[nadia533]

Hi, I'm Nadia. I know many people on this forum have gone through much worse things and I hope I don't offend anyone by claiming the following event was traumatic when it might be nothing to compare to what you've gone through. This is not severe to most people but it was for me, so here is my experience.

At the end of the school year, I went through something... So, my friend had a party with most of the girls in the grade and had my friends lie to me and literally gave each of them an alibi so if I asked what they were doing that weekend then they had an excuse and could cover for her so I wouldn't find out. Well, I found out. I was extremely upset and depressed and she tried to make me feel better by explaining every single thing they did on this weekend trip to a nice beach... Which made me even more upset. I also had a bunch of other people lie to me that weekend so I was already depressed when I found out. Her reasoning to not invite me was because she thought I would throw myself off a cliff when on a hike there. Like seriously????????
I overreacted and told some of my friends the next day at school that I wished I could harm her physically and torture her. Violent, I know. I hang out with guys so I'm used to violence and stuff so... whoops... But she and my friend Amelia found out and instead of asking me to stop or even approaching me about it, she went straight to the principal. I was an emotional WRECK! That messed me up so much! The principal said he'd tell my parents!! Yet he failed to mention the fact that I was suspended for a day! My parents told me when I got home and I was so immensely depressed. I had never felt so awful in my life and I have gone through a lot of ****. When suspended, I texted her and asked how she could do that to me. She showed no indication that she was upset with my texts or that she wanted me to stop texting her, yet she went to the principal (AGAIN) saying I was cyberbullying. This was the girl who I used to tell EVERYTHING to. It all happened so fast.

Now it has been over a month. I haven't talked to her since and I can't even look at her. Hearing her name is enough to cause me to flashback. And when I say flashback, I mean I relive it. I am there again. I can remember everything she said. I hear her voice in my head. I avoid ANYTHING that reminds me of her. Especially the places me and her went to together. I don't let my friends even say her name around me because it's just too much. I still cry a lot over it and I see her in my sleep now. Because of her, I don't trust anyone anymore.

Is this trauma? Can that be considered a traumatic event? I really don't know what it is. I do know that it is not normal but no one will take it seriously. It's just that I seriously am experiencing almost all of the symptoms of PTSD, but I know what I went through was nowhere near that severe. So, what is wrong with me??

--Nadia

[RubyRae]

While that was an upsetting event,no,it would not meet the requirements for a PTSD diagnosis.Maybe seeing a therapist could help you deal with your feelings about it though.

[RubyRae]

https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptom...nosis-of-ptsd/

[leomama]

Are you looking for a diagnosis?

[nadia533]

Originally Posted by leomama

Are you looking for a diagnosis?

No. I'm looking for advice or information. I am just trying to figure things out.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by nadia533

No. I'm looking for advice or information. I am just trying to figure things out.

You said "
. I had never felt so awful in my life and I have gone through a lot of ****".

I'm not sure what kind of **** you have gone through,but sometimes people can experience trauma and then years later have a delayed reaction,something like what you talked about here can kind of set things off,set PTSD symptoms in gear.What you posted about isn't enough to cause PTSD but is enough to trigger PTSD symptoms of someone who already has it.

But since nobody here can diagnose you or even guess really,it's best to talk with a professional about what you're experiencing.I would hate to say it's only been a month,give yourself time to get over such an upsetting event when it's possible it could be more than that.

Are you in therapy or have a diagnosis of any kind already?

[nadia533]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

You said "
. I had never felt so awful in my life and I have gone through a lot of ****".

I'm not sure what kind of **** you have gone through,but sometimes people can experience trauma and then years later have a delayed reaction,something like what you talked about here can kind of set things off,set PTSD symptoms in gear.What you posted about isn't enough to cause PTSD but is enough to trigger PTSD symptoms of someone who already has it.

But since nobody here can diagnose you or even guess really,it's best to talk with a professional about what you're experiencing.I would hate to say it's only been a month,give yourself time to get over such an upsetting event when it's possible it could be more than that.

Are you in therapy or have a diagnosis of any kind already?

Yeah, I'm in therapy. I have depression and anxiety.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by nadia533

Yeah, I'm in therapy. I have depression and anxiety.

Have you discussed all this with your therapist?Has he/she given you any help and advice on how to deal with this?

[nadia533]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Have you discussed all this with your therapist?Has he/she given you any help and advice on how to deal with this?

