Recent Headlines Triggering

With my feeling triggered, it helps me to stay busy/distracted and to minimize exposure to the headlines.

Still having a lot of anxiety and insomnia.


WC

What a great assessment of the current media trends through what used to be called yellow journalism and is now received (after wearing us down) as the new normal. Ever notice how the word 'hilarious' has changed on the net? I used to buy into it and click on to take a look...really, this is what they consider hilarious??? What a waste of my time.

I will forever be questioning definitions because I what I learned as a child in abusive homes. I refuse to believe with childlike faith what I learned in the past as taught to me at the knee of my abusers. I guess that is what being an adult is all about.

Now that I know better, I've taught our kids to question authority, including mine. Having them come home now that they are grown and tell me what hurt them back then makes me sorry and sad, but it also gives me a chance to hear them out, apologize, and guide them towards the healing tools they want and need. Even paying for therapy at times.

They have their own values that are different from mine and that is rewarding to be a part of: I've encouraged them many times to "eat the meat and throw away the bones" of their early training when I was suffering from diagnoses yet to be discovered. They didn't know that; all they knew is that their mother was terribly depressed, broke out in rages when irritated, and confused the heck out of them. All have been in therapy. We have worked through many issues and are better as a result.

We talk here in our posts of being triggered by those ahead. But are any of you old enough to realize how you may be someone else's trigger? as a result of your own trigger still being triggered? Very humbling, to say the least.

YES!! And I have a feeling others who suffer struggle with some guilt because of that. I have gone through awful cycles and I found myself constantly saying "I am sorry", and if I did not say it I was thinking it and feeling it. I also found that when I needed to vent here and posted I always wanted to conclude with an apology. Then I had noticed how a lot of other members who would start a thread did apologize and I found myself realizing how sad that is because these individuals must have been encouraged to feel ashamed for needing and having hurt or confused feelings.

I do think one has to be careful when struggling with PTSD not to feed into the guilt and shame part, as that is part of the challenge.

I am sorry you struggled with it for a long time not really knowing what it was and that there simply was not the kind of help and knowledge offered like there is now.

About saying sorry...I believe that all things can be improved, beginning with me. Not being able to do something perfect on the first try means my brain requires experimentation in order to learn anything. Learning is a process.

What I expected from my parent(s) was the effort to recognize their hurtful action, say they were sorry their action had hurt me, and reassure me that they would find a way to not do that action again. Sadly, they never experienced the liberation of those words. Alcoholism and mental illness dominated their actions.

However, this is the good I learned from their sad example: I give those words to my grown children when they open up with their hurts about my actions way back when. I, too, have mental illness...and a lot more tools available to me for the taking of which I gladly avail myself.

At one time in my life I was a victim of someone else's distress, but now I am an adult who has adult children and none of us want or need to participate in endless victimized thinking patterns. It's true I'll never get my childhood back for a re-do, nor will my children, but my adult years of using my choices for my good don't need to be squandered either. Misuse and abuse of power is here to stay; it is my job to find the courage within to deal effectively with the management of such, which includes the consequences of my choices. That's the tool I pass onto my children and grandchildren.

I'd like to think my parents would be pleased in knowing I(this generation) found what they couldn't find in their culture.

This thread has been pruned and re-opened for posting. Please keep in mind the OPs topic for their thread and DO NOT derail this thread into an opportunity to talk politics, media interviewing, or such:

This is about your personal journey and your experiences.

Thank you.

I do find the headlines triggering, but sort of for a different reason. They upset me because I will never be able to confront my abuser, who was my brother. There was not sexual abuse, although he did try. But there was plenty of physical abuse, which they witnessed and ignored. My mother claims not to recall anything when I bring up certain things that he did, and there is no way I could mention them to my dad. He does not believe anything bad ever happened in our family, and the things that did were certainly minor.

I remember growing up around him and having to try and control situations so that he wouldn't kill me or at the least, beat me. He was a drug addict at the time, and seems to not remember or not care that he behaved this way. He thinks everything should be all fine between us.

I cannot behave that way. I cannot pretend like I wasn't affected by his abuse. That it didn't scare me to death growing up with a monster in the room next to me. A monster who regularly threatened to kill me and physically abused me.

But who would listen? No one. No one cares, and no one will listen. So my abuser still has power because I cannot give a voice to my pain or a name to my monster.

I am glad these women are finally able to come forward and name their abusers. But it makes me sad and upset that I can never do so.

Seesaw

That's a tough situation to be in, seesaw.
Thanks for sharing.
My heart goes out to you!

WC

I've had a lot of distraction lately, with a family emergency , which entailed surgery (for the family member) and many long hours at the hospital.

Now that things are settling down from this recent emergency, "trauma material" is creeping back into consciousness.

I see my pdoc/therapist in 2 weeks.

I am thankful to DocJohn for re-opening this thread, with a warning to all of us (no politics, etc.). It's very important this thread is available to anyone in need.

Love to All.

WC

Doc John, thank you so much for reopening this thread. I know it was not anyone's intention, but closing the thread brought up old stuff about being told to stay quiet about the abuse. I'm grateful you are giving us the chance to be heard.

I took some time out of my "schedule" today to process some of the memories randomly popping up. It seems helpful to assign it a time(frame), hoping it's less intrusive throughout the rest of the day.

How is it going for others?


WC

I'm trying to figure out how to start processing it. Last week, while I was working, the thoughts and memories were intrusive. Now, while I'm on vacation it's not bothering me. Suggestions for getting started? I'm contemplating a blog here at PC to dump everything in.

I am journaling.
A blog might be helpful!

WC

I just PM'd to ask if I can start a blog. Until I can start one I think I'll journal on the computer. That way I can cut and paste into the blog. I've decided to set time aside on Sunday. Seems like dealing and putting away old "stuff" on the last day of the year is fitting.

Great idea!
I should give that some thought.


WC