I have always had body memories... the memory... a physical response slowly sinks into my sub-conscious.. like something familiar.. some thing is wrong here... that ick feeling... or a gesture..invlountary movements...

seeing this body work therapist.. has thrown it into high gear... my body.. is remembering extreme trauma.. from being sodomized.. yes.. the memories.. flooding me.. and it is so hard... I have never forgotten..
but.. perhaps it is the sharing of the information amoug alters.. or perhaps all people with PTSD have this..

my body in therapy friday.. reacted very violently.. and with it came whisper words.. of what was happening..

terrifying for me... my T said that it is the PTSD... and to remember that it is not happening in the here and in the now..

But.. it makes me violently sick to my stomach...

And... I wonder... how a body can store so much pain..

I am struggling so much now.. and feel so isolated...

[lenjan]

Hugs, if OK. I know when I get this way I can't stand to be touched.

Body memories are common I think, but that doesn't make them any easier. And it is often near-impossible to tell yourself it isn't happening here and now when you're in the throes of them. I'm glad at least T was able to help you through some of it.

It slows down over time, at least it has for me, but no, you'll probably never forget.

I wish you peace.

Candy

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((freewill))))

My heart feels your pain hun and yes, body memories are very real and hard to understand. Sometimes, they scare me so much. I am so glad that you had your t there with you as you went through them. Know my heart is with you and that even though it seems you are alone, you are not. Hold my hand friend and I will walk with you. I do understand and am there now. It is very scary, but keep reaching. I am right here, and I am only a pm away if you need to talk. I love you dear friend always.

camilionwords1truth

[Kiya]

are you doing alright? i know, they're awful. i was having some last night, too - mild, but so painful. the skin is the largest organ we have and any little thing is felt through the whole system. I haven't started bodywork - avoiding it like a the plague. Sending you courage and peace of mind to get through it. It is hard to comprehend that so much pain can be stored there. that is a big step in facing it.

kiya

update..

I spoke with my T... and we agreed that I have to slow down and not see the body work T as often... so as to give me more time to process..

I am being flooded... and can't... process it all..

In my last session... the alter that was mute for a year.. 7thgrade was out and about.. haven't seen her for a long while... when I was in 7th grade.. I had selective mutism.. means that I wanted to talk... but could not.. though at home if I was asked a question.. I could respond.. but nothing at school.. or such..

thank you all for the care..

[Kiya]

slowing down is probably a good thing. Since your posts, i've been thinking a lot about body work and if i am brave enough to try it out. It was also brought up in the book I'm reading, and at my (first ever) session last week with this new gal. I have so much pain in the body that it is tempting to begin - but I am more afraid of the very different pain that I know will come up when touched. I haven't started boundary work yet, so that may need to happen first.
I hope you are doing better!!!
Kiya