I still live less than a mile from where the abuse happened. I have to take detours to avoid the abuser's old house to prevent flashbacks. I get frustrated because this place has so many bad memories. I really want to move, but sometimes I think it's pointless and I don't think anywhere else would be better.
Thoughts?

[leejosepho]

Whether the memories and such are/were positive, negative or mixed, I have always been variously drawn, affected or repulsed by some of the places I have lived or visited in days past. I would not want to live in the house where I grew up, for example, and even though I have positive memories of "the big tree" (nearby) where my brothers and I played as children...and I have occasionally visited there. Changing routes of travel has definitely been helpful at times, and there is a difference between leaving memories behind us and trying to bury them. So overall, I would see nothing wrong with putting some distance between oneself and a given location as a way to possibly help move along in life.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I think so, escape artist.

I want to bulldoze the place where my abuse happened, then break the tract apart and sell the resulting pieces.

[betweenarock]

Right. Its like if you could do that with the memories

[NeighborsTrigger]

I still live in the same apartment building where my abuse has (and to some point, is) happening. I would move but have limited income, no section 8 voucher (in U.S. it is a certificate to subsidize many other living situations other than government run housing), and now a bad reference. I feel stuck. I want to move, but only have one option, mental health supportive housing. This means there are staff to help you out much of the time, but it also is very restrictive to independent living. I have lived independently for over 25 years now, but, other than being homeless or staying where I am amongst the triggers, I feel I have little or no other choices.

[RavensPOE]

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I still live less than a mile from where the abuse happened. I have to take detours to avoid the abuser's old house to prevent flashbacks. I get frustrated because this place has so many bad memories. I really want to move, but sometimes I think it's pointless and I don't think anywhere else would be better.
Thoughts?

I grew up in an abusive household. It landed me back living with my parents in 2014 because I lost my career job due to the recession. Try as I might to get ahead--I couldn't. I'm a professor who graduated during the recession, and had been teaching adjunct for the past 2 years. I took the advice of my old Advisor in undergrad--and decided to go back and pick up a Master's degree. This time--I chose 6,000 miles away from home, across the pond: Israel.

My Rabbi had moved from New York to Israel about 9 years ago--so I had support coming. What I can testify to--is that no one can run away from their problems. However, after about 4-5 months here? I was able to clearly divide the depression and anxiety I had to tolerate every day living with my family/ residing with them in the same city vs the actual anxiety that wasn't THEM.

Moving will help you. Guess what? You won't have to take detours every day and drive around your horrible past. Because you won't be doing this anymore? You won't be triggered in that way anymore in the morning.
It will also allow you the opportunity to see (once that anxiety is no longer there on a daily basis)--how it was triggering you in a negative way each day.

It's worth a try isn't it?

Why give someone the power from your past--to make you feel like crap each day when they themselves? They don't care.

[Misssy2]

I don't know...I ask myself the same question...I own a house ...but it is no different..but also I have been out of the relationship for over 10 years now and I can honestly say with redecorating (nothing big..same rooms...)...but painted...made it REALLY my own...the memories have faded..

The only room that upsets me is my sons old room brings me back to the past quickly..but I haven't changed that room at all. I know you live in housing...but maybe if you came up with some paint ideas or something and shared your dilemma with a social worker and the powers that be the environment could be changed enough to ease your symptoms and make you feel more "empowered" about your situation?

[Maat]

I wish I could move away...

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm still in the same house although the last abuser is gone for a few years. My husband has done a lot with the house, but I still feel numb in it. Unfortunately, we don't have the money for repairs so we can put it on the market, and now we're housing my daughter's boyfriend. We're waiting for them to graduate college and move out. I just deal with things day by day, or even moment by moment.

[ThisWayOut]

Physical location can have an enormous impact. While you can't run away from yourself and your past, it can afford a measure of safety and emotional distance.

For me, moving back home was a double-edged sword. It brought the ptsd on full force. I lived in flashbacks 24/7. It also allowed me access to stuff I had forgotten. While it sucked, it gave me the opportunity to work on the buried stuff and start to heal from it.

Moving away again helped lessen the flashbacks' intensity and frequency. While I still struggle with the past, it's now easier to remember as the past. Flashbacks come frequently, but they are not constantly present. They are also abit easier to ground from...

If you can reasonably make it happen, it might bring some measure of relief. Things to consider however: it's costly; it's a Hassel; it might take a huge move to really lessen symptoms and that's not always easy...

Personally, I think it was one of the best things for me, but I did move 1500 miles away.