I just talked to her. She gave me a little bit of advice to deal with it.

[leomama]

What are you looking for from us?

[amandalouise]

if you were here where i am threatening violence on another person then feeling awful after getting caught and punished for it is called guilt and remorse, not PTSD.

PTSD is when something something happens to you....

examples
someone threatened to do harm to you
someone physically abused you by hitting and such things
someone sexually abused you

and after these events you have nightmares, you have flashbacks, you have anxiety, depression in other words you have to have lots of problems because of someone doing something wrong to you.

the other way a person can have PTSD is if they witness something traumatic like seeing someone else get hurt, seeing or being a witness to a crime,

another way someone can have PTSD is if they know a close friend or family member has been harmed.

and the last way a person can get PTSD is through natural disasters.

but feeling bad after threatening someone else and then getting caught and in trouble for doing wrong is not PTSD. its having a guilty conscience and feeling remorse for hurting someone else.

my suggestion would be to not text the person you threatened, to stay away from them and have no contact with them. they probably did not tell you to leave them alone because of safety rules of not engaging in conversation and such with someone who they felt unsafe with. you know those basic rules schools teach of no talking to strangers and even if its someone you know, if they are threatening violence or you get that gut feeling of unsafe - ness to walk away and go tell. ...all those kinds of rules that schools now want students to follow. well this person who you threatened didnt do anything to you, what they did was what was taught. they walked away and told someone they trust, just like if someone walked up to you and said they were going to hurt you, you would also follow the rules by walking away and finding someone you trust and tell. basic safety rules.

Im not saying you dont feel bad about it, just that this person did what they were supposed to do when someone threatens to kill them. and you got caught. and now you feel bad about it.

maybe you and your therapist can set up a therapy session with you and this other person and your parents and the other persons parents and see if there is a way that you can accept responsibility for threatening to hurt the other person and help you and the person you threatened to feel better and safe around each other again.

[nadia533]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

if you were here where i am threatening violence on another person then feeling awful after getting caught and punished for it is called guilt and remorse, not PTSD.

PTSD is when something something happens to you....

examples
someone threatened to do harm to you
someone physically abused you by hitting and such things
someone sexually abused you

and after these events you have nightmares, you have flashbacks, you have anxiety, depression in other words you have to have lots of problems because of someone doing something wrong to you.

the other way a person can have PTSD is if they witness something traumatic like seeing someone else get hurt, seeing or being a witness to a crime,

another way someone can have PTSD is if they know a close friend or family member has been harmed.

and the last way a person can get PTSD is through natural disasters.

but feeling bad after threatening someone else and then getting caught and in trouble for doing wrong is not PTSD. its having a guilty conscience and feeling remorse for hurting someone else.

my suggestion would be to not text the person you threatened, to stay away from them and have no contact with them. they probably did not tell you to leave them alone because of safety rules of not engaging in conversation and such with someone who they felt unsafe with. you know those basic rules schools teach of no talking to strangers and even if its someone you know, if they are threatening violence or you get that gut feeling of unsafe - ness to walk away and go tell. ...all those kinds of rules that schools now want students to follow. well this person who you threatened didnt do anything to you, what they did was what was taught. they walked away and told someone they trust, just like if someone walked up to you and said they were going to hurt you, you would also follow the rules by walking away and finding someone you trust and tell. basic safety rules.

Im not saying you dont feel bad about it, just that this person did what they were supposed to do when someone threatens to kill them. and you got caught. and now you feel bad about it.

maybe you and your therapist can set up a therapy session with you and this other person and your parents and the other persons parents and see if there is a way that you can accept responsibility for threatening to hurt the other person and help you and the person you threatened to feel better and safe around each other again.

I do not feel bad about what I said to her. I won't ever. For one, by definition, I did not threaten her. I said I wished I could kill her. A threat needs to show intention of carrying out. And this was not said to her. It was said to my friends who I trusted. And that is not an uncommon way for a teenager to respond to anger.

I am depressed and shaken up because someone I deeply cared about wrecked my life, betrayed me and got my friends to betray me. She said hurtful things.

And about the text conversation, SHE FU*KING RESPONDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NOTHING I SAID WAS THREATENING OR RUDE OVER TEXT!

You are making me seem like the bad guy. You don't know how f*cking hard it is to be me! So leave me alone and go find someone else to blame!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by nadia533

I do not feel bad about what I said to her. I won't ever. For one, by definition, I did not threaten her. I said I wished I could kill her. A threat needs to show intention of carrying out. And this was not said to her. It was said to my friends who I trusted. And that is not an uncommon way for a teenager to respond to anger.

