel it best to offer compassion rather than criticism. Remember, it's not a compitition. Hugs to you.