[Nike007]

I have been struggling a lot lately, in terms of self-care and not doing anything, and I was trying to figure out why and with my therapist, he helped me realized that my problems are about my trauma. I think that this was the straw that broke the camel's back in me; my tipping point. I said that I feel like I am procrastinating on life for the past couple of months, and he mentioned that procrastinating usually meant that you were anxious about something (something like this), and this is what I concluded it was.

I think the things I should have realized earlier that this was my problem was the irritability and the problems with sleep. It was hard for me to think this because I am struggling with depression, and was in an episode of depression before my trauma, so it was hard for me to determine what symptoms come from what, and I think that this applies to everyone. But for me, I have never had problems falling asleep, even with depression. The only time I had problems with sleep was if I was anxious a lot the night before (this was not that common though for me), and this has been a problem since my trauma. I take prescribed sleeping medication now and I never needed it before. And I am irritable now, when I was never before, and my previous therapist told me that I would never get angry and that this was a problem, and now I feel angry (more irritable) quite often.

Anyways, the things I struggle with, as I assume most people with PTSD know, is the avoidance of triggers, having hyper-arousal, and a lot of self-blaming for what happened. And I just want to get back to my life. I don't want to fear walking down the street, or being scared by noises, and I would like to try and develop relationships. I want to be interested in things again.

But I am scared about talking about my trauma. I made a list of things I avoid because of my trauma, and it took me like half an hour or so, not because I couldn't think of what they were, but because I kept having flashbacks.

I feel like admitting my problems makes me an embarrassment. I am worried about talking about my problems because I know it's going to suck, and be hard, and I am going to have flashbacks while talking about it. He already knows what happens, because I was seeing him, my therapist, when the trauma occurred, and I was fine talking about it, but now I feel like I can't, and I just feel embarrassed. I am afraid of being seen as an attention seeker and someone who wants to have PTSD. My therapist would never say stuff like this, this is just my anxiety. What should I do? I can email him before my next session if I need to. Thank you.

[Big Mama]

I am sorry you are struggling with doubt. You sound like me, I am my own worst enemy. Our therapists are not here to judge, they are not here to like you or not like you, they are here to help you. To help you grow to be the person you want to become and need to become.

When I first talked about my trauma with my T (therapist) I made sure she was ready for me. I needed to know that she was not planning on any vacations in the near future, or surgeries, and that nothing big was happening in her life. That made it a lot easier for me to proceed. I also told my T about how nervous and uncertain I was. We went over the sensations to expect, what to do if I flip out, what she would do with me, what I needed to do with myself. That helped me to know what to expect.

Good luck with this. It is a painful process but when you come threw the other side looking back you will be glad you did it.

[downandlonely]

I haven't been through a trauma, but I think what you're going through must be very tough. And talking about it will be hard at first, but I think it will make you feel better in the end.

[Unrigged64072835]

I agree with Big Mama about having some ways to cope with the flashbacks and overwhelming feelings.

My EMDR T mentioned that we will be doing grounding and some compartmentalization techniques so I can bear this.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Big Mama

I am sorry you are struggling with doubt. You sound like me, I am my own worst enemy. Our therapists are not here to judge, they are not here to like you or not like you, they are here to help you. To help you grow to be the person you want to become and need to become.


When I first talked about my trauma with my T (therapist) I made sure she was ready for me. I needed to know that she was not planning on any vacations in the near future, or surgeries, and that nothing big was happening in her life. That made it a lot easier for me to proceed. I also told my T about how nervous and uncertain I was. We went over the sensations to expect, what to do if I flip out, what she would do with me, what I needed to do with myself. That helped me to know what to expect.


Good luck with this. It is a painful process but when you come threw the other side looking back you will be glad you did it.

Thank you for your response.

I haven’t been the best the past few days. Today I was very dissociated. I feel like I’m not in my body or present, but not in the past either, just... nowhere.

I can try to do that, but it’s harder to do since he works with my college and like most people, I’m done college until September, and so many people plan trips during these times so. As I stated before, I can email him if needed. I ended up emailing him last night from my stress.

Thank you. I am hoping it will go well.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I agree with Big Mama about having some ways to cope with the flashbacks and overwhelming feelings.


My EMDR T mentioned that we will be doing grounding and some compartmentalization techniques so I can bear this.

I have been trying to use an app called PTSD coach and I find it helps. I really just need to keep headphones with me at all times. It’s a good app, but most of it is sound-based, so I need headphones most times.

I feel like I need a plan for my life or everything feels overwhelming and busy and like I have no idea what to do. I want to talk to my T about a lot of things this week but I’m afraid that we’ll run out of time...

[Unrigged64072835]

Maybe you and your T could make a treatment plan of what needs the most managing, and go with that unless something comes up that needs urgent resolution.