I am depressed and shaken up because someone I deeply cared about wrecked my life, betrayed me and got my friends to betray me. She said hurtful things.

And about the text conversation, SHE FU*KING RESPONDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NOTHING I SAID WAS THREATENING OR RUDE OVER TEXT!

You are making me seem like the bad guy. You don't know how f*cking hard it is to be me! So leave me alone and go find someone else to blame!

I was not blaming you. I was telling you that here in my own location it would not be called PTSD when someone threatens by wishing they could harm someone, and then got caught and punished for it...

I see your location is in portland oregon... thats here in the USA. so heres something that might help you to understand why you might not be getting the responses you are looking for...

many schools in america are having a problem with teen agers going around "wishing" they could harm someone and then they do it. many schools across the USA have had to deal with school shootings, stabbings and other harmful things happening to the students, when investigations are done its discovered that other students have heard the violent one saying they wished someone harm or they wanted to harm someone or were going to harm someone.

because of all this school violence going on American schools now have a zero tolorance rules where students are told they must tell when they hear another student threatening harm and that a threat is any time someone says they wish they could hurt someone, a threat in school is any time someone states they want to hurt someone, and a threat in schools are any time someone says they are going to harm someone.

I know you dont consider what you said a threat but the school did other wise they would not have called your parents and you wouldnt have gotten punished for saying it.

think of it this way what if you were walking down the street and you heard someone say hey see that one over there I wish I could kill her... would you feel safe.... I know I wouldnt feel safe if someone in my town said they wanted to kill me.

my point is this is the world we live in now where schools cant ignore and pass off as nothing when any students (not just you) saying they wish they could kill someone, its just not cool anymore, its scarey because of how many schools have had to deal with school violence.

I saw in another thread you are also attacking another member because they pointed out what you posted and how scarey what you said was and could have been for the other person....

something you need to know about being online.... when you post its normal to get replies from people who dont agree with you just like its normal to get replies from people who do agree with you... thats the risk a person takes by posting online....everyone in the whole world sees what you post and not everyone is going to agree or see things the same way.

heres a suggestion... maybe when you post you can put in your posts that you only want replies from people who see things exactly the way you do, only want replies from people who will agree 100% with you.

with out letting people know what kinds of replies you want that leaves the whole world in replying their own points of view and sometimes their replies may not agree with you.

[Crazy Hitch]

As upsetting as it was that your friend went to the principal, it was a rather direct statement of intent. Now sure, you may not have meant this at all, you may have said it off the cuff, but consider, from your friends perspective, the state that you may have been in when you said this. You would have been a mess. And no doubt this scared your friends, as it was somewhat of a threat, in your friends eyes, even though you had no intent to carry through with it. A threat does not always need to show intent, when it's on this level I'm afraid, because that's a fairly serious statement.

The sad part is, even though you didn't have intent to go through with it, your principal has a duty of care to all students in his school. And if the roles were reversed and someone had threatened to physically harm you, you'd expect some sort of intervention.

Your friend, whether or not she asked you to text her or not, or to stop texting her, would have been upset by what you said, which is a reasonable response. If I found out a friend of mine was threatening to bash me, I'd be hurt.

You have a lot of emotions going on right now. Yelling on the forums by typing in caps, might just be the similar frame of mind that you were in when you were upset by your friends actions and people don't always know how to respond to this type of response.

I think what you're possibly reliving is the consequences of your actions. And yes, unfortunately in life, everything we do does have a consequence, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

[nadia533]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

As upsetting as it was that your friend went to the principal, it was a rather direct statement of intent. Now sure, you may not have meant this at all, you may have said it off the cuff, but consider, from your friends perspective, the state that you may have been in when you said this. You would have been a mess. And no doubt this scared your friends, as it was somewhat of a threat, in your friends eyes, even though you had no intent to carry through with it. A threat does not always need to show intent, when it's on this level I'm afraid, because that's a fairly serious statement.

The sad part is, even though you didn't have intent to go through with it, your principal has a duty of care to all students in his school. And if the roles were reversed and someone had threatened to physically harm you, you'd expect some sort of intervention.

Your friend, whether or not she asked you to text her or not, or to stop texting her, would have been upset by what you said, which is a reasonable response. If I found out a friend of mine was threatening to bash me, I'd be hurt.

