[White Witch]

My husband is dealing with several issues and I'm not sure if I am posting.

It's been awhile since getting back onto this site as I it has been busy the past week or so. I'm the primary caregiver for my husband. He has been diagnosed with anxiety, general anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, and bipolar II disorder in 2010. As of this year, we'll have been married 23 years, and wasn't diagnosed until then due to lack of money and insurance. So obviously, these disorders were left untreated since he turned 18, and was kicked off his mother's insurance.
Once we finally were on insurance, because we are low income, the competition for resources in a big city ( we live in Seattle), getting the care he needs has been difficult. The help has been limited and the places that we went for professional help are stretched thinly.We even were able to apply and get him on ssi, but due to technicalities, he was qualified as disabled, but not any financial assistance.
Also, he had a therapist who either through a big workload, or inexperience, or other reasons, drop the ball on him. This was clearly evident after the last suicide attempt that he had back in October of 2015. This was the last time he ever saw his therapist. He felt like he was failed by the system back in high school and now again recently. Too many "nurse Ratchets" and the cold shuffling of patients was what he feels. The idea of going to see one, is a trigger now. His last therapist wanted him to go to a place here in Seattle, Harborview, but that was a reminder of a traumatic experience he had in a hospital he attended while in high school. So he stopped seeing her.
Add to the stress, Seattle is going through a major gentrification overhaul, which means we're getting priced out of here and need to relocate. Being here, in a city of 4+ million people, has made things worse. In the almost seven years we've lived here, he has had multiple mental and emotional meltdowns, the PTSD and panic attacks are escalating, and has had at least two suicide attempts. He hasn't had any of these symptoms to this extreme until we moved here to Seattle.
In the 20+ years we've been been married, we've tried just about everything. Her been researching on YouTube, studying Buddhist meditation, weaned himself off of medication that was negatively affecting him, changing his diet, trying to get out for walks. Although the neighborhood we're in is getting so congested, getting out for walks are starting to have a negative impact on him.
I'm at a loss, he's having suicidal ideation and losing the will to live, especially after battling this for so many years and feeling as though he has nothing to show for it. I can't call for help because he has PTSD with therapists, officers, and the system in general. He's had such bad experiences with the system that is supposed to help, that he can't get the help. Add to the fact we're in a city that is too big for us.

It's been awhile since getting back onto this site as I it has been busy the past week or so. I'm the primary caregiver for my husband. He has been diagnosed with anxiety, general anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, and bipolar II disorder in 2010. As of this year, we'll have been married 23 years, and wasn't diagnosed until then due to lack of money and insurance. So obviously, these disorders were left untreated since he turned 18, and was kicked off his mother's insurance.
Once we finally were on insurance, because we are low income, the competition for resources in a big city ( we live in Seattle), getting the care he needs has been difficult. The help has been limited and the places that we went for professional help are stretched thinly.We even were able to apply and get him on ssi, but due to technicalities, he was qualified as disabled, but not any financial assistance.
Also, he had a therapist who either through a big workload, or inexperience, or other reasons, drop the ball on him. This was clearly evident after the last suicide attempt that he had back in October of 2015. This was the last time he ever saw his therapist. He felt like he was failed by the system back in high school and now again recently. Too many "nurse Ratchets" and the cold shuffling of patients was what he feels. The idea of going to see one, is a trigger now. His last therapist wanted him to go to a place here in Seattle, Harborview, but that was a reminder of a traumatic experience he had in a hospital he attended while in high school. So he stopped seeing her.
Add to the stress, Seattle is going through a major gentrification overhaul, which means we're getting priced out of here and need to relocate. Being here, in a city of 4+ million people, has made things worse. In the almost seven years we've lived here, he has had multiple mental and emotional meltdowns, the PTSD and panic attacks are escalating, and has had at least two suicide attempts. He hasn't had any of these symptoms to this extreme until we moved here to Seattle.
In the 20+ years we've been been married, we've tried just about everything. Her been researching on YouTube, studying Buddhist meditation, weaned himself off of medication that was negatively affecting him, changing his diet, trying to get out for walks. Although the neighborhood we're in is getting so congested, getting out for walks are starting to have a negative impact on him.
I'm at a loss, he's having suicidal ideation and losing the will to live, especially after battling this for so many years and feeling as though he has nothing to show for it. I can't call for help because he has PTSD with therapists, officers, and the system in general. He's had such bad experiences with the system that is supposed to help, that he can't get the help. Add to the fact we're in a city that is too big for us.

[Skeezyks]

Hello White Witch: Gee... your hubby sounds a lot like me... except that I'll bet I'm a couple of years older. I too have pretty-much given up on the mental health system where I live. I've been on various med's in the past. They really weren't of any help at all. I've seen a few different therapists for short periods. They ranged from mediocre to dreadful! I've been involuntarily hospitalized following 2 major suicide attempts. And I have a history of self harm.

I also have an interest in Buddhism... in particular the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. (I also have a YouTube channel although at this point I primarily use it as a place to access music videos I enjoy listening to... often while I'm here on PC replying to other member's threads.) My wife & I have a dog we walk a couple of times daily... weather permitting or not!

I don't know what to tell you about your husband's situation although I certainly understand what he is experiencing. I've been there myself. And, unfortunately, I seem to go back there periodically. The thing that seems to be of the most help to me at the moment is that I do about an hour-&-a-half to two hours of mindfulness yoga every day. I don't know if your hubby has tried doing sitting meditation. I have. And I've really never derived much benefit from it. I much prefer doing yoga mindfully & doing walking meditation.

One book I have found to be especially helpful is Jon Kabat-Zinn's book: Full Catastrophe Living. It details the stress reduction program that was (& presumably is still) offered at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. The program is sort-of grounded in a Buddhist-oriented perspective. But it is oriented toward people who struggle medical & / or emotional problems. I highly recommend it, if your husband isn't familiar with it. There may well also be similar types of programs offered where you live that your husband could attend. I did this years ago. And, beyond that, I guess the other suggestion that comes to mind is simply that, unless you have your own mental health issues you want to talk about here on PC, perhaps it is your husband who should be here. There can be a lot of support available here on PsychCentral. Perhaps it could help.

[White Witch]

Thanks for the recommendation for the book, and our library had it! I'm on a waitlist for it. He is very aware of the fact of getting back into therapy. The running joke the last time he was in therapy was a few years back. We were both seeing a therapist at a place near us. The observation we both had after a few sessions in was that the therapists assigned to each of us were very young. I joked to my husband that they weren't much older than our son, and we've been dealing with the mental health issues almost as long as they've been on this planet. We weren't there for a long period of time, before we felt we could do better on our own. The therapists at that place were either a bit too young with not a whole lot of experience, or had so many degrees behind their name, they were a bit pompous and pretentious.