I have always had terrible nightmares... several a night since I was a very little girl..

Last night.. my nightmare was so very real... sometimes.. I do think they are real.. and I act on the information.. so have to be careful..

But I dreamed... that I was homeless...

For anyone that has gone thru the experience of actually being homeless.... you know how terrifying it can be..

So I re-lived that experience... and it was so real again in the nightmare.. so very real..

I was feeling all the old feelings... being scared.. the worry... being hungry... being cold... struggling to protect my body from others...

When I woke up.. I just wanted to kiss everything in my house.. my home is older.. but it is my home.. and I am so very grateful to have it..I went to the cupboard.. and saw food.. yepper.. I have food... and was just so relieved...

I wish the feelings of the nightmare went away when the dream ends... but.. the feelings linger and linger...

[Cyran0]

free, that sounds like a rough dream indeed. Nobody wants to go through their worst periods again. But the upside is that you really appreciate what you have. Just think of how much better the world would be if everyone did that.

I don't have any advice on the lingering feelings as that's just how dreams effect us. Were you ultimately able to shake it off?

Cyran0

thank you for your kind words... they really are appreciated..

yes... it has gradually worn off... can say I just about kissed everything in my home... lol.. even the tree outside my window where the squirrels come to feed..I am not materialist.. but oohhhh boy.. being warm and safe.. feels so good..homeless.. is so so scary...

Some of my dreams are not so easily shaken... one time I had a dream that the school counselor was "spying" on my house... lol.. we lived in the same neighboorhood.. and he felt that "single" parents - that we put our children at extreme risk... just by being single..and he had given me several lectures about it.. though my son was not having problems..

well I went to my son's school... and realized just in time.. that it was a dream... gezzzzzzzzzzzz... I got into the school.. with wet hair from a shower.. got to the office.. went in.. and then went.. OMG... and made an excuse.. and slunk off.. and prayed my son didn't find out..went home.. dried my hair.. went to work.. powerful dreams...that linger...

but.. anyway... their son... she a teacher.. he a councelor.. ended up.. smoking.. and in drugs..so his theroy... of single parents.. didn't come true...this is beside the point...

[Kiya]

((((((((Free)))))))) i am so glad you are warm and safe and have food. Hold on to those feelings and banish away the dreams.
kiya

(((((freewill)))))))))))
thinking of you

[SweetCrusader]

*safe hugs* if wanted

freewill, that must have been terrifying. I have never been homeless, but I work with homeless people, and formerly homeless people... and the things I've seen are heartbreaking. I would be absolutely terrified to be homeless. It's not for the faint of heart.

I hope you can find some safe, snuggly things you can do to reaffirm your new reality, and ease some of your stress, fear and pain.

[recluse1]

((((freewill))))) if i have dreams that somehow tie into my real life story, the emotions they can carry do stay with us a while even after we awake. i think it is because we have learned an automatic response to the emotion/situation.....whether they come in a dream or in reality, our bodies response to it is the same.

hope you feel better soon hunni. always in my thoughts.
recluse1

(((((((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))

big hugs to you my friend

LoveJinny xxxxxx

[drummergrl]

Hi freewill:
Be glad that's all your dream was........a " dream"!!!! For me it was all very REAL!!! After I left my first husband, and we were officially divorced from each other, I had full custody of my year plus old baby. I had lived with my mom and step parent for the term of his overseas tour. Well, one weekend we went to San Diego from Arizona to see my sister and my mother got very mad at me cause my best friends mom came and saw me. That was the real clincher.
I believe it to be, anyway. I wanted to stay behind and go to one of my alumni's football games and then fly home. Well,
my mom wasn't happy and my stepdad was never very happy to me. When I returned home I bought my moms' birthday present with me. It was Johnny Mathis greatest hits album. When he walked into the room, he grabbed it from her hand and commensed to breaking it in two and threw it at her and said...: " there" !!!! I made the remark that
she better leave him before he kills her. She looked at me
and said it was "me", and that I would have to go. THAT NIGHT. No car, no money, and a baby in my arms. She managed to get me a flight out and I left and never went back. It just so happens that I had a boyfriend overseas who was supporting me at the time. I was able to get us an apt. and settled in before he came home.
When he did, he wanted to go to Arizona and beat the hell
out of my stepfather. I should have let him. I wished I had!!
So you see, for me that still lingers. My own mother tossing me on the streets with a year old baby. Yeah! if that's mother love, I don't want anymore!!!!/??????????
It still bites me in the butt to think about it..........I would never
do that to one of my own........especially if the father was a step dad. That just wouldn't happen with me. Years later my mother told me she regretted letting him do that. They were living on the money "she" earned, not his. He was retired military. I paid room and board and got food stamps
for them. I need to quit now. This is triggering me and it's not worth it anymore. Sorry.

[MissCharlotte]

((Freewill))

When I was 12 years old my family was homeless for about 6 or 7 months. We lived in various short term places, friends houses, relatives apartments in NYC. It was winter, and I didn't have proper clothing that year. To this day, I panic at the thought of moving. I'm sensitive to the cold, and always have to have gloves, hat and scarf on to keep my body warm. I have lived in my house now for 20 years, raised my kids here, and have tried to move but just can't seem to do it. Last year I moved out and moved back after 3 months.

I have a recurring dream that I am looking for my home but can't find it.

So, yes I really understand how wonderful it must be to look in your cupboard and find food; to walk down the street and see that you do have a home now.

(((((((Freewill))))))))

[_Hope_]

[Samanthaq]

Wow, this is hard. I share your pain. I'm slowly in the process of heading out to Denver. Because if I don't, I will soon be homeless through once again, no fault of my own.

When I was 16 or 17, I don't remember exactly when, my father threw me out of the house I grew up in. I've never been back, except to drive by it.

Then, so many years later, my late husband left me, and while he emptied our accounts, and violated the straining order regularly stalking me, hurting me, keeping me on the run. I was, once again, homeless and I hated it.

I've been living with my Brother's widow for the last several years, and she, because of mental health issues, keeps waiting till the last second to do anything about her life. I've been living in the last two years under the constant threat of being homeless for a third time in my life and I hate it.

Nightmares, oh, yeah. You're not alone. Rents are impossible for someone on disability in Jersey. Worse, there is for all practical purposes NO HELP whatsoever here. SO, before I'm once again forced to move in a panic, I'm going to move in with my sister long enough to get a place of my own, and pray.

I lived under a tree behind a funeral home through winter the year my father threw me out, and then finally got some help. Now, there is none to speak of, dealing with illness only makes it worse. The little bit of "housing" that might be available is so riddled with stupid rules and conditions that would only make me worse. So, I must flee the east coast, or become a causualty of... I don't know what.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it I do! So you're not alone in this being an issue. I have so little stuff here, it'll fit in my car, but I've been having trouble bringing myself to throw it all in and get the hell out of here, because it means the one very tiny space I have to myself will be gone. I hate it...

(((((((((((((((((freewill))))))))))))))))))))

I wish I could say something postive... Come to think of it, I can. I'm moving inland, because there are places I'll be able to afford, just. For the first time in over twenty years I'll have a place of my own, that I alone am responsible for, I alone control, and will protect. In turn it will protect me. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have some time to heal some, grow some, and blossom into someone stronger and less terrified of everything and everyone...

A girl can dream can't she?

Sam