[CalamityJane425]

You wake up in the morning from a bad nightmare, previous night having dealt with a psychotic neighbor from Hell.
You finally fall into a fit full sleep dreaming that someone is chasing you with a baseball bat....THEN you wake up to reality wishing you hadn't woke up at all because you know that you have to deal with the problem.
I believe in Hell after you die. And Hell on earth is dealing with a psycho neighbor.
I've been through much in my life & I've been around the block but you never are mentally prepared for a beast like a psycho neighbor.
I literally want to get some holy water so that I can get rid of any bad energy left on my door.

(((((hugs))))))

[hermitbydestiny]

You know you have PTSD when you wake up with flashbacks far different than just a bad dream. At age 62, I woke up in the emotional state of a 4-year-old in the midst of the trauma. It was terrifying in that I couldn't abstract the solution while in the problem and was actually feeling the distress I felt as that little girl when I realized that it was going to be up to me to determine what I should and should not stick in my mouth because I could no longer trust my mother who set me up to drink poison so she could rush me to ER and 'save me'. I had my stomach pumped 3 times by the time I was 4 when I should have had it pumped one more time but she chose not to take me to ER and let me ride out the effects of eating a whole box of Ex-Lax.

Night after night that flashback revisited. One month's worth led me to the doc who told me what was going on by my symptoms and also by my blood pressure and body signals screaming at me to get some relief. I eventually gave in to the fact that I needed meds, but put myself through even more hell in wanting to get over it on my own...finally I trusted the doc and went on an antidepressant, which helped like nothing else.

Then I got into CBT and met so many wonderful people who had healing tools. My church had warned me against 'ungodly counselors' but I what I actually found through my own experience was that those outside the church to actually be better and more informed than those inside. I no longer go to that church. I've learned to better discern who I call upon as helpers by shopping around, and have learned that it is okay to need help outside myself, and to re-learn how to trust myself in a better way as a result.

So, I'd like to say that my breakdown actually became a break through and for that I am thankful.

[HD7970GHZ]

Heartbreaking to hear your stories... My heart goes out to you....

You know you have PTSD when:

You don't trust anyone.
You have lost all faith in humanity.
You begin to see life as a means about survival; the world is dark and scary.
You spend years of your life "coping."
You have isolated from everyone and everything.
You have so many triggers you end up doing nothing but sitting in negativity.
You shut the door on friends and family.
You cannot discern whether you are in real danger in the present moment because in the past you were in danger.
You want so badly to trust someone but everyone seems to fail.
You are SO sensitive, everything hurts.
You can go from zero to a hundred in terms of anger.
When someone hurts you, you are easily re-traumatized.
You resort to age-regression as a means of coping.
Somatic suffering and pain.
Hyper vigilance and fight / flight mode that you cannot seem to disable.
Rarely ever have a relaxing moment.
Endless endless endless ruminations.

Among many many more things.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by CalamityJane425

You wake up in the morning from a bad nightmare, previous night having dealt with a psychotic neighbor from Hell.

You finally fall into a fit full sleep dreaming that someone is chasing you with a baseball bat....THEN you wake up to reality wishing you hadn't woke up at all because you know that you have to deal with the problem.

I believe in Hell after you die. And Hell on earth is dealing with a psycho neighbor.

I've been through much in my life & I've been around the block but you never are mentally prepared for a beast like a psycho neighbor.

I literally want to get some holy water so that I can get rid of any bad energy left on my door.

Going to church helps.

[hermitbydestiny]

Going to church didn't help me because my secondary cause of PTSD is/was church-related. Unfortunately, abuse and misuse of authority is rampant in the churches no matter what the denomination. Those in recovery groups generally have horror stories to tell about what happen to them in their childhood church experiences. The mental illness group called NAMI has a faith practice within their organization for those recovering from the hurt and trauma they experienced while being ostracized as different by congregations-too-many.

However, that being said, living in an attitude of hope is what kick starts gratitude and in every spiritual practice that I've come across, HOPE is the core message irregardless of how it is sometimes re-interpreted to manipulate the masses through fear, guilt, shame and dollar grabbing by pulpit authority. Gratitude stops victim mentality every single time I am wallowing in the mire. I have learned to be thankful for what brought me to the Light, and then the Light of Hope takes over--whether through program work with my therapist, meditation, a serendipitous recovery lesson, the song of a bird, the voice of a friend, on and on it goes---when I am traveling with gratitude for whatever presents.

The good news is: No brick and mortar building can produce or stop this HOPE, and sometimes this HOPE may even be found there. That's why after ten years of nonattendance in a church, I am going to a candle light service at a church offering such in the morning on Christmas Eve. I will bring in and celebrate this HOPE, which has been taught to me in the privacy of my own heart, where my sorrow was met and healed in the Light.

Thank you for your post for in it I realized my initial hurt is not what it used to be and now I am strong enough to join others in celebration tomorrow within this HOPE of Light. And then go home glad of heart and enjoy the rest of my day...no matter what.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by hermitbydestiny

Going to church didn't help me because my secondary cause of PTSD was church-related. Abuse and misuse of authority is rampant in the churches. Those in recovery groups have horror stories to tell unfortunately. The mental illness group called NAMI has a faith practice within their organization for those recovering from the hurt and trauma they experienced while being ostracized as different by congregations too many.


However, that being said, living in an attitude of hope is what kick starts gratitude and in every spiritual practice that I've come across, HOPE is the core message irregardless of how it is sometimes re-interpreted to manipulate the masses through fear, guilt, shame and dollar grabbing by pulpit authority.


The good news is: No brick and mortar building can produce or stop this HOPE, and sometimes this HOPE may even be found there. That's why after ten years of nonattendance in a church, I am going to a candle light service tomorrow at a church on the corner. I will bring in and celebrate this HOPE as taught to me in the privacy of my own heart, where my sorrow was met and healed in the Light.

You mentioned holy water which is why I mentioned church. Holy water is consecrated in church so if you wanted to get some that’s where it’d be.

[rottedxdoll]

When you have nightmares so horrible you're terrified to sleep no matter how exhausted you are.

That you'll stay up until almost noon, drink and even make yourself sick repeatedly (although that part is also due to my eating disorder) so that (hopefully) you're too exhausted to have dreams when you do finally sleep

When looking at pictures of yourself naked (that you willingly took yourself) feels so disturbing and pornographic you feel like you're raping your own eyes

When you're too scared to sleep in the same bed as your spouse because having a human body so close to you when you're vulnerable terrifies you

When the main thing that keeps you from suicide is that you haven't done anything to make your abusers pay for what they did to you.

When you flinch when your baby moves too quickly in your direction.

When it becomes easier to consider the possibility of your spouse cheating on you because you can't have sex than it is to consider having sex and being naked and exposed to them.