You have a lot of emotions going on right now. Yelling on the forums by typing in caps, might just be the similar frame of mind that you were in when you were upset by your friends actions and people don't always know how to respond to this type of response.

I think what you're possibly reliving is the consequences of your actions. And yes, unfortunately in life, everything we do does have a consequence, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Never talk to me or message me again. You don't understand me or how I feel, and especially not the situation.

[RubyRae]

A few years ago there were some things that went on at my job that I was extremely upset about and ended up quitting abruptly.I was so upset for such a long time over it,I couldn't sleep,kept re-living it over and over.I felt my life was ruined,I had been at that job quite a few years and the last thing I wanted was to quit.It took months and months to finally stop being upset and ruminating but it did eventually subside.

Your story is different but you're doing the same thing I did.So I understand how you feel.It's not PTSD,it's just ruminating over a very upsetting event that will take time to get over.What made it so hard for me was I was accused of things I did not do and disciplined and felt like I wanted to set things right,wanted revenge,etc.but finally had to accept it for what it was and let go of it and move on.

No, this is not PTSD. The A-criterion is very clear regarding what trauma's need to have happened before you have PTSD, and what you're listing isn't it. That doesn't mean it necessarily isn't trauma - you can be traumatized without having PTSD.

The A-criterion is as follows:

The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)

1. Direct exposure.
2. Witnessing, in person.
3. Indirectly, by learning that a close relative or close friend was exposed to trauma. If the event involved actual or threatened death, it must have been violent or accidental.
4. Repeated or extreme indirect exposure to aversive details of the event(s), usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, collecting body parts; professionals repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). This does not include indirect non-professional exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures.

This doesn't mean you aren't hurting. It just means it's not PTSD.

[nadia533]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I was not blaming you. I was telling you that here in my own location it would not be called PTSD when someone threatens by wishing they could harm someone, and then got caught and punished for it...

I see your location is in portland oregon... thats here in the USA. so heres something that might help you to understand why you might not be getting the responses you are looking for...

many schools in america are having a problem with teen agers going around "wishing" they could harm someone and then they do it. many schools across the USA have had to deal with school shootings, stabbings and other harmful things happening to the students, when investigations are done its discovered that other students have heard the violent one saying they wished someone harm or they wanted to harm someone or were going to harm someone.

because of all this school violence going on American schools now have a zero tolorance rules where students are told they must tell when they hear another student threatening harm and that a threat is any time someone says they wish they could hurt someone, a threat in school is any time someone states they want to hurt someone, and a threat in schools are any time someone says they are going to harm someone.

I know you dont consider what you said a threat but the school did other wise they would not have called your parents and you wouldnt have gotten punished for saying it.

think of it this way what if you were walking down the street and you heard someone say hey see that one over there I wish I could kill her... would you feel safe.... I know I wouldnt feel safe if someone in my town said they wanted to kill me.

my point is this is the world we live in now where schools cant ignore and pass off as nothing when any students (not just you) saying they wish they could kill someone, its just not cool anymore, its scarey because of how many schools have had to deal with school violence.

I saw in another thread you are also attacking another member because they pointed out what you posted and how scarey what you said was and could have been for the other person....

something you need to know about being online.... when you post its normal to get replies from people who dont agree with you just like its normal to get replies from people who do agree with you... thats the risk a person takes by posting online....everyone in the whole world sees what you post and not everyone is going to agree or see things the same way.

heres a suggestion... maybe when you post you can put in your posts that you only want replies from people who see things exactly the way you do, only want replies from people who will agree 100% with you.

with out letting people know what kinds of replies you want that leaves the whole world in replying their own points of view and sometimes their replies may not agree with you.

I had come here wishing for support because I went through this traumatizing event the emotionally damaged me. I guess I didn't expect people to defend the girl who hurt me so badly so it threw me off guard and hurt me when I was already very emotional.

If you stayed updated on the other thread, I apologized. I feel like you're making me out to be a bad person. I just needed some time to cool off because like I said, this is very emotional for me. Next time, I will specify that I am looking for emotional support.

You're explanation about America and violence in schools did help. I'm still deeply upset by the situation- more than you know, but I feel less singled out now.

