How can I help my friend survive spousal abuse when her situation triggers my PTSD?

Hi. I'm a member of the Bipolar forum and a survivor of abuse. I'm ok now and someone else needs my help. The trouble is that sometimes her situation is so much like what I went through that my PTSD is triggered. I spent 26 years in an abusive marriage, and got out. But since I had no one to help me in 1981, and no therapy for what I was going through, in 2009, 10 years after my divorce, I married another abuser. I had no clue what red flags were because after 26 years of marriage, I thought that kind of behaviour was normal. I was so very ignorant then. I knew nothing. That lasted 9 months before I got out and was able to receive intensive therapy. So I'm ok now. My friend has been in her relationship 7 years. She's only 33 years old. I do not want her to end up like I did in 2009: 59 years old and totally broken. I want to help her avoid any more years of abuse. I want her to be smarter than me and help her stay away from abusers. How can I overcome my PTSD so I can help her better?
P.S. I'm also posting this in the forum for Survivors of Abuse.

I confused dates on my post. The first time I went to a shelter for abused woman in 1981. I received no counselling in 1981. I left him for the 5th and final time in 1999, when I got a divorce. So 10 years after my divorce, I married another abuser

Hi Phoenix.

I totally get where you are coming from in regards to wanting to help your friend. There are certainly ways to put her on the right path, whilst remaining detached....Be there for her when she needs to vent and give advice when its needed. But the need for you to self protect is very real, as you have been to hell & back yourself.

It sounds like you are good friends...however telling her what to do can often backfire, as you may be held accountable down the track. Perhaps guiding her in her decision making is the best way to go...and be sure to explain to her that in some areas you need to remain aloof so as to self protect, as she is in a similar situation I am sure she will understand.

I wish you both all the best moving forward.

Thank you! 😊

Sounds like u feel a real need to support her so maybe go to a support group with her? and it may help you too in the long run. At least this way she has others she can vent with, so not to put you at risk.