Self help with emdr. Any advice please?

Im starting to sink more and more into a depression from nightmares and flashbacks of childhood trauma. I am completely alone with nothijg to turn to. I feel worthless, lonely, and miserable. I want to help my self desensitize myself from all of the memories and emotions i am feeling. Therefore i want to do some self administered EMDR. Ive seen many youtube videos on it but have no idea what to do with it. For example, when following the object on the screen am i supposed to also focus on the trauma or am i supposed to recall the trauma afterward? Please give me some guidance, i cannot afford a therapist so do not direct me to that. Please help me desensitize myself, im becoming more and more depressed and drained. :,(

I would think you would focus on an emotional part of the trauma but the video should explain that. Have you looked into online therapy? That's cheaper. Talkspace.com and 7cups of Tea, there's more you just have to Google them

https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PLk...&v=H8e4sATalz8 I hope you might find this helpful as a gentle experience. EMDR is multi phased ( I have EMDR ) but you really need to work with a trained therapist. I do find some of the videos helpful but really for later as EMDR can bring up things that need the grounding and safe place which a therapist can work with you on. I'm sorry you're struggling and hope you might feel some relief from the video although it's not EMDR.