Still though, what you said offended me. I asked if the emotional response that was triggered by the event related to that of PTSD. You basically through my wrong doings in my face and completely ignored the emotional part I am going through. You made me feel worse than I already do when I am already in an unstable mental state. The way I see it is you don't know how much this girl mentally broke me. You discarded my emotions and basically told me what I was feeling was my fault. Therefore, instead of helping me, you hurt me even more. You hurt me after I expressed how unstable my mental state is and that is not okay. You need to be more considerate of how I feel in this situation. Because, that girl? She's completely fine. Me? I'm a suicidal mess of emotions and being forced to live through an event that was traumatic for me. So next time, consider how your words can make me feel even worse about myself and even more depressed.

I came here for people who care- not people who hurt me more.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by nadia533

I had come here wishing for support because I went through this traumatizing event the emotionally damaged me. I guess I didn't expect people to defend the girl who hurt me so badly so it threw me off guard and hurt me when I was already very emotional.

If you stayed updated on the other thread, I apologized. I feel like you're making me out to be a bad person. I just needed some time to cool off because like I said, this is very emotional for me. Next time, I will specify that I am looking for emotional support.

You're explanation about America and violence in schools did help. I'm still deeply upset by the situation- more than you know, but I feel less singled out now.

Still though, what you said offended me. I asked if the emotional response that was triggered by the event related to that of PTSD. You basically through my wrong doings in my face and completely ignored the emotional part I am going through. You made me feel worse than I already do when I am already in an unstable mental state. The way I see it is you don't know how much this girl mentally broke me. You discarded my emotions and basically told me what I was feeling was my fault. Therefore, instead of helping me, you hurt me even more. You hurt me after I expressed how unstable my mental state is and that is not okay. You need to be more considerate of how I feel in this situation. Because, that girl? She's completely fine. Me? I'm a suicidal mess of emotions and being forced to live through an event that was traumatic for me. So next time, consider how your words can make me feel even worse about myself and even more depressed.

I came here for people who care- not people who hurt me more.

I am sorry you felt attacked...I am glad my further explaination helped....

maybe this also will help .....

my posts sometimes do confuse and trigger new people because I talk and post in ways that sometimes are not familiar to others. A job hazard, a language hazard, a person who has been and does attend college classes. many have found it helpful to read my posts a few times and ask questions.

when I reply I first look for any questions with in the posts that the person may want answered. this is because I know what its like to have questions and have to wait and wait and wait for answers. I dont like seeing others having to wait and wait and wait to get their answers.

when I read your post I saw at the end of your post you were asking questions.....

(From your first post)
Is this trauma? Can that be considered a traumatic event? I really don't know what it is. I do know that it is not normal but no one will take it seriously. It's just that I seriously am experiencing almost all of the symptoms of PTSD, but I know what I went through was nowhere near that severe. So, what is wrong with me??

your title of the thread is called is this kind of like PTSD....

my reply to you was in answer to your questions... since your question in the title was asking if this was PTSD I kept that in mind when answering your questions at your post...that you wanted to know if what you posted was the kind of trauma that is called PTSD.

then I used the examples you supplied in your post to explain why here in New York City what happened with you and the other person is not called PTSD.

I did nor mean it as a slap in the face.

you see when people post replies they read someones post and use whats in that post to reply with and to the original poster about.. thats called staying on topic. So its pretty normal around here to have people pick out examples from your post and put them in their replies. they usually do not mean it as an attack or throwing it in your face when you have done wrong doing and someone reposts it in their reply. its just part of staying on topic. I do realize its not very comfortable sometimes to have that happen, I dont always like it ether, but on the other side of the coin if no one posted about whats in each others posts the good and the bad, then no one would be posting to anyone. no one would be chatting/ talking to each other then we would have a whole website of members just sitting around reading and not replying.

my point when you see someone has pointed out something you didnt expect them to point out for example when a person admits to doing something that other people on the forum may feel was the wrong way to handle something, with a suggestion to try something different, they usually are not trying to slap you in the face. they just want you to see what has jumped out at them in your own posts. my using what you did as examples of why its not called PTSD here where I am was not meant as a slap in the face. Im sorry that it felt that way to you.

yes I did see the other thread, my posts / and replies have a lag in them because I prefer to send them to the moderators before they go on the boards what can I say other than Im a perfectionist at times and like others here my mental illness sometimes makes my perceptions off and I also have a heavy career that can at time affect my personal life. As a result of this I like to send my posts to the moderators first. this sometimes results in a confusing problem on the boards where my reply ends up posted afterwards, not right when I reply. sorry for the confusion.

I am glad things are a bit better for you now.