just curious....(possible trigger)

2 of my sisters and my mother announced this weekend that they are coming for Labor Day. As per usual, nobody asked me, they just decided to make it happen. As far as I know, I don't need an intervention, unless it's one to get me to stop eating Oreos before the bag is gone. ;-)

Anyway. My mom was my abuser. Everybody asks why I still have contact with her, and all I can say is, lots and lots of guilt (lousy reason, I know).

Last week my pdoc upped one of my meds. It's supposed to be sedating and calming. Instead, for the last few days at bedtime, I've been terrified and panicky.

So that's my question -- am I weird, or do any of you who have been sexually abused freak out in the dark? Because I go through periods where I am absolutely terrified at having to turn the lights out and go to bed. I don't know why this is bugging me, 26 years after the abuse stopped, but it happens every now and then and I just wondered if I'm alone or if it's "normal."

Thanks.

Candy

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers

I have not been sexually abused, but I do freak out in the dark sometimes, too. I have ever since I was a young child, and still do sometimes as an adult. Sometimes I get so scared I can't sleep.

Also, I do know it is normal for people who have been sexually abused.

((((hugs))) <-- if ok

Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

Sometimes at dark and sometimes in the early morning I have flashbacks of the abuse and am triggered. However it sounds as if your medication was not working appropiately and I would contact the doctor who prescribed it.

~D~

I sometimes freak out in the dark. And, believe me, if I'd just heard my abuser was coming to visit, I DEFINITELY would be freaking out.

It may just be a coincidence with your meds... when did you find out your mom was coming... before or after the change?

Hang in there, L

I'd been on the upped dose of the Desipramine about a week before I found out my mom was coming. I was groggy as hell the first couple days, and since then I've been bouncing off the ceiling. I got my apartment clean top to bottom, so there's at least one benefit! :-)

I slept pretty well last night, but that was due to 2 Restoril and a Zyprexa.

Thanks for the responses -- good to know I'm not just psycho. :-)

Candy

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. -- Albert Camus

Candybear,
You fear sounds completely normal to me. After I was raped I could not sleep in the dark for a very long time. Even now I go through periods were the dark makes me very anxious and I cannot do it. The human brain can be very funny with how it copes with things sometimes.

Jessica

"Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time..." ~DMB

Hi. Just blew in here. I usually am on the dissociative disorders forum, since I am DID, but I also have PTSD. I don't know your situation and would not presume to tell you what to do, but I will tell you that in my own experience, I didn't really to make fast, significant progress until I finally decided to make a clean break from my dad and stepmother (my perps). It was difficult and painful, but I decided for my own progress and sanity, I had to do it. I sent a letter to them telling them that I wanted no further contact from them, ever. And, I am serious. I won't even go to his funeral if he ever dies, because in my mind he is dead to me already. Sometimes with these things we have to make really hard decisions, and chances are that you will never feel safe inside if she is still in your life in any way. You can snow yourself with meds if you want, but that isn't going to solve the real problem. Like I said, I don't know you and every person's situation is individual, just something to consider.

Severina <font color="purple"> </font>

<font color="green">I'm ok in the dark when people are around but when i'm alone at night i'm get nervous at every sound, it's nerve wrecking.... I also never walk alone at night because I fear someone following me. I think alot of people who were abuse, sexually assaulted ect will have this fear. For me the sexual assualts/abuse happened in my room at night, so I do get a bit nervous and sometimes feel unsafe. </font>

Welcome Severina! You are most welcome here, and yes, PTSD involves dissociation so we all belong in both forums!