[seekerofanswers]

Hi, I just joined this site and am looking for a few friends. I was raped 5 years ago at the age of 14. I never told anyone and didn't seek any kind of help. I tried everything to make the pain go away from pain killers to alcohol and cutting. I'm still a cutter and realize I need to seek an answer hence the name. I'd love to hear from anyone, so please reply!!!

[Frances]

Welcome seekerofanswers,
that is a positive handle you have. Please acknowledge to yourself that cutting is not one of the answers you seek. I command you to stop doing it. Our pain is reinforced and we hand power to our abusers when we self inflict in any form.

Must go now but we can catch up later.
Regards Frances
Eat right sleep right and play hard.

[seekerofanswers]

Thank you Frances for your reply. I do realize that cutting is not what I want, however, if it was so easy to stop I would have done so long before now. I've been told to not do it anymore by a friend of mine but I haven't found any other way to deal with the pain. Thank you so much for the reply, I'm still really new to this and was anxious as to what to do.

[Frances]

Hi again Seekerofanswers,
my sincere apologies. I felt lousy later in the day thinking I was so abrupt and harsh in my remarks and couldn't get back to the computer to add more thoughtful comments about your post.

I didn't mean to infer the task was easy and cutting is simply a most obvious approach and I too use [less obvious but equally] unsatisfactory ways of "coping". Please forgive me for my tactless response.

Such experiences are not ones we can shut from our minds. I have recently left an abusive relationship. I am more disturbed than ever about my fear and subsequent passive behaviour. Who am I honouring? Certainly not myself! I am just now accepting there is no other word to describe aspects of the abuse other than rape. Not brutal physically, but if my verbal refusals and non responsive behaviour is too cerebral for him then I am left with limited control over my circumstance. In the past it has been easier to forgive him when he apologizes, than to face myself, my own feelings and inadequacies about self determination. I can say of myself ...none so blind as those that do not want to see.

Seekerofanswers, I don't know your circumstance and can't relate to them though I believe I recognise your pain and unconscious strategies for coping. Words of encouragement would be that you have set on a right path as we can not consciously change that which we don't acknowledge.

The cutting is a very disturbing behaviour and it will come down to being your choice at the end of the day. Please know in your heart you are entitled to feel good about yourself and you are inherently beautiful. Please trust that healing will be yours though we can't turn it on a dime.

Seekerofanswers, the cutting as with other self destructive behaviours becomes a default setting, such action is a symptom of your inner turmoil. Make decisions about constructive behaviours you might grow in their place. CHOOSE TO CHANGE. Choose rational thoughts and be determined to travel a path of healing. There is going to be easy days and much harder days and falldowns along the way. Diana Kraal sings it too simply "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and ...start all over again" we must be sure to learn so we avoid going in circles.

After a time we learn to see the hole before we fall into it and progress yet further when we walk around the hole. We can not make ourselves immune to lousy things happening to us but we will know we are survivors of this and subsequently will be stronger in being faithful to ourselves in the future.

A lot of froth and bubble maybe but I'm trying and I believe it is better than the status quo.

Regards Frances
Eat right sleep right and play hard.

[seekerofanswers]

Thank you Frances for your note. I did not mean to sound curt to you either. I wanted you to know, that I found my answer. . .God. This past weekend I spent camping at Ichthus, basically a Christian woodstock. I've been a Christian since I was 9 years old, but had fallen away from my faith. I realized that the answer I had been searching for these past 5 years was here all along. God loves me no matter what happened, no matter what I do. I have decided to turn my life back to Him who loves me more than anyone. I know that the path will not be easy, temptation lies at every door as you have said, however, this time I'm not alone. He will here my cry and come to me. I pray that you will find this release and healing from the Great Healer himself.

[Frances]

Yes, I too find much strength from my faith. I know in my heart their is comfort in my Lord's caress as it comes in so many forms. Even your post allowed me to speak things I have difficulty facing in myself. Such events are in my view, God presenting opportunities for me to grow in healing and faith. Thankyou too Seekerofanswers and I hope and prayer you find still more favours from God that carry you on. Personally I believe angels come into our lives in the form of people showing us the way to overcome, naturally our gratitude can only be expressed when we CHOOSE TO SEE his presence in our own lives.

We are all blessed with abundant love and it is of no value to us or others till we acknowledge and share our blessings. Go forward Seekerofanswers knowing there is abundant love, for you and from you, that is awaiting us at every turn when we open our heart and soul to it's influence in our lives.

God bless us with open eyes and hearts that we might appreciate that our cup is always full. Bless us Lord that we may grow in strength and overcome our suffering and that of those around us. Grant us Lord the wisdom we receive through forgiveness. Forgive them Lord for they know what they do. And Forgive me Lord for I know not what I do.

Fond regards from your sister in faith Frances.
If you care to, I would be glad to continue off the board by email as I have only a few friends in fellowship.

PS My username of Frances is the beautiful name I gave my dear baby Frances who died in the womb many years ago. My subsequent child carries Claire as her middle name as St Clair was a follower of St Francis. Small, yet to me significant expressions of my faith.

[daffadil]

I cannot even imagine what you must be going through, but I know that talking about my problems and listening to others sometimes gives some relief. Have you ever thought about volunteering at your local rape crisis centre? It might help you to know that you're not alone, and that you can help others that have gone through the same thing you have.

[Dias]

Sorry i didnt get to this sooner, welcome to the fourums
hope you have a nice time and stop by chat its not that
much runny anymore ;-(

[jennie]

hello. i've been raped by my father and 3 years ago during a date. i know what it feels like to violated and my emotions to be discarded.

healing is a process. two steps forward, one step back. here is a number you should write down 1-800-656-HOPE for when you feel really panicky. it's a US national hotline for rape and other trauma victims. they can help refer you to someone that specializes in trauma. they may even help you find a Christian counselor if you ask. you shouldn't have to suffer alone. ((((Huggs)))

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>