[RubyRae]

One evening a person was joking around and called my husband a pu*sy during a conversation they were having.My husband replied with "I am what I eat" and then laughed,actually they both laughed about it.

I was livid,I still am.It was 2 weeks ago and I still can't get over it.It made me feel so degraded,so humiliated,so...violated.

I still feel that way.As a matter of fact it has made me feel suicidal.I told my husband I hate him,I don't want to be with him anymore and I want a divorce.

I feel ashamed of myself for reacting this way.I feel ashamed that I'm having such a hard time with a joke.But I am writing about it here to help myself get my sh** together.Just typing it out helps me see that I obviously was triggered by what he said.

[childofchaos831]

I think your reaction makes sense actually. The emotions you felt and feel are completely valid and underrstandable, his comment would have upset me also. He may have been deflecting in an uncomfortable situation for him, maybe his go to is humor, I don't know. But that kind of "joke" just doesn't sit right with me at all.

It sounds like, after some time, you no longer mean what you said, bit the emotions are still there. Can you express that to him? Let him know that that kind of humor is upsetting to you? Even tho you were triggered, that does not take away from how you feel, and I see no reasoon that you should feel shame.

For example, if someone comes up behind me and hugs me without me noticing they are there or asking if they can hug me, they are likely to get an elbow to the gut. Even tho I don't believe that my action is appropriate there, it is a reflex for me. I don't like being touched, and as long as I am asked and have warning, I am okay with it with certain people. I don't feel shame for the behavior, itself, instead I explain to the person the reason for it and I request they ask from then on.

With PTSD, our reflexes don't often make se new to normal people, but these reflexes have protected us for years, so they still exist.

[RubyRae]

Thank you...so much!

My husband just keeps saying it was just a joke,doesn't even comprehend that it was very,very triggering for me.But I guess I haven't really explained why it was so upsetting,and maybe I should explain it to him.You are spot on,the emotions are still there.

I guess I could tell him that since he said it I have had images in my mind from childhood.That he and the other person laughing after he said it took me right back emotionally to something similar,and it's the laughing that got to me the most(I realize that now).And maybe I should explain that although it was a joke between two men,I was standing right there when he said it,and really,it was about me,and it repulsed me to hear it,even if I didn't have PTSD it would have been disrespectful.

Even tho you were triggered, that does not take away from how you feel, and I see no reasoon that you should feel shame.

Thank you.I needed to hear that,I needed that validation.

I try,and work so hard at managing my PTSD,I need to not be so hard on myself when things like this happen.I just hate it SO much when I don't have control of myself and am way over the top with my reactions.He has PTSD too but his is just so completely different than mine,but maybe the difference is mine's from childhood and his is not.I wish sometimes mine was more like his because he seems to manage much easier/better than I do.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

One evening a person was joking around and called my husband a pu*sy during a conversation they were having.My husband replied with "I am what I eat" and then laughed,actually they both laughed about it.

I was livid,I still am.It was 2 weeks ago and I still can't get over it.It made me feel so degraded,so humiliated,so...violated.

I still feel that way.As a matter of fact it has made me feel suicidal.I told my husband I hate him,I don't want to be with him anymore and I want a divorce.

I feel ashamed of myself for reacting this way.I feel ashamed that I'm having such a hard time with a joke.But I am writing about it here to help myself get my sh** together.Just typing it out helps me see that I obviously was triggered by what he said.

I agree that it was rude remark and degrading to women. I can understand why you were so upset. This may have been the straw that broke the camels back. In looking at it you could say it was just a joke and let it go. But for some reason this really hurt you and you need to see what that's all about. Do you want to live like this? Are there options?

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Trace14

I agree that it was rude remark and degrading to women. I can understand why you were so upset. This may have been the straw that broke the camels back. In looking at it you could say it was just a joke and let it go. But for some reason this really hurt you and you need to see what that's all about. Do you want to live like this? Are there options?

I sure don't want to leave my husband over a joke he made.To him,it was just a funny comeback to being called a pu*sy and I want to believe it wasn't meant to degrade me or trigger me.

I know that I have reacted to it in this way because of csa,from being ridiculed and laughed at after being sexually abused as a child.That's exactly how his joke made me feel when he and the other person laughed about what he said.

Maybe holding a grudge and holding him responsible for my reaction is wrong.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

I sure don't want to leave my husband over a joke he made.To him,it was just a funny comeback to being called a pu*sy and I want to believe it wasn't meant to degrade me or trigger me.

I know that I have reacted to it in this way because of csa,from being ridiculed and laughed at after being sexually abused as a child.That's exactly how his joke made me feel when he and the other person laughed about what he said.

Maybe holding a grudge and holding him responsible for my reaction is wrong.

That makes sense. I think you need to talk that over with him and let him know how that made you feel and why you reacted as you did. Good that you found the source of that emotion. Good job.

[RubyRae]

Ok,I'm finally completely over this.It sure took quite awhile.

I'm back to feeling the love for my husband again instead of so much anger and resentment.

Poor guy.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Ok,I'm finally completely over this.It sure took quite awhile.

I'm back to feeling the love for my husband again instead of so much anger and resentment.

Poor guy.

Great news!!!!